one night stands are simply auditions
Adult superstar Nina Hartley once said, “I don’t have one night stands, I have auditions. If you don’t get a call back, you didn’t make the cut.” Casual sex doesn’t exist, mostly. After a one-night stand, more than half of women and men hope to trigger a longer relationship. However, one-night stands can be fun and healthy, whether you’re seeking a relationship or not.
Benefits of a one-night stand include heightened chances of a vaginal orgasm, due to a flood of new hormones you’ll get from a fresh partner; a boost of self-confidence after a break-up; and post-coital feelings of empowerment and accomplishment. But, of course, there’s room for potential mishaps.
Here are the guidelines:
Be ready for a one-night stand. A study by Psychologist Anne Campbell from the Durham University in England found after a night of unattached sex, “80 percent of men had overall positive feelings, while just 54 percent of women had positive feelings.” When you give yourself sexually to someone, but they see you only for a night, make sure you have the prerequisite confidence, ease, and emotional durability. Besides, if they don’t call you within a week, think: “NEXT!”
Pick someone hot and sober. If they’re blubbering drunk, leave them with their friends – you don’t want to deal with that. If you end up at their place anyway — because you’re human and horny — give them water, an advil, and leave. Having intelligent conversation and consensual, A-grade sex with a drunk is impossible. Find someone responsible and super sexy.
Be honest. You might only want a one-night stand, but your new friend might be ready for some glorious, emotionally attached sex. Stop them. “Only you can prevent wildfires.” Tell them you aren’t looking for something serious, and please don’t wait until after you rub bodies! On your dating profile, indicate precisely what you’re looking for, i.e. casual sex. That way emotionally “thirsty” people will know what to and what not to expect.
Go their place. This is so you can make a quiet exit. If your friend didn’t make the cut for your “audition,” you can avoid worrying about them lingering in your home. But before agreeing to sleep at their place, ask if they live with anyone that may intrude your romp, like dogs, mothers, or Craigslist roommates…
If you two end up coming back to your home, be a good host. Offer them food or a drink the night before and a cup of coffee the next morning.
Be safe and use protection. There’s no way of double-checking their clean STD results, so wrap up. Make sure you’ve carried your male/female condoms in a compact container, such as an Altoids tin; leaving condoms in your wallet or back pocket might tear them. Concerning other safety precautions, have a friend take a picture of you two – for “fun” – before you leave the bar.
Get yours. You deserve the utmost pleasure. Communicate all your sexual needs. He’s not licking you right? Tell him. She keeps calling you “adorable,” and it’s annoying? Tell her. One-night stands are a great opportunity to confess your sexual fantasies, to experiment, and to learn from someone new.
Be polite. It is a privilege to share bodies with someone and absolutely not a God-given right. Be respectful throughout the night, and in the morning, say thank you.
Something more. When we peer into the future an old age, and when we look back at the past, recounting heartbreaks, we tend to crave consistency. We crave long lasting bonds. Be open to the idea of having a spontaneous sleepover again … but with the same person. If you two laughed a bunch, clicked, and the sex was great, why not pursue something more? If not, the one-night stand will leave you a lifetime guarantee of a devilish smile when you look back.
*This article originally appeared on Fleshbot.com as part of a weeklong guest editor gig I had