Guide to Wicked Flirting – Tips for the Ladies

The days of being courted by a gentleman on your parents’ veranda, while sipping lemonade are long gone – though if you ask me, they may have never truly existed. As generations age, they cling on to romanticized or exaggerated notions of their youth, but I’m sure many people still met at a bar, saloon, or speakeasy, often flirting without the gaze of their parents.

What has changed is society’s notion of gender roles. While we are still far from total gender equality, if women are able to serve in the military, they sure as heck should be able to initiate flirting. If you’re the type of gal who typically waits on a guy to make the first move, but things in your dating life have been slow, then you may want to read this introductory Guide to Wicked Flirting.

Go to a bar alone… or any place for that matter – Starbucks, the movies, or a county fair. This may seem a bit awkward at first, but putting yourself out there can get you noticed. Empowered dating is all about exposing yourself and feeling comfortable even when you’re at your most vulnerable. Leave your friends at home, let down your guard, and embrace the opportunity to be yourself.

First find a spot in the bar (or place of your choosing) that allows you to interact with people. You can try bellying up to the bar and make friends with your bartender. Walk and talk with confidence. Put down your cellphone and focus on who’s in the bar. Smile, laugh, and strike up a converstaion with the strangers sitting near you. Browse the bar for a guy you find attractive. Make eye contact, and if he is too shy to approach you, move to where he is. Be friendly and engage in conversation. Start with “hello” – people forget how effective that one word is when breaking the ice.

Ask questions because us ladies aren’t the only ones who like to talk about ourselves. Once engaged in conversation, don’t clam up. If you come across someone you’d like to know better, take it slow — but try to keep the conversation going. Ask questions, smile, and pay attention to what they’re saying, and look them in the eye! Good eye conact shows the gentleman he is the most important thing in the room to you.

Ask him about his hobbies, favorite sports teams, and movies — and share some casual, but not too personal, information about yourself in return. Remember this is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy yourself! Conversation is a balancing act, but if you’re both enjoying it, you won’t even notice.

Be yourself – this may seem obvious, but some of the worst crash-and-burn stories you read in magazines like Cosmopolitan occur when someone is trying to put on a mask. Challenging yourself to act in a manner outside of the box is not the same as being untrue to you. Talk about what you’re passionate about. Even if he’s not into the same things, passion is contagious.

Everyone loves a mystery. Think of flirting as a foreword to the book of you. While you want to be yourself and converse freely, you also want to save some things to talk about for the first date… or perhaps for breakfast if things go really well that night. Leave him wanting more.

Give him your number. Few things are more attractive than a flirt who is confident, playful, and clever. If you like the time you’ve spent with this new man, give him your number. Don’t be shy, what’s the worse than can happen, he doesn’t call? It’s not the end of the world, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know where it can go.

Remember, if you sit back and wait for a man to do all of these things, you may spend the best years of your life doing just that, waiting. Take control and be the sexy, witty, best version of you, you can be!

xo,
jd

How to Introduce the Bedroom Into Your Everyday

Sometimes, it seems like the stresses of the day (work, family, and general stuff) gets a woman, her partner, or both of them so wrapped up they might forget their relationship may be suffering. It’s crucial to remember your relationship is just as important as anything else going on in your life – after all, he is your best friend, lover, and confidant! Nurturing the primary relationship in your life is a great way to relieve stress, for both of you.

 

One of the best ways to remind him (and you) that your partnership keeps putting a smile on both of your faces and is a refuge from all of the stresses going on, is to flirt and tease throughout the day. Romance shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom – bring it out, and you’ll find the sentiments are reciprocated!

 

Here are some fun ideas to keep those sexy ideas between you and your lover going throughout the day:

 

  • Give your partner a kiss before they leave for work. If work is at home, remember to give casual kisses or surprise fondles throughout the day.

 

  • Leave a sexy note on the bathroom mirror (or refrigerator, or anywhere else unexpected)… in lipstick.

 

  • Ask your partner to pick out your underwear for the next day – he’ll be thinking about you wearing it all day

 

  • Send a sexy text – it can be words, or a picture.

 

  • Go commando – and make sure your partner knows, either with a sexy text or before he leaves for the day… or over dinner. You know he’ll be thinking about how you’re exposed!

 

There are plenty of other unplanned, sexy little things you can do as well – I’m sure you can come up with some special ideas just for you and him!

 

Here’s the thing: Your partner, much like you, wants to remember that no matter how long the relationship has been going on, he is still sexy, strong, and desired. Making sure he knows you’re on his mind as something other than a provider, especially as someone who is a sexual being, will bring a smile to his face, as well as yours when he reciprocates later.

 

A word of warning, though – or maybe it’s not a warning, but rather a reminder: if he doesn’t respond right away, don’t push the issue! This is about your partner and making sure he knows you want him. It’s not about trying to get something back. There are always going to be times when he’s too busy, or just TOO stressed to reciprocate right away. Don’t worry though – when he does have the time, he will. Pushing too hard, or being passive-aggressive about “all the nice sexy things you’re doing for him” is only going to make him resent your cute advances. So, don’t write notes every morning or send sexy texts 10 times a day. Overkill will dull the issue, and it might even become annoying – and annoying isn’t sexy! Make sure these things are little surprises.

 

It’s been said many, many times a mental re-set can do wonders for the soul. Help him get his mind off of the stresses of the day with these small mental re-sets, and you’ll be sure to keep him smiling all day about the things you two can do together, when he comes home – or you might just get an invitation for a mid-day rendezvous! Who knows – he might even read this blog, and you could start seeing some little re-sets and reminders from him to help you with your stressful day too!

 

xo,

jd

Condoms

Condoms are a popular topic of conversation these days with the recent passing of Measure B, a new law requiring protective barriers in all adult movies filmed in Los Angeles County.  While I’m opposed to the law for a number of moral, social, and economic reasons, I do believe condoms are the best way for adults to safeguard against sexually transmitted diseases.

I use condoms in my personal life, as well as my professional life.  Wicked Pictures, the studio I am a contract performer with, is the only heterosexual, condom-only adult entertainment company.

A common complaint from people who oppose using condoms is about the pain associated from having sex with one.  While this may be true for people with latex allergies, extra sensitive vaginas, or adult stars who have sex for two hours straight, if you take the time to find the right condom, you will hardly know it’s there protecting you.

To find a comfortable condom and a compatible lube, I recommend making a game of it.  Buy six or seven different brands and types of condoms – ribbed, flavored, heated, ultra-thin, etc. – and try them all in one or two sessions with your partner.  Try each for a couple of minutes and have fun discussing which are your favorites and why.  Do the same with lubes, like Wicked Sensual Care’s Aqua.  An added bonus of this hands-on research is the prolonged sexual experience it provides.

Some guys don’t like condoms because they are afraid of losing their erection during the time it takes to find a condom, open it, and properly put it on.  A simple solution to this complication is for partners to become involved in the application process.  Fondling your partner’s penis while putting the condom on for him allows him to still be aroused and keep his mind on one thing – sex.

Another issue I’ve heard guys discuss is desensitization.  Again, it comes down to finding the right condom for you.  Condom technology is continually advancing, which means maybe it’s time to try and new brand and material.  There are condoms made out of latex and non-latex materials like polyisoprene, which are up to 40% thinner than standard rubbers.

You can also look at desensitization from a “glass is half full” perspective.  If you are nervous about finishing too soon, the right condom can help extend your sessions in the sack, while still allowing you to savor all the wonderful sensations.

A recent study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine reports men who are satisfied with how their condom feels experience an increase in sexual pleasure (and I know the same is true of the women/men on the receiving end).  While it may seem like an obvious conclusion, the important idea to take away from the study is to search for the right condom for you.  Wrap your gift correctly, and the present will be even more enjoyable.

XO,

jd

How to Initiate a Threesome

A threesome is like the Holy Grail of sex, but much like the quest for the Grail, many people don’t know where to start.  If you are part of a couple considering your first three-way experience, there are certain helpful steps you can take.

 

First, you have to make sure your partner is on board.  As is the case with every aspect of a relationship (in and out of the bedroom), communication is key.

 

Often couples imagine a three-way while they’re in bed having sex, either watching an adult movie or talking dirty to one another.  This is a good time to gauge your partner’s reaction.  Are they even more turned on at the thought of another person in bed?  Is it a reoccurring theme?  If the answer is yes, a three-way may be worth pursuing, though there are still quite a few things to consider before green lighting it.

 

Do not agree to a threesome solely to please your partner or as a last-ditch effort to save your relationship.  Additionally, if either of you is exceptionally jealous, it may be best leaving the idea of a third person in the realm of fantasies.

 

Partners should come up with a threesome strategy before the act begins.  Be upfront about your expectations.  If something doesn’t feel right during the threesome, there should be a way you can alert your partner without making the other person feel uncomfortable or self-conscious.  Come up with a safe word or signal.

 

Also, you should discuss what you’re okay with and aren’t.  Is kissing the third person acceptable?  How about oral sex, penetration, anal sex, petting, cuddling, orgasms?  Some things are best left between the couple as a way to reassure your commitment.

 

The game plan should also include what happens after sex.  Decide whether the third person is allowed to spend the night and where they will sleep.  While opinions may change after the experience, you should also agree on whether the three-way is a one time deal or if possible repeat performances are in the future.

 

You can have this conversation over time or all at once, but it is important to have it.  Remember, it is an ever-changing negotiation.  What you try the first time may not end up as protocol in later adventures.

 

Once you come up with a three-way strategy, it’s time to consider who the third person will be and how to find them.  When choosing a potential third person, consider how uncomfortable you would be if the situation backfired.  There is a lot of risk for disaster when inviting your best friend, co-worker, or neighbor.

 

If you decide to bypass asking someone you already know, there are a few places you can try to meet a third person, some a bit more up front than others.  Bars and nightclubs are obvious options where inhibitions are lowered due to alcohol, however all involved should be sober enough to give sincere consent in order to avoid regret.

 

A swinger’s club or party offers an environment with like-minded people.  Here boundaries are respected, and for some couples, simply being in this environment is such a thrill it gives the sexual jumpstart they are looking for.

 

Websites are always an option, though come with plenty of uncertainties.  You never really know whether someone is truthfully representing themselves.  Meeting them first during the day in a public place is strongly recommended.

 

An option rarely addressed is a legal brothel, such as the ones in Nevada.  There a couple can settle in, be introduced to a variety of possible partners, talk a bit, and negotiate what will happen and how much it will cost.  Brothels take the guesswork out of the equation and guarantee a sure thing.

 

The important thing is for both people in the couple to agree on who the third person will be, which reinforces the integral nature of communication.  Once you’ve agreed to pursue a three-way, developed a strategy, and found the ideal consenting person, the Holy Grail is in sight.  There are many helpful tips for the actual act, including positions, but that’s an entirely different article… or you may pick up a copy of jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Threesomes on DVD.

jessica drake Joins Sex-Ed Panel at CatalystCon

Producer of Acclaimed ‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex’ DVD Series Discusses ‘Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, Into the Streets!’

AUGUST 9, 2012 — LONG BEACH, CA — Emerging sexual wellness authority and adult entertainment superstar jessica drake will participate in a panel titled “Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, into the Streets!at the CatalystCon sexuality conference in September. In addition to jessica drake, panel participants include sex educators Carol Queen and Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence, podcast host and “Sex Nerd” Sandra Daugherty and sssh.com‘s resident sex expert Ava Mir-Ausziehen.

In its inaugural year, CatalystCon was conceived from the hugely successful East Coast sexuality conference Momentum. Over 50 leading experts in sexuality and feminism attended Momentum, making it one of the most influential events on the subjects in the world. CatalystCon promises to be equally prolific, while inspiring exceptional conversations on sexuality and improving future discourse.

“I’m looking forward to this,” drake said. “So many people get their sex information — or should I say misinformation — from mainstream media and online entertainment, so a discussion of disseminating sex facts would be helpful to people who want to teach healthy, positive sexuality”

“I’m thrilled to be able to have jessica drake as a speaker at CatalystCon and especially as part of the sex educators panel Out of the Classroom,” CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis said. “Many of us fight for sex education in our schools but I also think sex education for adults is just as important. There are many different ways to do that, as shown by the panel jessica is on. She has an established fan base that makes it possible to reach people others may not. One of the major messages of CatalystCon is knowledge is power and I feel that jessica is fulfilling that message with her series of sex-ed videos.”

The CatalystCon conference was created to inspire “exceptional conversations about sexuality” and will feature more than 40 panel discussions on various sexuality-based topics. The conference is described by organizer Dee Dennis as a “melting pot of sexuality” that will unite sex educators, sexologists, sex workers, writers, activists, and anyone with a passion for creating change. “Knowledge is power, and sharing that knowledge is the first spark in igniting change” is the principle behind CatalystCon.

Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is receiving excellent reviews from adult industry authorities including XBIZ, AVN and Fleshbot.com The production “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio” received the 2012 AVN award for Best Educational Release and “jessica drake’s Guide Wicked Sex: Anal’ received the 2012 XBIZ award for Specialty Release of the Year.

Continuing her commitment to sexuality education, drake writes a monthly column for AdultDVDEmpire.com titled Ask jessica drake Anything.” Each month jessica answers ten questions on love, sex, and romance. The authors of the questions receive complete sets of the “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” educational DVD series. To submit questions, visit http://www.adultdvdempire.com/pm/ask_jessica_drake.aspx.

CatalystCon will take place September 14-16 at the Hilton Long Beach & Executive Meeting Center in Long Beach, California. Registration is required. For more information, visit CatalystCon.com. The “Sex Education: Out of the Classroom, into the Streets!” panel with jessica drake participating is scheduled for 10:30 am on Saturday, September 15.

About CatalystCon:

CatalystCon is a conference created to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. It is about reaching out and stimulating those who attend to create those important conversations in their own communities, changing how we as a society talk and treat sexuality.  It is about stimulating the activist that is within all of us and sparking transformation in the way our friends, neighbors, children and even politicians discuss one of the most important aspects of humanity. Dee Dennis regards this conference as a “melting pot of sexuality” that will unite sex educators, sexologists, sex workers, writers, activists, and anyone with a passion for creating change. “Knowledge is power, and sharing that knowledge is the first spark in igniting change.” This is the fundamental principle behind CatalystCon. For more information, visit www.CatalystCon.com or www.Twitter.com/CatalystCon.

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jessica drake Addresses UCLA Class of Licensed Therapists

 

Leading Health Care Professionals Learn the Merits of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” Sex Education DVDs


MAY 10, 2012 — LOS ANGELES CA — Emerging sexual wellness authority and adult entertainment superstar jessica drake recently addressed a class of licensed therapists at UCLA.  Dr. Walter Bracklemans leads the class titled Human Sexuality, Sex Education and Sex Therapy.  Thirty-five leading health care professionals, sex therapists, MFTs and MFCCs listened to jessica speak for over an hour on her career as an adult star, her transition to sex educator and her line of bestselling DVDs, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex.

“jessica drake had 35 health care professionals eating out of the palms of her hands,” states AVN (Adult Video News) founder Paul Fishbein, who appeared with jessica.  “Her expertise and experience and presentation of the instructional line wowed these doctors.  It was the very tool many of them have been searching for over the years and they were impressed with her knowledge and presentation.”

Poised to speak at several additional universities around the country in the fall of 2012, jessica drake says, “I feel extremely privileged to have been welcomed onto UCLA’s campus for a discourse on sex education.  My favorite part of the afternoon was the roundtable discussion allowing everyone in the room to join the conversation.  It was at that point I realized how many great minds I was in the presence of.  I had the opportunity to learn just as much as I taught, and I am thankful for the way I was accepted into the extraordinary class. I am very proud to be recognized as a contributor to modern day sex education. I am very grateful to Dr. Walter Bracklemans and to Paul Fishbein for making this all possible.”

Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is receiving excellent reviews.  The critics at XBIZ are raving about the franchise, praising jessica’s unique ability to “connect with people through her friendly and personal approach” and dubbing the series “the steamiest instructional line on the market!”  AVN’s Heather Namikoshi writes, “The overall tone for the female viewer is calming and accepting, and drake does a good job at creating a safe learning space within the production.  The demonstrations are good and shot well to instruct newbies in various techniques…”  Fleshbot.com is equally praiseful of jessica, crediting her with bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” new voice to the sexual self-help genre.

AVN honored jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio with the 2012 award for Best Educational Release.  Similarly, XBIZ bestowed the 2012 award for Specialty Release of the Year to jessica drake’s Guide Wicked Sex: Anal.

Curious adults now have the opportunity to submit questions for jessica drake through the AdultDVDEmpire.com feature column, “Ask jessica drake Anything.”  Each month jessica selects ten questions on love, sex, and romance, and posts her answers on the site.  In addition to receiving jessica’s advice, the authors of the questions will each receive complete sets of the jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex educational DVD series.  To submit questions, visit http://www.adultdvdempire.com/pm/ask_jessica_drake.aspx.

In addition to creating this exclusive line of educational DVDs and her position as the official sex educator for AdultDVDEmpire.com, jessica assists men and women in becoming more sexually aware with Sex for the Wicked Woman, a series of powerful and engaging self-help seminars illuminated by her expertise and passion for research.

For more information about Dr. Bracklemans’ course, visit https://www.uclaextension.edu/r/Course.aspx?reg=U6575.

To book Jessica to speak at your class or event, please contact pr@guidetowickedsex.com.

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