Men: 3 Tips to Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Within popular culture, when it comes to a man’s sexual performance, stamina seems to be almost as important as penis size. Let’s face it – in the movies (porn AND mainstream), on TV, and even in popular music, fully pleasing a woman isn’t just a momentary bragging moment, it’s an expected male duty. And that’s a lot of pressure.

I think there’s some confusion as to what “ED” or Erectile Dysfunction really is. ED has nothing to do with going all night long- rather, it’s actual impotence. The inability to get an erection strong enough for penetrative sex. And while we’re at it, let’s also dispel the myth that every woman wants sex that lasts for hours with a massively endowed man. Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes, but most women are good with quality over quantity. Can you last 5, 10, 15 minutes? Congrats, you’re in the majority! But if you’d like a few simple tips to increase your stamina even further, read on!

GTWS_sexy-couple-bed

1) Stop Worrying About Your Performance!

Sex is mostly mental. Especially when a man’s confidence begins to waver, and he’s in that slipperly- slope headspace. Not only can this affect performance, but it can kill the entire erection! It can be a vicious cycle, but if you can catch yourself as it starts, just pause and take a deep breath. Focus on your partner, her body, not your feelings. Just go with the flow. Switch things up, go back a step. Enjoy more foreplay.

2) Make Your Partner Orgasm Ahead of You (Or Vice Versa):

If you’re worried about performance, perhaps putting a bit more effort into the “pre-penetration process” will be to your advantage. If your partner orgasms during oral sex, they’ll be more aroused, future orgasms may come easier, and it might help relieve some of the pressure you feel, giving you more opportunity to just enjoy yourself. Consequently this also works the other way around. If you orgasm during foreplay, you can take your “recovery” time to lavish even more attention on your partner. After all, you know what they say; foreplay IS usually the best way.
 
3) Incorporate the Squeeze Technique:

Try the “squeeze technique” on your off-time, during masturbation. Get yourself right to the edge of the point of no return, and then stop. Do this a few times until you’re really familiar with those few seconds right before you orgasm. Then, incorporate The Squeeze on the head of your penis until the urge subsides. Make sure to practice this a lot (research!) and then share it with your partner during sex. When things get too hot and your orgasm is imminent, pull out and squeeze. You can even have her do it with you. Some guys also like the idea of using cock rings to prolong their erections, just make sure to use one that you can easily remove, and don’t wear it to the point of being numb- you can cause lasting nerve damage by restricting the bloodflow.

The bottom line is there are many ways to improve your stamina in bed, but these are just a few at the top of my list. However,  you’re probably already doing a great job, just as you are. Talk to your partner and get her feedback on what she imagines the “right” length of time is. It might be totally different than what you’d think. Relax. Have fun. Let’s take the stress out of sex.

xo,

jd

Ask jessica- jessica drake Answers Reader’s Questions

My lover and I have started having anal sex, but I’m always paranoid about hygiene. Do you have any tips to get that area ready?

–Megan; Austin, TX

Hi Megan, I’m so glad you and your lover are expanding your sex life. There are a few steps you can try weeks ahead of time to be ready for anal sex, or some preparation steps right before the act, if you’re trying to be spontaneous.

A popular way to prepare if you have the time is to change your diet a bit. Try eating less fatty foods, and no huge meals. Keep in mind it usually takes 24 – 72 hours for most food to pass through your body. It takes 6 – 8 hours for food to pass through your stomach and small intestine, and then at least 24 hours to pass through the largeintestine.

If you’re planning on light anal stimulation with no penetration, then concentrate on washing the area very thoroughly with a mild soap and water. Make sure to skip the fancy soaps to avoid irritation. Also, as you’re having a shower, or a bath, if you kneel down into a squat and spread your legs, it will make shaving that little area so much easier, and you’ll be smooth and sweet smelling!

For full anal sex, you may consider doing an enema before the act. An enema is the process of cleaning the rectum with a bulb syringe or an enema bottle. It’s important to use a regular water enema (lukewarm or slightly warm), but not one that acts as a laxative. If you’ve never used an enema before, try a practice run before you do one for anal sex. Once you have it down, you can do an enema 2-3 hours before sex.

Keep in mind, it is not for the squeamish; it is anal sex after all. Make sure you are comfortable with your body and the way it functions. The key to great anal sex is being mentally ready as much as you are physically.

Now that you are prepared with the right information, you’re ready to go! Remember to relax, go slow and ease into it, use plenty of lube, and enjoy. For more information, check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal.

xo,

jd

 

My husband and I don’t seem to communicate well about sex or our relationship in or outside of the bedroom. How can I change this?

–Amy; Wichita, KS

Hi Amy, I’m so happy you reached out for help. This is a common issue for a lot of couples, which can lead to dissolution of the relationship if never properly addressed.

Communication plays a huge role in successful relationships, sexual or otherwise. You need to discuss how to express your sexuality: what works for you, how to ask your partner what works for them, and how to navigate some of the potential communication pitfalls and insecurities. Communication exercises, both on your own, as well as with your partner, are great ways to build that confidence and bond.

A simple exercise borrowing itself from the concept of “daily affirmations” is to sit with your partner and share 5 things you like about each other. Another exercise, which can take relationship communication to the next level, can be aided with the use of props such as flash cards. By looking through a series of descriptive words, and selecting which words you are comfortable with, you can share with your partner the words you prefer he or she use in relation to how they describe you. (An important thing to note about this exercise is how you can express to your partner why certain words work well for you.)

Starting with these exercises will open up the lines of communication and intimacy between you and your partner. There are plenty of more advanced communication exercises you can do with your partner, as well as great workshops and classes. I would recommend searching online to see what is in your area. Good luck, have fun, and remember to enjoy yourselves!

xo,

jd

 

Sex Positions for Plus Size Lovers

When I shot the second instructional in my series, I chose positions because of the number of questions I received from couples about the best ways to position their bodies to bring their partners to orgasm during sex. After Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions came out, I was besieged with questions about what positions were good for others – people with disabilities, seniors, women who are pregnant, and plus size lovers. Lovers come in so many different shapes and sizes, and many more volumes of Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions may follow accordingly. For now, I’d like to begin by suggesting a few positions that are good for our plus sized partners.

Comfort is of the utmost importance. There’s nothing worse than being close to orgasm but being in a position you can’t maintain and having a leg cramp! I suggest having sex on a comfortable surface – ideally a bed or couch – and since these places are the natural habitat of pillows, have lots of those on standby as well. Pillows make great sex enhancers for everyone, you can put them under your female lover for oral and missionary, you can use them under your stomach to prop you up, even under your knees. You can also find special sex wedges, such as The Liberator that can prop you up, and many find these are especially great for doggy.

Let’s start with missionary. With pillows underneath your hips, you are open and accessible for oral sex, and missionary style penetration as well. If you pull your knees into your chest, you are more open for deeper penetration. A great way to modify this is to lay on your back, pillows under hips, pulling your knees up towards your chest, and have your man lay on his side as he enters you, your bodies forming a cross. You can also put your legs down over him to free up your hands for some clitoral action.

Lots of people love doggy, but for some with more rear cushioning, getting the depth of penetration you need can be a challenge. Start here, but then bring your leg/knee up towards your chest, and lean to the opposite side – doggy with one hip higher than the other. Often, this is just the right angle – and it gives your partner a chance to watch the action.

Woman on top can be an ideal position for the heavier man or woman. With the man laying on his back, mount him, and as you do, shift your weight backwards. You can brace yourself with your hands on his thighs or on the bed. Can’t quite reach? Try one of those handy pillows. Experiment with grinding back and forth versus up and down thrusting. As a variation, you can ride facing away from him, on your knees or up on your feet. Try leaning forward as you do this. You ‘ll find that with changing angles of penetration comes some very different sensations.

Complicated positions are often just not worth the effort… for anyone. Our main focus here is on comfort and ease of accessibility. Add to that communication with your lover about what works and what doesn’t, and Wickedly good sex is sure to follow.

xo,
jd

The Rules of a Threesome

Rules of a Threesome: The Comfort Zone

Having written previously about how to initiate a threesome, I think it’s important to dig deeper and look at some of the potential hazards lovers must navigate once they’ve found the third person for their “ménage à trois.”

Pre-Game Report: Get in the Zone

While sensitivity, compassion and respect are foundationally important in all forms of sexual
exploration, they’re critical to threesomes, where the tastes and boundaries of each person
must be clearly communicated in advance to maximize “the comfort zone” for all involved.

I subtitled my jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex DVD from Wicked Pictures Every Man’s
Fantasy because, ultimately, this has been my experience after years of interaction with my
male fans. So let’s get real. Men, if another woman is entering the sexual equation, keep
one thing in mind: It’s not all about you! If you’ve followed the steps outlined in my previous
Threesomes article, then this lady is there because she’s likely as attracted to your partner as she is to you. Everything you do physically and emotionally should reinforce this chemistry.

Possibly the most important rule to remember during a threesome is the Rule of Firsts. Always make sure your everyday partner is the first you go down on, have intercourse with, give an orgasm, or receive your semen. The more couples I speak with who engage in threesomes, the more I understand this to be the Golden Rule when it comes to bringing in a third person.

Halftime Report: First Among Equals

Once you are in bed, pleasure both women with as much mutual attention as possible. Be
generous! As you’ve already discussed boundaries and positions in advance, modulate your sensual choices accordingly – for example, if kissing isn’t within your new lover’s comfort zone, touch and caress her body passionately without “going there,” even if the heat of the moment is attempting to persuade you otherwise.

And of course, it’s the same once the penetration begins. If she seemed disinterested in, say, one-on-one missionary sex with you when specific positions were discussed earlier, don’t try to press the point once all three of you are between the sheets.

If you’re truly 100% present with both ladies as you move from each mutual act to another, you’ll treat each woman as “firsts among equals.” And chances are, you’re going to enjoy the way your sexual savvy is rewarded.

Post-Game Wrap-Up: Don’t Be the Last to Know

As this heady adventure becomes a happy memory,  be open and honest with your partner
about your experience. You may think you were the perfect gentleman, but invite her opinions, good and bad.

Communication and honesty are key, as always. Regardless of whether you both see more
threesomes looming on the horizon, candidly discuss what you got right and even, more
importantly, where you may have gone wrong – especially if any sexual “lines in the sand” were blurred or, even worse, crossed.

Of the three stages of sharing I’ve outlined here, the “Post-Game Wrap-Up” may be the most important of all, as it will probably dictate whether or not you and your partner ever go down this road again. So don’t just listen to her thoughts – hear them.

Be completely honest in your own feelings as well. This is why honesty is so paramount – if you don’t believe your partner has accepted your thoughts on the subject with sincerity, you’ll find yourself reminding her of it in a million ways.

While I touched on positions ever so briefly here, be sure to investigate jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Threesomes – Every Man’s Fantasy for more explicit and varied examples.

I’ll be writing more on this topic in the near future, but in the meantime, I wish you the best as your own “Game Day” threesome approaches. If you stay within the comfort zone, not only will you cross the finish line, you’ll recognize it like a long-lost friend.

Sex Positions – Missionary Variations

If your sex life is in a rut, and you and your partner find yourselves in a monotonous routine, an easy way to spice things is up is by altering your positions.  Even slight alterations can drastically change the outcome, increasing the excitement, intimacy, and orgasms.

 

Missionary position is one of the most popular positions, allowing a great sense of face-to-face intimacy, kissing, and eye contact.  There are many variations on the missionary passion, which can enhance enjoyment for both.

 

While the man is on top, the woman can place her legs together beneath him and squeeze them tight.  This can increase the friction and tightness he feels. This can also be great for clitoral stimulation as his body is rubbing up and down.

 

The woman can also raise her knees and put her feet flat on the mattress, lifting her pelvis to meet his thrusts.  This allows for deeper penetration and frees the woman’s hands to roam…  It’s especially great for her stimulation.

 

Wrapping a woman’s legs around a man’s waist provides stability to go along with deeper thrusting.  It also gives her the ability to pull the man even closer.

 

In missionary, the higher the woman’s legs go, the deeper the penetration.  Flexible couples can rest the woman’s ankles on the man’s shoulders (experiment with the knees open and closed).

 

Another amazing thing about the missionary position is the ability to lick, suck, or bite on your partners’ toes or do a little leg worship… if that’s something you’d both enjoy.

 

For even deeper penetration and possible g-spot stimulation, try GENTLY pressing your partner’s legs back towards her body.  Be very careful.  You can aim them straight back, or off to the side.  Again, this is going to give you serious depth, so if you’re with a partner who is more endowed, this may not be as comfortable for you.

 

Using variations on the missionary position is a wonderful way to approach the subject of new positions with your partner.  By delicately adjusting her legs or moving his body, you can both discover new sensations and levels of ecstasy.  Then you can discuss more positions described in Guide to Wicked Sex: Basic Positions.

 

XO,

jd

Dear jessica: Are There Tricks to 1st Time Anal Sex?

jessica, I’m sure you get this question a lot: My husband and I want to try anal sex. What are the best ways to physically prepare for it?  I think I’m good on the mental side.

–Karen; Los Angeles, CA

 

Karen, kudos to you and your husband for being adventurous.  There are steps you can try weeks ahead of time and preparation steps right before the act, if you feel like being spontaneous.

 

If you have some room for planning, a popular way of preparing for anal sex is changing your diet a bit.  Consume less fatty foods and eat small meals.  Keep in mind it usually takes 24 – 72 hours for most food to pass through your body.  It takes 6 – 8 hours for food to pass through your stomach and small intestine, and then at least 24 hours to pass through the large intestine.

 

If you’re planning on light anal stimulation with no penetration, then concentrate on washing the area very thoroughly with a mild soap and water.  Skip the fancy soaps to avoid irritation.  Also, as you’re having a shower, or a bath, if you kneel down into a squat and spread your legs, it will make shaving that little area so much easier, and you’ll be smooth and sweet-smelling!

 

For full anal sex, you may consider doing an enema before the act.  An enema is the process of cleaning the rectum with a bulb syringe or an enema bottle.  It’s important to use a regular water enema (lukewarm or slightly warm), but not one that acts as a laxative.  If you’ve never used an enema before, try a practice run before you do one for anal sex.  Once you have it down, you can do an enema 2-3 hours before sex.

 

Now you’re ready!  Relax, go slow, and enjoy.  For more information, check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal.

 

xoxo,

jd