Men: 3 Tips to Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Within popular culture, when it comes to a man’s sexual performance, stamina seems to be almost as important as penis size. Let’s face it – in the movies (porn AND mainstream), on TV, and even in popular music, fully pleasing a woman isn’t just a momentary bragging moment, it’s an expected male duty. And that’s a lot of pressure.

I think there’s some confusion as to what “ED” or Erectile Dysfunction really is. ED has nothing to do with going all night long- rather, it’s actual impotence. The inability to get an erection strong enough for penetrative sex. And while we’re at it, let’s also dispel the myth that every woman wants sex that lasts for hours with a massively endowed man. Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes, but most women are good with quality over quantity. Can you last 5, 10, 15 minutes? Congrats, you’re in the majority! But if you’d like a few simple tips to increase your stamina even further, read on!

GTWS_sexy-couple-bed

1) Stop Worrying About Your Performance!

Sex is mostly mental. Especially when a man’s confidence begins to waver, and he’s in that slipperly- slope headspace. Not only can this affect performance, but it can kill the entire erection! It can be a vicious cycle, but if you can catch yourself as it starts, just pause and take a deep breath. Focus on your partner, her body, not your feelings. Just go with the flow. Switch things up, go back a step. Enjoy more foreplay.

2) Make Your Partner Orgasm Ahead of You (Or Vice Versa):

If you’re worried about performance, perhaps putting a bit more effort into the “pre-penetration process” will be to your advantage. If your partner orgasms during oral sex, they’ll be more aroused, future orgasms may come easier, and it might help relieve some of the pressure you feel, giving you more opportunity to just enjoy yourself. Consequently this also works the other way around. If you orgasm during foreplay, you can take your “recovery” time to lavish even more attention on your partner. After all, you know what they say; foreplay IS usually the best way.
 
3) Incorporate the Squeeze Technique:

Try the “squeeze technique” on your off-time, during masturbation. Get yourself right to the edge of the point of no return, and then stop. Do this a few times until you’re really familiar with those few seconds right before you orgasm. Then, incorporate The Squeeze on the head of your penis until the urge subsides. Make sure to practice this a lot (research!) and then share it with your partner during sex. When things get too hot and your orgasm is imminent, pull out and squeeze. You can even have her do it with you. Some guys also like the idea of using cock rings to prolong their erections, just make sure to use one that you can easily remove, and don’t wear it to the point of being numb- you can cause lasting nerve damage by restricting the bloodflow.

The bottom line is there are many ways to improve your stamina in bed, but these are just a few at the top of my list. However,  you’re probably already doing a great job, just as you are. Talk to your partner and get her feedback on what she imagines the “right” length of time is. It might be totally different than what you’d think. Relax. Have fun. Let’s take the stress out of sex.

xo,

jd

Common Female Fantasies – Which is #1?

Originally published on *Ask Men

A newly published study out of Montreal, which set out to “scientifically define sexual deviation for the first time ever”, had researchers asking 1,500 Quebec adults (split evenly between men and women) about their biggest sexual fantasies.

Published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, results include facts like 1) Men fantasize more and with greater detail than women and 2) Females are less likely to want their fantasies to come true. But most interesting of all is what researchers found to be the No. 1 fantasy among women: Submission a la Fifty Shades of Grey.

Learn more about domination and several other recurring themes found in common female fantasies by reading on. Remember: Whether you’re dating a puritan or the neighborhood tart, deep down they share the same basic desires and have similar sexual cravings.

gtws_femalefantasy

Domination

Your girl doesn’t have to be into whips and chains to fantasize about this one, as it covers a rather broad spectrum of naughtiness, ranging from dominating to being dominated. The latter is a particularly common female fantasy (even for dominant women), which often extends to capture fantasies. Women who fantasize about such things are usually highly sexual, but may feel guilty about their desires. This is guilt which can easily be assuaged with the right kind of encouragement.

Sex With A Stranger

Hot no-strings-attached sex is a common female fantasy for the simple reason that most women wouldn’t have the nerve to engage in this kind of thing without being fully liquored up. The idea likely appeals to her inner feminist because if she walks into a bar and takes a man home for an all-night shag fest, then she’s a modern, sexually liberated woman whom her girlfriends can admire. What keeps this a fantasy for most women is the fear of post-coital self-judgement at having behaved so wantonly. This type of fantasy is usually found in women who would like to be more sexually free than they currently are.

Sex In Public

Society tends to demand a certain level of modesty and propriety from women and that can really get on a girl’s nerves. The idea of being naughty while random strangers pass by can be a massive turn-on for even the shyest of females. The appeal is partly due to shock value (which makes her feel powerful) and partly due to breaking a massive taboo (which makes her feel wild and wicked). It’s hard to imagine anything more sexually liberating than allowing others to watch you have a good lay. If she’s fantasizing about this, it indicates a decrease in sexual inhibition, which probably means she’s ready to take her present level of kink up a notch.

Sex With Two Men

There isn’t a woman on earth who doesn’t enjoy being the center of attention when it comes to the affections of men and this little fantasy doubles the pleasure. The idea of two studs focusing all of their efforts on her sexual experience, making her orgasm over and over again, is a truly common female fantasy. Another facet is being able to fully satisfy two men at the same time, which can make a woman feel sexually potent and powerful. This could just be a fantasy or it could indicate that she feels her current partner isn’t seeing to her needs adequately.

Sex With Another Woman

The vast majority of women, whether bisexual or not, has at least entertained the idea of having sex with another woman. And, of those women, most have fantasized about having hot lesbian sex with a gorgeous, sexy woman. The fantasy may or may not involve allowing a man to watch, but it’s not about having a three-way romp; This is something she imagines on her own, just her and one other female. Fear not: This doesn’t mean she’s into you any less, it simply means she finds the female form sexually stimulating. Surely you can relate?

Role-Playing

This one covers a lot of ground and it’s important to note that the word “role-playing” doesn’t necessarily denote playing dress-up. Yes, common female fantasies might involve dressing up like a hooker and having their man pick them up on the boulevard, but it could also be as simple as imagining herself as a stripper and giving you a private lap dance. By dressing up like someone else, she can act out her salacious fantasies and this can be very beneficial for a relationship, as it can give a woman the courage to do the things she’s always wanted to do, but never had the nerve to. If she’s mentioning this one, she’s likely ready to add some spice in the bedroom and just needs a little encouragement to get there.

Voyeurism

While most women don’t really get turned on by the idea of watching others have sex, most of them do get incredibly turned on by the idea of being watched themselves. Perhaps the most common female fantasy along these lines involves being watched in secret. This allows her to maintain her modesty while still indulging her inner vixen. This fantasy can sometimes mean she needs a bit more in the way of attention or it can mean she simply gets off on the performance, rather than the experience. You can satisfy this urge easily enough by videotaping your next sexual encounter.

Make Her Fantasy A Reality

Each of these common female fantasies can be turned into reality with a relatively small degree of effort on your part. It might take a bit of practice before both of you are truly comfortable acting them out, but the learning stage is just as hot, sexy and satisfying as the fully experienced stage.

Study: Men, Lesbians More Likely to Have Orgasms

Originally published on *U.S. News & World Report
Written by Randy Dotinga

When it comes to achieving orgasms during sex with a regular partner, straight women still lag behind men and lesbian women, a new study suggests.

Using surveys of single people, the Kinsey Institute research suggests that men — straight or gay — climax about 85 percent of the time during sex, while lesbians do so about 75 percent of the time. Straight females placed third, achieving orgasm during about 63 percent of sexual encounters.

Why the discrepancies? Basic anatomy and gaps in communication between partners may be key, the study authors said.

“We need to take seriously the wide variety of factors that may influence sexual outcomes, including orgasm, in individuals and couples,” said study lead author Justin Garcia, an assistant professor of gender studies at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University, in Bloomington.

The findings aren’t definitive, he stressed, because they’re based only on people’s recollections about recent sexual encounters with familiar sex partners.

Still, the study does offer new insight into sexuality, Garcia believes. “In their 1966 treatise, Masters & Johnson suggested that lesbian women have more orgasms than heterosexual women,” he said. “Yet there have not been many studies that have taken a careful look at orgasm outcomes across sexual orientation categories. We attempt to fill this knowledge gap.”

To do so, the new study analyzed the results of an Internet-based survey of 2,850 single American adults age 21 or older — almost 1,500 men and 1,350 women. The survey had higher numbers of gays and bisexuals than the American population because the researchers wanted to fully represent their experiences.

All the participants reported having sex with someone else over the past year, and each answered a question about the percentage of the time that they had an orgasm during sex with a familiar partner over the past 12 months.

The difference in orgasm rates between straight and lesbian women was significant, and the reasons why aren’t clear. Study co-author Elisabeth Lloyd, chair of history and philosophy of science at Indiana University, said it may have something to do with the fact that penetrative intercourse is a more crucial part of sex for straight women than for lesbians.

The anatomy of women — especially the difference between the clitoris and the urinary opening — is crucial to the likelihood that a woman will have an orgasm through intercourse, she said.

Still, better communication between heterosexual partners couldn’t hurt, the researchers added.

“The most successful means of increasing satisfaction has always been increased communication and attentiveness to the partner’s responsiveness,” Lloyd said. In other words, talk and pay attention.

Garcia agreed. He said partners of all types can help women reach orgasm by paying attention to “both spoken and unspoken communication.”

“Some individuals may say what they want, or be willing to state what they want if asked by a partner; others may communicate with body language,” Garcia said. “And for others it may take getting to know each other, both in and out of the bedroom, to understand what allows them to experience positive sexual outcomes.”

And does all this mean that lesbians are more sexually satisfied than straight women? Not necessarily, the researchers sad.

“Satisfaction is different from orgasm — many women can be sexually satisfied without orgasm,” Lloyd said. “We can’t infer that there are legions of unsatisfied heterosexual women because of this study. We’d have to ask them.”

The study appears online Aug. 18 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

More information

For more about female orgasms, visit The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada.

Elusive and Amazing: Female Ejaculation

According to some people, one of the hottest things a woman can do is to ejaculate during orgasm. But to a lot of women, the whole concept of “female ejaculation,” also called squirting, is confusing and maybe even a little freaky. Here’s some info to help clear the record once and for all about female ejaculation:

• Female ejaculation is definitely not a myth! It happens to so many more women than you could imagine, and a lot of people are incredibly turned on by it.

• The more aroused you are, the more likely you are to ejaculate – so make sure you’re all warmed up. If your partner is helping you feel aroused, communicate. Let them know what works for you and what doesn’t to get those juices flowing!

• Have your partner locate and start stimulating your G-spot. Use small, repetitive circular movements to start. Once the G-spot starts to swell in size, keep going, and start increasing pressure a little at a time. You’re probably going to feel like you might have to pee, but don’t worry – you won’t.

• Next, have your partner increase the intensity and speed in a way that’s comfortable for you. What works really great is to be as relaxed as possible, so you can concentrate on the sensations and let yourself go. Remember to breathe, and keep going until you reach the point of orgasm.

• Female ejaculation feels different for every woman. You might not feel anything at all! Similar to how a guy can feel all sorts of different things when his cock is stimulated in a variety of ways, it’s the same way with G-spot orgasms. Every orgasm is different, and every woman feels something different if and when she ejaculates! Some say it feels like a regular orgasm. Others feel a sensation similar to urination (although the fluid that comes out is definitely NOT pee!), and still others feel nothing at all except for additional wetness.

• So what actually happens to the body when female ejaculation takes place? The Skene’s gland, which is located on the upper wall of the vagina, fills up with fluid during arousal. When the G-spot is stimulated to the point of orgasm, it can cause a gush-like release of fluid. There’s no actual scientific evidence why this happens for some women and not others. Similar to how everyone’s orgasm is different, the same goes for female ejaculation. Some women squirt with distance (like guys), and some only get an increased splishy-splashy feeling. So if you don’t squirt, or if you don’t have something that looks like a geyser, there’s absolutely nothing wrong. It’s different for everyone.

• If you don’t ejaculate the first (or second, or third) time you have a G-spot orgasm, don’t worry! Sometimes a g-spot orgasm will not have a gush to go along with it, but it’ll still be incredibly intense.

• The general response from sex partners of those who ejaculate is they think it’s amazing. Making someone’s body do something involuntarily is incredibly sexy! It’s similar to seeing your guy ejaculate during an orgasm. For both men and women, who are generally very, very visual creatures, seeing pleasure in this way can be a huge turn-on.

So yes, female ejaculation is a real thing. Try a few techniques to see if you’re able to squirt, and add it to your bedroom play – and if it doesn’t happen, it’s still a whole lot of fun exploring your G-spot!

For even more information, including techniques on how to achieve your own ejaculatory orgasm, check out “Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot & Female Ejaculation.”

xo,
jd

*This article originally appeared on Fleshbot.com as part of a weeklong guest editor gig I had

New study claims there is no such thing as a vaginal or clitoral orgasm

*Originally posted on The Telegraph

A new study claims that there is no such thing as a vaginal, or clitoral orgasm. Oh, and apparently the G-spot is a myth, too.

By

The elusive G-spot does not exist, according to a new study.

So far, so typical. It seems we can’t go a few months without researchers offering a new opinion on the supposed holy grail of the female orgasm. One minute it exists, the next it doesn’t.

But, now it turns out, this isn’t the only think we might have to rethink.

According to researchers, the vaginal orgasm and clitoral orgasm don’t exist either.

GTWS_feet
Image courtesy of Getty Images

This may come as a surprise to any woman who thought she had experienced an orgasm in this way. But a report published in the journal of Clinical Anatomy explains that, actually, there’s only one type of orgasm a woman can have and that should just be known generally as the “female orgasm.”

The authors of the study explain that we have interpreted the female anatomy incorrectly. They say that the “internal/inner clitoris does not exist: the entire clitoris is an external organ.”

They explain that a “vaginal orgasm”, which some women report experiencing from penetrative sex, is “always caused by the surrounding erectile organs” – dubbed the “female penis.”

The study aims to help women understand the certainties of the female orgasm and clarifies whether the terms we use in everyday life have any scientific basis.

Turns out, many – female ejaculation, premature ejaculation and G-spot amplification – just don’t. What’s more, the phrase ‘vaginal orgasm’ was found to have been invented by Sigmund Freud.

The authors also tackle the assumption that some women are physically incapable of orgasm, calling this a myth. They explain that all women can have the ‘female orgasm’ if effectively stimulated.

Co-author Dr Vincenzo Puppo added: “Male ejaculation does not automatically mean the end of sex for women; touching and kissing can be continued almost indefinitely, and noncoital sexual acts after male ejaculation can be used to produce orgasm in women.”

So there you have it. From now on, we should only refer to the ‘female orgasm’. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot and Female Ejaculation Stills

Curious about your G-Spot? Are you a “squirter”? What is female ejaculation, and how can you just give in and surrender yourself to one of the strongest orgasmic experiences ever; with or without a partner? Explore these questions and more in jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: G Spot and Female Ejaculation. In this edition of the multi-award winning Instructional series from Wicked Picture’s very own resident sex educator, you will learn what the G-Spot is, where it’s at, and how best to use it for your pleasure…

Link: Guide to Wicked Sex: G Spot and Female Ejaculation

jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot and Female Ejaculation G2 g3 g4 g5 g6 g7 g8

 

Ask jessica: The Infamous G-Spot

Hi jessica, I’ve heard a lot about the infamous G-Spot, but I don’t know if I’ve ever had an orgasm from it. Help?

-Sarah, Sacramento, CA

Hi Sarah, you are not alone in feeling this way. You may even have experienced a G-Spot orgasm and not known what it was. Many women are curious about the G-Spot, but they don’t know what they are looking for. Here are some easy steps that may help.

Take some of your favorite lube and insert a finger or two inside yourself. Feel the warmth of all the different ridges and textures. Now curve your finger (or fingers) up towards your belly button to make that “come here” motion; search for a spot with a slightly different spongy feel- it will be about the size of a quarter. Experiment with different kinds of pressure on this area- stroking, tapping, rubbing. This may make you feel like you have the urge to pee, but if you keep going, you may just have an amazing G spot orgasm! The risk is worth the reward.

There are also toys made especially for G-Spot stimulation. Some of my favorites for hitting your sweet spot are:

  • Moka G-Vibe – As I was preparing for my “Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot and Female Ejaculation” instructional, I realized that while I had occasional G-Spot orgasms with a partner, I had never had one on my own.  I needed way more practice if I was going to be of any real help. Enter the Moka G-Vibe. Mine is purple! The slightly flat, yet still curved vibe is the right size and shape to stimulate your much sought after place. I recommend trying different angles and thrusting, or maybe even try dragging it across your G-Spot. I was glad I put towels down!
  • Love Handle G-Spot Vibrator from Evolved – There are many reasons why I love this toy – it’s the perfect size; it fits my curves; and there are 7 different functions. It’s not overwhelmingly big, and its handle is at the right angle, so you can easily reach your G-Spot (or someone else’s).

Now you’re ready for a little G-Spot self-love, or even with a partner. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the sweet G-Spot “O”! For more information check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex G Spot and Female Ejaculation.

xo,

jd

jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men Stills

Every man wants to know but few are brave enough to ask. If you are curious about anal play for men, but don’t know where to start, this movie is for you. Wicked Pictures and resident sex educator jessica drake present the next installation in the award winning educational series, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex:Anal Play for Men” With candid interviews and informative demonstrations, we will guide you to bigger, better, explosive orgasms, courtesy of your “P Spot”. From tongues to toys to strap-on sex and more, you’ll find everything you and your partner need to make sure the experience is mind blowing. Also included are three hardcore sex scenes that can be viewed for inspiration-without the educational commentary.

Link: Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men

GTWSAP2 GTWSAP3 GTWSAP4 GTWSAP5 GTWSAP7

 

Sex Positions for Plus Size Lovers

When I shot the second instructional in my series, I chose positions because of the number of questions I received from couples about the best ways to position their bodies to bring their partners to orgasm during sex. After Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions came out, I was besieged with questions about what positions were good for others – people with disabilities, seniors, women who are pregnant, and plus size lovers. Lovers come in so many different shapes and sizes, and many more volumes of Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions may follow accordingly. For now, I’d like to begin by suggesting a few positions that are good for our plus sized partners.

Comfort is of the utmost importance. There’s nothing worse than being close to orgasm but being in a position you can’t maintain and having a leg cramp! I suggest having sex on a comfortable surface – ideally a bed or couch – and since these places are the natural habitat of pillows, have lots of those on standby as well. Pillows make great sex enhancers for everyone, you can put them under your female lover for oral and missionary, you can use them under your stomach to prop you up, even under your knees. You can also find special sex wedges, such as The Liberator that can prop you up, and many find these are especially great for doggy.

Let’s start with missionary. With pillows underneath your hips, you are open and accessible for oral sex, and missionary style penetration as well. If you pull your knees into your chest, you are more open for deeper penetration. A great way to modify this is to lay on your back, pillows under hips, pulling your knees up towards your chest, and have your man lay on his side as he enters you, your bodies forming a cross. You can also put your legs down over him to free up your hands for some clitoral action.

Lots of people love doggy, but for some with more rear cushioning, getting the depth of penetration you need can be a challenge. Start here, but then bring your leg/knee up towards your chest, and lean to the opposite side – doggy with one hip higher than the other. Often, this is just the right angle – and it gives your partner a chance to watch the action.

Woman on top can be an ideal position for the heavier man or woman. With the man laying on his back, mount him, and as you do, shift your weight backwards. You can brace yourself with your hands on his thighs or on the bed. Can’t quite reach? Try one of those handy pillows. Experiment with grinding back and forth versus up and down thrusting. As a variation, you can ride facing away from him, on your knees or up on your feet. Try leaning forward as you do this. You ‘ll find that with changing angles of penetration comes some very different sensations.

Complicated positions are often just not worth the effort… for anyone. Our main focus here is on comfort and ease of accessibility. Add to that communication with your lover about what works and what doesn’t, and Wickedly good sex is sure to follow.

xo,
jd

Understanding a Woman’s Orgasm

I think one of the biggest lessons to “understanding” a woman’s orgasm – whether you’re a woman and it’s yours or it’s that of your wife, girlfriend, casual fling, or one night stand – is it is something nearly impossible to truly understand. I can instruct you on how to bake the perfect cake, do a PowerPoint presentation, or drive a stick shift, but what I cannot do is give you step by step instructions on how to give your partner (or yourself, for that matter) an orgasm. Because we’re all so very different, both in anatomy and also in personal preferences, what gets one woman off simply may not work for another.

A Sex in America survey found that during intercourse, 3/4 of men reach orgasm, but only 1/3 of all women!  Other studies and surveys have found approximately 80% of the women who are orgasming are doing it from clitoral stimulation alone. Regardless of the type of orgasm, whether it’s clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, or a combination of, it’s my goal to help raise this percentage.

For men, I have three tips to offer.

1. Be confident, but not cocky. This applies to most things in life, but especially in the sexual prowess department. Your confidence she’s going to reach climax will encourage her.

2. Be persistent. There are four phases of the sexual response cycle, as explored by Masters and Johnson. The first one, excitement, encompasses foreplay. Make sure you’re doing what it takes, for as long as it takes. I have met many women who are unable to reach orgasm with their partner because they’re worried about taking too long. If your neck/mouth/fingers get tired, always have a backup plan. Switch things up… but don’t give up.

3. Be a good listener. This goes beyond the words coming out of her mouth. When you are doing something she loves, she’ll tell you… if not with her words, with her body. You’ll be able to pick up on her preferences – does she like it hard and fast? Slow and soft? More pressure or less? The answers are already there for you to find. Listen to her breathing. Watch as her toes curl. Is she pulling you in or pushing you away? Take that hint! Oh, and when she says breathlessly, ” don’t stop!”, whatever you do, DON’T STOP.

For women, I have days worth of advice, but I’ll begin with these three tips.

1. Get to know yourself. Your body is amazing. It’s unique. We don’t come with instruction manuals, so it’s up to you to do the groundwork necessary to really explore who you are sexually and what you like. Masturbate. Try things for the first time when you’re alone to alleviate any concerns you might have. When you’re comfortable, you can share them with your partner.

2. Have faith. It’s taking too long? Probably not. Women vary between the very quick 5 minutes to a leisurely half an hour… maybe more. Give yourself permission to do what you need, for as long as you need. Once you orgasm for the first time, you learn you can do it, and after that, you’ll find orgasms come easily. It’s like taking the training wheels off your bike once you get the hang of it. It’s also like the Law of Attraction… for orgasms!

3. Communicate. After you’ve experimented with what gets you in the mood, find a way to share this information with your partner. There are plenty of ways to do this – from a discussion during a dinner date to dirty talk during the act, and everything in between. Feeling adventurous? Plan a night of mutual masturbation where sex with your partner isn’t allowed. Watch each other and notice how you touch yourselves.

These hints are just the tip of the iceberg, but you’ll find in time and with practice, you’ll be on your way to understanding orgasms, and in turn, having many, many more of them.

For help of exploring your body and masturbation, try “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex Female Masturbation.”

xo,
jd