Keeping Up with Kegels

Whether you do them for health or pleasure, taking a few minutes a day to do Kegel exercises may be one of the most important activities a woman can do for herself.  If you are unfamiliar with the term “Kegel,” I strongly urge you to take some time and research it on medical sites like MayoClinic.com.

Basically, Kegel exercises are ways to strengthen the pelvic floor through repeated contractions of the muscles in that area.  Performing regular Kegel exercises can reduce involuntary urination, also known as incontinence (never a fun thing), and tighten the vaginal canal (especially beneficial after childbirth).  While I’m choosing to focus on Kegel exercises for women in this blog, men can also perform Kegel exercises to reduce premature ejaculation and increase erection size and potency.

Kegel exercises can be done anywhere at anytime… in fact, I’m doing them now while I write this.  Have you ever stopped urinating midstream?  Then you already know how to do a Kegel exercise.   While sitting or lying down, focus on contracting those same muscles you use to stop peeing.  The result is your pelvic muscles squeezing your urethra and anus.  If your stomach or butt is doing the tightening, then you are working out the wrong part of your body (at least for a Kegel exercise).

When you are certain you are correctly working your pelvic muscles, hold each contraction for 3-4 seconds, then release for the same amount of time.  Repeat 10 or more times per session, 3 times per day – work deep inhales and exhales into it.  Do you feel super relaxed?  That’s an added bonus!

As I mentioned in my recent blog, “An Introduction to Sex Toys,” there are a variety of devices to assist with Kegel exercises, many of which result in a rush of pleasurable sensations throughout the body and mind-blowing orgasms when done correctly.  Ben Wa balls, like Luna Beads from LELO, are one of the most popular types of device.  Upon inserting these weighted balls into your vagina, you begin to instantly engage in Kegel exercises as your pelvic muscles work to keep the balls inside.  Many women experience great pleasure from the feel of the balls moving around.  Though not as discreet as Ben Wa balls, vaginal barbells, such as Betty’s Vaginal Barbell, are phallic shaped devices weighing around one pound and inserted into the vaginal canal.  EVI, a new product from Aneros, stimulates the G-spot when inserted for Kegel exercises, while an additional handle stimulates the clitoris at the same time.

Whether done with the help of devices or on your own, Kegel exercises prove it is possible to mix work and play.  Some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had were a direct result of Kegel exercises – knowing I’m simultaneously bettering my body make it even more arousing.

xo,
jd

A Recap of My Appearance at Chapman University

Earlier this week, I had the honor of speaking to a Human Sexuality class at Chapman University with Nina Hartley. The students had already done extensive research on both sides of the porn debate, and they had written papers on whether porn has positive, negative, or neutral effects on men, women, and relationships.

Prior to speaking, Nina and I had no idea who was “pro porn” and who wasn’t, but now in retrospect, I’d love to know if and how their thoughts changed after listening to us and asking us questions. They were a really attentive group, primarily young women, and after Nina and I introduced ourselves, we talked about all kinds of things: consent and boundaries, feminist views on porn, owning our sexuality, orgasms, and much, much more. After we spoke, we took questions from the students and could have easily gone on another hour.

The more questions I hear, the more I realize the public needs more information from reliable sources who can represent the adult business authentically. I love meeting people who are intelligent and willing to listen with open minds, and that’s exactly how Nina and I spent our evening in the company of the students at Chapman.

xo,
jd

Dear jessica: Help! My Girlfriend Never Masturbates!

Hi, jessica!!! My girlfriend never masturbates.  How can I convince her it’s natural?

–Tommy; Chattanooga, TN

 

Tommy, even though your girlfriend tells you she doesn’t masturbate, she very well could be indulging in some self-love.  Some people are shy about such things, and masturbation is a very intimate, personal action.  She may prefer keeping it on the DL.

 

Respect your girlfriend’s sexual preferences.  If you’ve tried to take her to adult movie stores or give her toys to play with and she’s not interested, then it’s on you to accept this aspect of her sexual identity or re-examine the relationship.

 

That being said, if you truly feel like she may be sexually open-minded, suggest using a vibrator on her during sex.  Make sure you purchase a discreet, cute toy, like a small clitoral stimulator or a thin, stylish rocket.  Stay away from a giant, rubber dildo for her first time.  Once you use it together, she may feel more comfortable pulling it out of the drawer on occasion when you’re not home.

 

Of course, you can always give her a copy of jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Female Masturbation as well.

 

xoxo

jd

Speaking at CatalystCon

I sat in my chair listening to the introductions, one by one: Carol Queen. Dr. Robert Lawrence. Ava Mir-Ausziehen, Sex Nerd Sandra Daugherty. They are some very prolific names in the field of Sex Education – authors, doctors, pioneers…and me.

 

I was introduced by Carol Queen, no less, as a Sex Educator on a panel entitled “Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, Into the Streets.”

 

This weekend I had the privilege of attending CatalystCon (www.CatalystCon.com), a sex-positive conference in Long Beach. An event created and organized by Dee Dennis, of deedennis.com, it is described as a “safe, non-judgmental space where we can all come together and expand both our knowledge and understanding of the issues that influence sexuality today,” but for me, it was so much more.

 

The first night of the conference opened with a very unique “Social Lubrication” hosted by Reid Mihalko that had everyone up out of their seats, running around the room spouting random sex facts to total strangers. That gave way to “Sex Rules” with Maria Falzone, who warmed us up with her hysterical humor, only to leave us deep in thought with a very powerful message. The evening culminated with the Opening Keynote Plenary featuring Dr. Marty Klein (who was kind enough not to notice me trembling as I shook his hand), Megan Andelloux, Maggie Mayhem, and Francisco Ramirez. They spoke on Sparking Communication in Sexuality, Activism, and Acceptance, and by the time they were done, everyone in the room was radiating their excitement.

 

In just three short days, I met some amazing people from many different walks of Sex Ed. People whose books I have read, names I have heard, and classes I have attended. People I had only dreamed of meeting were all under one roof! Not only did I get to speak on a panel, I also got to sit in on as many as I could, and I really wish I could have cloned myself to attend a few more.

 

I attended “Media Risks: Who Wins?”, Feminist Perspectives on “50 Shades of Grey,” “Teaching Porn, How to be an Ally to Sex Workers,” “A New Monogamy,” “Fat Sex Works,” “Women in the Industry,” and “A Conversation with Anti-Establishment Sex Workers.” My brain was tingling with all of this stimulation. It was three straight days of BRAIN SEX.

 

On Saturday night, we were also treated to the premiere of a documentary called “How to Lose Your Virginity” by Therese Shechter followed by either Dirty Bingo or Bawdy Storytelling. I chose the latter, and was treated to a host of ridiculously entertaining stories by some of the speakers, and though it was very close, I dare say that Megan Andelloux took the cake with her “Pennies” story. I would give you the juicy details, but my words would never suffice. Couple that with the fact I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair, and it would be tough for you to get the full effect. Trust me, it was brilliant.

 

Speaking on my panel was amazing. To have people listening to me, valuing what i had to say – both because AND despite who I am, was a great experience for me as a Sex Educator. Perhaps I’ll expand on that in another blog, but for now I am simply grateful to have had the experience of CatalystCon, and would love to thank all of the attendees, Wicked Pictures, Wicked Sensual, Adella from Fine Ass Marketing, and most of all, Dee Dennis. I can’t wait for CatalystCon East.

 

jd

Dear jessica: Are There Tricks to 1st Time Anal Sex?

jessica, I’m sure you get this question a lot: My husband and I want to try anal sex. What are the best ways to physically prepare for it?  I think I’m good on the mental side.

–Karen; Los Angeles, CA

 

Karen, kudos to you and your husband for being adventurous.  There are steps you can try weeks ahead of time and preparation steps right before the act, if you feel like being spontaneous.

 

If you have some room for planning, a popular way of preparing for anal sex is changing your diet a bit.  Consume less fatty foods and eat small meals.  Keep in mind it usually takes 24 – 72 hours for most food to pass through your body.  It takes 6 – 8 hours for food to pass through your stomach and small intestine, and then at least 24 hours to pass through the large intestine.

 

If you’re planning on light anal stimulation with no penetration, then concentrate on washing the area very thoroughly with a mild soap and water.  Skip the fancy soaps to avoid irritation.  Also, as you’re having a shower, or a bath, if you kneel down into a squat and spread your legs, it will make shaving that little area so much easier, and you’ll be smooth and sweet-smelling!

 

For full anal sex, you may consider doing an enema before the act.  An enema is the process of cleaning the rectum with a bulb syringe or an enema bottle.  It’s important to use a regular water enema (lukewarm or slightly warm), but not one that acts as a laxative.  If you’ve never used an enema before, try a practice run before you do one for anal sex.  Once you have it down, you can do an enema 2-3 hours before sex.

 

Now you’re ready!  Relax, go slow, and enjoy.  For more information, check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal.

 

xoxo,

jd

jessica drake Joins Sex-Ed Panel at CatalystCon

Producer of Acclaimed ‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex’ DVD Series Discusses ‘Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, Into the Streets!’

AUGUST 9, 2012 — LONG BEACH, CA — Emerging sexual wellness authority and adult entertainment superstar jessica drake will participate in a panel titled “Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, into the Streets!at the CatalystCon sexuality conference in September. In addition to jessica drake, panel participants include sex educators Carol Queen and Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence, podcast host and “Sex Nerd” Sandra Daugherty and sssh.com‘s resident sex expert Ava Mir-Ausziehen.

In its inaugural year, CatalystCon was conceived from the hugely successful East Coast sexuality conference Momentum. Over 50 leading experts in sexuality and feminism attended Momentum, making it one of the most influential events on the subjects in the world. CatalystCon promises to be equally prolific, while inspiring exceptional conversations on sexuality and improving future discourse.

“I’m looking forward to this,” drake said. “So many people get their sex information — or should I say misinformation — from mainstream media and online entertainment, so a discussion of disseminating sex facts would be helpful to people who want to teach healthy, positive sexuality”

“I’m thrilled to be able to have jessica drake as a speaker at CatalystCon and especially as part of the sex educators panel Out of the Classroom,” CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis said. “Many of us fight for sex education in our schools but I also think sex education for adults is just as important. There are many different ways to do that, as shown by the panel jessica is on. She has an established fan base that makes it possible to reach people others may not. One of the major messages of CatalystCon is knowledge is power and I feel that jessica is fulfilling that message with her series of sex-ed videos.”

The CatalystCon conference was created to inspire “exceptional conversations about sexuality” and will feature more than 40 panel discussions on various sexuality-based topics. The conference is described by organizer Dee Dennis as a “melting pot of sexuality” that will unite sex educators, sexologists, sex workers, writers, activists, and anyone with a passion for creating change. “Knowledge is power, and sharing that knowledge is the first spark in igniting change” is the principle behind CatalystCon.

Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is receiving excellent reviews from adult industry authorities including XBIZ, AVN and Fleshbot.com The production “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio” received the 2012 AVN award for Best Educational Release and “jessica drake’s Guide Wicked Sex: Anal’ received the 2012 XBIZ award for Specialty Release of the Year.

Continuing her commitment to sexuality education, drake writes a monthly column for AdultDVDEmpire.com titled Ask jessica drake Anything.” Each month jessica answers ten questions on love, sex, and romance. The authors of the questions receive complete sets of the “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” educational DVD series. To submit questions, visit http://www.adultdvdempire.com/pm/ask_jessica_drake.aspx.

CatalystCon will take place September 14-16 at the Hilton Long Beach & Executive Meeting Center in Long Beach, California. Registration is required. For more information, visit CatalystCon.com. The “Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, into the Streets!” panel with jessica drake participating is scheduled for 10:30 am on Saturday, September 15.

About CatalystCon:

CatalystCon is a conference created to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. It is about reaching out and stimulating those who attend to create those important conversations in their own communities, changing how we as a society talk and treat sexuality.  It is about stimulating the activist that is within all of us and sparking transformation in the way our friends, neighbors, children and even politicians discuss one of the most important aspects of humanity. Dee Dennis regards this conference as a “melting pot of sexuality” that will unite sex educators, sexologists, sex workers, writers, activists, and anyone with a passion for creating change. “Knowledge is power, and sharing that knowledge is the first spark in igniting change.” This is the fundamental principle behind CatalystCon. For more information, visit www.CatalystCon.com or www.Twitter.com/CatalystCon.

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jessica drake Addresses UCLA Class of Licensed Therapists

 

Leading Health Care Professionals Learn the Merits of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” Sex Education DVDs


MAY 10, 2012 — LOS ANGELES CA — Emerging sexual wellness authority and adult entertainment superstar jessica drake recently addressed a class of licensed therapists at UCLA.  Dr. Walter Bracklemans leads the class titled Human Sexuality, Sex Education and Sex Therapy.  Thirty-five leading health care professionals, sex therapists, MFTs and MFCCs listened to jessica speak for over an hour on her career as an adult star, her transition to sex educator and her line of bestselling DVDs, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex.

“jessica drake had 35 health care professionals eating out of the palms of her hands,” states AVN (Adult Video News) founder Paul Fishbein, who appeared with jessica.  “Her expertise and experience and presentation of the instructional line wowed these doctors.  It was the very tool many of them have been searching for over the years and they were impressed with her knowledge and presentation.”

Poised to speak at several additional universities around the country in the fall of 2012, jessica drake says, “I feel extremely privileged to have been welcomed onto UCLA’s campus for a discourse on sex education.  My favorite part of the afternoon was the roundtable discussion allowing everyone in the room to join the conversation.  It was at that point I realized how many great minds I was in the presence of.  I had the opportunity to learn just as much as I taught, and I am thankful for the way I was accepted into the extraordinary class. I am very proud to be recognized as a contributor to modern day sex education. I am very grateful to Dr. Walter Bracklemans and to Paul Fishbein for making this all possible.”

Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is receiving excellent reviews.  The critics at XBIZ are raving about the franchise, praising jessica’s unique ability to “connect with people through her friendly and personal approach” and dubbing the series “the steamiest instructional line on the market!”  AVN’s Heather Namikoshi writes, “The overall tone for the female viewer is calming and accepting, and drake does a good job at creating a safe learning space within the production.  The demonstrations are good and shot well to instruct newbies in various techniques…”  Fleshbot.com is equally praiseful of jessica, crediting her with bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” new voice to the sexual self-help genre.

AVN honored jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio with the 2012 award for Best Educational Release.  Similarly, XBIZ bestowed the 2012 award for Specialty Release of the Year to jessica drake’s Guide Wicked Sex: Anal.

Curious adults now have the opportunity to submit questions for jessica drake through the AdultDVDEmpire.com feature column, “Ask jessica drake Anything.”  Each month jessica selects ten questions on love, sex, and romance, and posts her answers on the site.  In addition to receiving jessica’s advice, the authors of the questions will each receive complete sets of the jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex educational DVD series.  To submit questions, visit http://www.adultdvdempire.com/pm/ask_jessica_drake.aspx.

In addition to creating this exclusive line of educational DVDs and her position as the official sex educator for AdultDVDEmpire.com, jessica assists men and women in becoming more sexually aware with Sex for the Wicked Woman, a series of powerful and engaging self-help seminars illuminated by her expertise and passion for research.

For more information about Dr. Bracklemans’ course, visit https://www.uclaextension.edu/r/Course.aspx?reg=U6575.

To book Jessica to speak at your class or event, please contact pr@guidetowickedsex.com.

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Blow his Mind and…. Other Useful Advice!

Hi jessica, thank you for answering my question. I have a pretty good sex life with my husband of 10 years. We are lucky enough to be going on our second honeymoon this spring to a romantic cottage in the Bahamas. What can I do to turn the heat up and blow his mind? Ashleigh, 41, Atchison, Kansas

HI Ashleigh-

First of all, congrats. Ten years is a great milestone, and what better way to celebrate with a second honeymoon, without all the stress of planning a wedding right beforehand, and in the Bahamas, no less!

Because  this is your tenth year of wedded bliss, you guys are very comfortable with each other…maybe a little TOO comfortable. This is your chance to shake things up a bit, and hopefully he has plans up his sleeve as well. The first step is packing for such an adventure. Here are some things that you might want to include:

“Sizzling hot packing list”

sexy lingerie

very high heels

a jersey of his favorite sports team

his “fantasy” outfit- something that you know really gets him going

lube. lots of lube.

a few porn DVDs- lots of resorts will be able to offer you a DVD player.

toys- vibrators with extra batteries, a blindfold, some massage oil

an iPod with great songs for striptease/seduction/sex along with mini speakers

scented candles

scarves for bondage

The items listed above are a great starting point, you’ll want to personalize the list according to what you guys are into…or what you may want to try. It might be fun to visit an adult store together before your trip, or you could surprise him and just tuck the extra “sex bag” in with your luggage. And don’t be embarrassed about airport security- trust me, they’ve seen far more shocking things. (hey, i fly a lot, remember?)

Once you are there, allow yourself a little time to settle in and relax. Once it sinks in that the two of you are ALONE with no distractions in a gorgeous tropical location, do what comes naturally! Shed those clothes, slip into a bathing suit, oil up, and get ready to soak up some rays…but right before you walk out the door, give your partner the best surprise blow job ever. That can set the tone for your entire trip.

As for the rest of your sensual getaway, here are a few suggestions to get you on your way:

give him a sexy lap dance to his favorite song(s), and then as you strip, slowly back away and head for the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow.

take a candlelit bath together with a bottle of wine. wash each other. afterwards, dry each other off and grab the massage oil!

watch an adult movie together and act out something you’ve always wanted to try

get dressed up separately, and “pick each other up” like strangers at the bar of your resort. Give him your extra room key and tell him to meet you upstairs in 10 minutes. wait for him in the bed, putting one of those vibrators you packed to good use.

make on night “all about him” and do anything he tells you to do (within reason) let him direct what you wear, what you take off, what you touch, what you don’t. this exchange of control will drive you both wild.

the next night, it’s your turn. now he’s at your beck and call.

Have breakfast in bed. don’t use silverware, and don’t feed yourself. only each other.

This is a great place to try something you’ve never dared to before- whether it’s anal sex, some bondage, you name it. Part of your planning this second honeymoon could involve you taking him out for a nice, romantic dinner, and telling him about something you’d like to do when you are in the Bahamas. This is also a really good way to start the foreplay from thousands of miles away and build anticipation for what’s to come. (pun intended)

Enjoy yourselves and each other. You’ve earned it!

xoxo,

jd

Memorable Honeymoon

My boyfriend has worked so hard to help us afford our dream wedding. What are some things I can do to make my honeymoon (hint hint) memorable? Caroline 25, Oklahoma City, OK

Caroline-

what a great question! I think that honeymoons can be a lot like Christmas- it’s something you guys have anticipated for so long, and after all the stress of planning a wedding and working so hard to pay for it, you frantically get to the honeymoon portion and it just flies by. That’s why it’s so very important to create memories and share experiences that will last you a lifetime.

How do you do that? Well, it really depends on where you guys choose to go, and then from there, it’s all about the experiences.Do things together that you wouldn’t normally get the chance to do back home. Outdoor activities- take tours, try a sport, see what type of those things your resort or hotel has to offer. Pick up a city guide for the area- both Lonely Planet and Frommer’s are great- and explore as a couple. One of the best ways to get closer to someone is to bond over new shared experiences. Take lots of pictures and video! Kiss at every landmark that you visit, or at historic or popular intersections. Make out in the back of a taxi. Feed each other at a local cafe while you people watch. and just when you can’t take it anymore, head back to your honeymoon suite for…

Memorable honeymoon sex! Some people say that having sex when you’re married is somehow different, that things change. Make that a change for the better. Spend time indulging your partner in his/her fantasies. You have a whole vacation to seduce them, with little or no distractions. My best advice is to go for it- and bring lots of lube. (though visiting an adult store on your honeymoon could be lots of fun too, just look one up online!) 

And remember, just because the honeymoon ends doesn’t mean honeymoon sex has to. When you return home, even months later, wear the same lingerie, the same perfume, or play the same song that was playing during some memorable lovemaking and remind him or her of the amazing time that you shared together, and start those juices flowing again and again. 

xoxo,

jd

Keeping Sex HOT After the Wedding

I’ve heard from many of my friends that sex fizzles after the wedding. What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen to us? John, 32, Trenton, NJ

Hi John,

I don’t think it’s that the sex “fizzles” as it is that other things (reality!) get in the way of continuing the honeymoon phase. The good news is that by acknowledging that this may one day be a problem, you’re already being proactive about it.

In time, husbands and wives find that everyday things just seem to take over their lives- jobs, taking care of the house, the kids, paying bills- and they are left feeling more like roommates than anything else. How do you bring the passion back? Well, it’s better that you never lose it in the first place…and this is something that requires a little time and effort. You can equate this to regular maintenance on your car, like an oil change. It takes a little time, but it’s the kind of thing that, left neglected, can cause your car’s engine to overheat and throw a rod, and then it’s totaled. All because you didn’t prevent a little problem from getting bigger.

How do you do this? Take time with your partner, no matter what. Have a weekly date night. Touch base with each other during your busy days, even if it’s with a phone call or text. Set your alarm 15 minutes early so that you can have a coffee together…and by coffee, i mean quickie.

Romance your significant other. Pursue them the way you did when you were dating. One of the biggest complaints women have is that they no longer feel “special”. You may think, “Of COURSE you’re special, I made you my wife, didn’t I?” but nothing can replace the feeling that she is truly wanted. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much she turns you on, all the little things that she does that you find so sexy. Whisper those sweet (and dirty!) nothings in her ear. It will go a long way. In bed, don’t let it get to be an automatic routine. Watch a sexy movie together. Buy her some lingerie. Dress up like a cowboy or policeman or fireman, if that’s her fantasy. Be open to new things, and really try to explore each other’s desires.

I think the most important thing that ties it all together is communication. Make your wife/husband the person that you can really talk to. NO matter if it’s serious or trivial, your likes or dislikes, turn ons, pet peeves, dreams, hopes, ideas, fears, whatever. Just talk. Every so often it’s also a great idea to have what I call a “State of the Union” talk- your chance to get out (in a non-confrontational way) things that you love or things that you may want to change.

All of the things I’ve discussed above will help you keep up that bond that will keep your relationship, and in turn your sex life thriving.

xo

jess