6 Insane Sex Myths (That Are Actually True)

*Originally posted on *Cracked

When that one kid back in high school told us that he’d heard that you could get pregnant from blow jobs or that the chlorine in hot tubs means you can’t catch STDs, we were smart enough to call bullshit. But it turns out that we probably shouldn’t have been so quick to laugh and tell him what a virgin he was, because some of those ridiculous sex myths turned out to be terrifyingly close to the truth. For example …

#6. Yes, the Dude Can Break His Penis (You Can Even Hear it Snap!)


The Myth:

“See how that lady is violently bouncing up and down on that guy’s boner in this porn we’re watching together for some reason? You need to be careful doing that — if she lands wrong, she can absolutely break his penis. I totally know a guy that happened to! They had to put his dick in a little cast! I signed it!”

The Truth:

Come on! That can’t be true, right? It’s not like a boner has an actual bone in it.

No, but there are two cylinders of tissue that become rigid during an erection, and if she lands on it wrong, it can break, with “an audible cracking sound.”

And strangely, this is more likely to happen when a man is cheating, according to University of Maryland Medical Center researcher Dr. Andrew Kramer, who studies penile fractures (and incidentally has by far the worst job in the world). Kramer’s research shows that when a man is having an affair, he’s more likely to end up with a sharp 90 degree bend in his Mini-Me. He reasoned that illicit sex is more likely to happen in unusual ways or places — the guy is trying to impress her, after all — and it’s awkward positions and “acrobatic” sex that create the most danger to his brittle love stick.

Incidentally, if this ever happens to you or someone you love, yes, you need to seek medical attention immediately. Fixing a break probably requires surgery. If you’re embarrassed, just emphasize to the doctor how acrobatic the sex was.

#5. You Can Totally Get Your Junk Stuck Together During Sex


The Myth:

“I heard from a friend of a friend about this guy who was banging some married chick. The husband came home without warning, and the dude tried to pull out and run away, but he couldn’t. He was stuck. Inside her.

The Truth:

It sounds like the dumbest of the sex horror urban legends, but sometimes even the dumbest stories have a kernel of truth to them. In this case, it’s a rarely documented but not unknown phenomenon called penis captivus. You don’t need to be fluent in Latin to guess what that means. For instance, doctors at a British hospital reported a young couple being brought in via ambulance and carried into the emergency room on a single stretcher, as they were stuck together like conjoined twins joined at the genitals. Once inside, they were presumably pried apart with a crowbar, making a kind of cork popping sound when they disengaged.

Legends of people getting their dirty bits stuck inside each other have persisted for centuries, and it was long said that it happened when people did the nasty with someone they shouldn’t, like another man’s wife. Modern medicine dismissed the idea for a long time, chalking it up to a hilarious scary story told to keep people from cheating on their spouses.

But medical science is always trying to discover new horrors for you to have nightmares about, and now experts say all it takes is for the female’s southern regions to clench in such a way as to turn a vagina into a kind of Chinese finger trap. If you would like an illustration, go to YouTube and browse the many, many videos of it happening to dogs:

Or don’t. There are better uses of your time. Anyway, humans aren’t dogs, and when this happens to us, it’s usually only for a few seconds, and then everyone has a good laugh about it. Usually.

#4. Sex Can Cause Blindness


The Myth:

“Dude, my bro was railing this chick and he busted his nut so hard, he went blind! Said it was totally worth it, though.”

The Truth:

Despite all those crazy liars telling you that masturbation is completely safe, your mom may actually have been right when she told you that flogging the dolphin would make you go blind. Well, kind of. It turns out that it is possible to have an orgasm so aggressive that you straight up lose your vision.

The blindness, known by the terrifying name of amaurosis fugax, usually only lasts for a few minutes before your sight comes back. And, bizarrely, it only happens in one eye, for some reason. When a 52-year-old man started going blind every time he had sex with his wife, he decided he should probably see a doctor. So did a Danish man and a woman from Texas. They made the right choice, because suddenly losing sight while working hard is a classic stroke symptom.

In each case, the blindness was experienced right around the time of orgasm. When given a stress test on a treadmill, the patients were just fine — it was only sex that set off the condition. And it isn’t necessarily a one-time thing. In the case of the 66-year-old Danish guy, he’d been going blind two or three times a week, which is actually kind of admirable when you consider his age and realize he considered his vision less important than poontang.

Doctors aren’t sure why it happens, but it’s theorized that a particular kind of exertion that some people tend to put their bodies through at the point of orgasm can dam the blood vessels in the eye (some of the patients were cured by prescribing them blood-thinning medication to take before sex). You should also note that this is yet another reason not to have sex while driving or flying an aircraft.

#3. Hickeys Can Cause Strokes and Paralysis


The Myth:

“That weird kid from history class told me that he gave himself that hickey with a vacuum cleaner to make it look like he had a girlfriend.”

“Holy shit, tell him not to do that, man! I met this kid at camp whose friend did that and died.”

The Truth:

In case you don’t know, a hickey, or love bite, is a sign of affection whereby your partner puts their mouth on your neck and sucks so hard that it leaves a long-lasting mark. Yeah, it’s actually pretty fucking weird when you see it written out like that, but what’s weirder is the fact that it can apparently give you a goddamn stroke, which is even less romantic.

A Maori woman from New Zealand freaked out a little when her left arm suddenly stopped working one day. Needing her arm to do various arm-related things, she decided she should hit up the local ER. When the doctors looked her over, they decided that she’d had a stroke and gave her some blood thinners as part of the standard treatment, although they had no idea what might have caused a healthy woman to stroke out like that.

But then one of them noticed a bruise on her neck right next to a major artery. The woman told them it was a hickey, presumably rolling her eyes at the clueless nerds. But when they examined it closer, they discovered that the woman had been hickeyed so hard that it had bruised a major artery, which clotted to the point of stroke and potential paralysis. Doctors could find no other recorded examples of this happening, although obviously that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened — it’s not like this is the first thing they check for on stroke victims.

#2. Food Allergies Can Be Transmitted Through Semen


The Myth:

“My hairdresser warned me to be careful, since I’m allergic to peanuts. Her sister’s face swelled up like a balloon when she gave her boyfriend a blow job after he had eaten some trail mix.”

The Truth:

We covered semen allergies before. They’re pretty terrible on their own, what with the baby batter making you swell up and itch or giving you the flu, but the dangers of unprotected sex can be even more subtle than that: It is also possible for food allergies to be triggered by semen if the guy you’re doing the nasty with has recently eaten the thing you’re allergic to.

Just ask the British woman who had what might be the first recorded case of a sexually transmitted allergic reaction. Her boyfriend ate a few handfuls of mixed nuts, but, knowing about his lady friend’s debilitating Brazil nut allergy, he showered and brushed his teeth before making his move. Still, after they finished up, the woman began to experience the tell-tale signs of having ingested nuts, and not the kind of nuts that she thought she’d had in her mouth. After going to the doctor, their fears were confirmed when the doc did one of those skin-prick tests with his nutty semen.

That’s right — in what must have been the most awkward hospital visit of all time, the doctor asked him to eat some Brazil nuts and then rub one out into a vial so that he could smear it on his girlfriend’s arm, at which point he would have been right to ask whether he could check the guy’s medical license.

#1. Cheating on Your Spouse Can Cause Injury or Death


The Myth:

“You’d better be careful if you’re thinking of cheating on that nice girl, because karma will always catch up with you in the end. Death karma.”

The Truth:

We mentioned earlier that boner fractures are more common among unfaithful partners, due to the “Let’s try it on my motorcycle!” nature of the sex they’re having. But it turns out those guys are getting off easy.

People have been spreading urban legends about infidelity causing death since time immemorial. It’s easy to see why — there’s no better way to discourage immoral behavior than to perpetuate a rumor that God will strike you down for it. But surely, as far as biology is concerned, there shouldn’t be anything dangerous about infidelity, because it’s not like nature cares whether you and the person you’re boning have matching rings, right? Well, here’s where things get weird.

Sure, people just stop being alive during sex sometimes. That’s not really news, since TV and movies have been playing the “old man dies on top of his young girlfriend” bit for years. Studies report that roughly 1 percent of sudden deaths happen during some bedroom hanky-panky. But here’s the thing: Of that group of people, almost all of them were cheating on their significant other.

That means that if you’re getting some on the side, you might want to make sure you lay off the pork rinds and go for a jog once in a while. Also, some sad news for cheating d-bags everywhere: The fatalities are almost exclusively dudes. Although they were usually with a much younger woman, so we guess that’s a trade-off you’ve got to choose for yourself.

As you can guess, the logic is similar to the penis breaks — those older guys in full midlife crisis mode are trying to go extra hard, while also feeling the fear of getting caught and the excitement that comes with banging a secretary in their office. That winds up being a little too much for the ol’ ticker (or whatever other organ was the weak link in their system), and before they know it, they’ve humped their way right off the mortal coil. We’d offer some word of caution here, but it’s not like it would actually stop anyone, right?

Past relationships and emotional health may have influence on menopausal women’s sexual functions

Originally posted on *Medical News Today

Past relationships and emotional health may have a much greater influence on menopausal women’s sexual function than hormones. This is according to a new study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.

Researchers say menopausal women’s sexual function may be more influenced by relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being than hormones.

The research team, including Dr. John F. Randolph of the University of Michigan Medical School, says that when a woman goes through menopause, both sexual function and reproductive hormones are subject to changes.

Past studies have assessed how hormonal changes affect sexual function – defined as incidence of desire, arousal, orgasm and pain during intercourse – among menopausal women.

Some of these studies have indicated that hormones such as testosterone – the primary sex hormone in men, although women produce it in small amounts – and estradiol play a role in sexual function among this population, but Dr. Randolph and colleagues say the results have been mixed.

Analyzing sexual function, hormone levels of more than 3,300 women

As such, the team set out with the aim of answering this question: “Are baseline or concurrent serum levels, or changes in levels, of measured reproductive hormones related to domains of sexual function in midlife women as they transition through the menopause?”

To reach their findings, the researchers analyzed data from 3,302 women aged 42-52 years who took part in the Study of Women’s Health around the Nation (SWAN).

At study baseline and during annual follow-up visits throughout the 10-year study, the women were required to complete a questionnaire that asked about their frequency of masturbation, sexual desire, sexual arousal, orgasm and any pain experienced during sexual intercourse.

In addition, blood samples were taken from the women and assessed to measure levels of a number of reproductive hormones – including testosterone, dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate (DHEAS) – which the body can convert into either testosterone or estradiol – and follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), levels of which naturally increase during menopause.

Relationships, emotional health ‘tremendously important’ to women’s sexual function

Results of the analysis revealed that women who had high levels of testosterone or DHEAS experienced sexual desire more frequently and masturbated more often than women who had low levels of these hormones.

Women who had high levels of FSH, however, masturbated less frequently than those who had low levels of the hormone.

But perhaps the most interesting finding was that hormone levels appeared to have only a subtle influence on women’s overall sexual function. In fact, the team found that having fewer sad moods and higher relationship satisfaction was more strongly associated with better sexual function.

Commenting on these findings, Dr. Randolph says:

“While levels of testosterone and other reproductive hormones were linked to women’s feelings of desire and frequency of masturbation, our large-scale study suggests psychosocial factors influence many aspects of sexual function.

A woman’s emotional well-being and quality of her intimate relationship are tremendously important contributors to sexual health.”

In addition, the researchers say that menopausal women should consider whether emotional well-being or relationship satisfaction may be playing a role in diminished sexual function before undergoing hormone treatment, such as testosterone therapy, of which the long-term health effects are unclear.

In August, Medical News Today reported on a study investigating how gender and sexual orientation influence orgasms. The researchers, from Indiana University, found that single women are less likely to experience an orgasm than single men.

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Masturbation – Tips for the Newbie

Those searching online for guidance on ‘sexual pleasure’ will be swamped with articles on how to please your partner.  This goes to show sexual pleasure is mostly thought of as a feeling flowing outward towards another person.  Before you can communicate what would satisfy you to your lover, it is important you know how to satisfy yourself.  Touching yourself is a way of getting in touch with what type of stimulation turns you on.  At its very core, great sex is comprised of communication and knowledge of self-love and self-pleasure, which is derived from masturbation.

Society has long shamed the act of masturbation even more than sex.  As a result, there are many people who feel a sense of embarrassment about masturbation, even though it’s a beautiful and important thing to make time for.  Here are some tips for getting the most out of your alone time:

Find a space.  Masturbation requires uninterrupted concentration; find a private space in which you can be as comfortable and as loud as you want.  If you live with other people, timing is key and having a door which locks might come in handy.

Relax.  Get into the mode of “me.”  This requires letting go of all the worries of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  Do whatever you need to quiet down the buzz inside of your head.  You can light candles, listen to music, or have the hum of your favorite xxx feature playing in the background.

Oh yeah… watch porn.  Porn can be the catalyst you need to get your libido in desire mode.  Have your favorite genres, scenes or performers close by, then hit the play button… and I’m not just talking about the remote!

Or use your imagination.  While men often rely on more visual stimulation, women have been using their imagination since long before Eve bit into the proverbial apple!  Take a moment and really think about what turns you on.  Perhaps it’s a woman or man you met the other day, a coworker you’ve been vying for, a celebrity, a made-up person, or two, or three.  Pretend you’re the director of your own adult flick.

Find what feels good.  You have nerve fibers all over your body.  Use your hands to graze lightly against your skin everywhere because likely it’ll feel good and some spots will call out for more touch.  For most people, nerve fibers are concentrated in the lips, tongue, nipples vulva, pussy, clit, cock head, anus… well, you get the idea.  Recognize which spots are the most sensitive to you.  Use your fingers to find spots that tickle, but instead of laughing, you’re tightening and going “Mmmm…” During your exploration remember your feel-good spots and remember precisely how you touch them.  You will want to revisit often. 🙂

Use adult toys.  Consider purchasing a vibrator or dildo for a pleasurable experience your hands can’t offer.  You can insert a vibrator or dildo inside you and figure out which strokes and moves you enjoy.  Women can also leave their vibrator on their vulva or directly on their clit, figuring how much pressure to apply for earth shattering orgasms.  Men will also find a lot of pleasure from a bullet vibe placed against their balls or cock.  If you’re on a budget, you can use certain household items as well, detachable shower heads for example.  Use a certain amount of discernment when choosing what objects to pleasure yourself with. Always make sure that the base is wider than the top; when you have something to hold on to, it makes for successful removal. 😉 The objects should also be hygienic and safe.  For example, wash any pesticides off that beautiful cucumber before you insert it…

Keep practicing and have fun!



Emotional Rescue: Tackling Sexual Anxiety in Women & Men

Regardless of how it may manifest physically, sexual anxiety ultimately comes from the same place in men and women – a zone of insecurity. The purpose of this brief article is to demonstrate a link between physical vulnerability and emotional vulnerability. For example, it can be easy for some people who lack security in their bodies to project that insecurity into their relationships. For others, an inability to articulate specific wants, needs and desires can foster resentment and anger. Within the context of a sexually intimate couple, these modes of behavior can create emotional “minefields” where even the most minor issues can become stigmatized with a detrimental “charge.”

But before you can conquer anxiety in your physical relationships with others, you have to conquer the anxiety in your relationship with yourself. True intimate relationships begin with yourself because, ultimately, all “outer” relationships are reflections of you and colored by you. That’s not to say that your partner may not ever do something you find undesirable, but even when they do, you are the one who creates the charge, because you are the one who chose to be offended, or “triggered.”

If this scenario sounds even faintly familiar, it may be time to make peace with yourself, because that’s who you are in a relationship with first and foremost. And if you’re feeling insecure, it’s time to start feeling comfortable in your own skin. Overcoming this internal battle within is challenging – we are all a little self-conscious at one time or another, and there aren’t many things in life that make human beings feel more vulnerable than removing our clothes in front of others. With powerful emotions on the line, how does one find reserves of peace within?

Ancient philosophers like Plato and Xenophon responded to this existential quandary by quoting the pithy saying often attributed to Socrates – “Know thyself.” But what does this mean in contemporary, real world terms, how do you put it to work in the bedroom?

Within the context of this article, knowing one’s self can begin on the outside. Spend more of your home time nude! Walk around naked, get used to studying yourself in the mirror, recognizing yourself like a long-lost friend. Most importantly, give that person in the mirror the same compassion and acceptance you give to everyone else who’s important to you.

Once you’ve found greater comfort and affinity with the outer “you,” it’s time to take the journey within. Self-pleasure is essential in constructing your sexual cosmology; use masturbation to learn the width and breadth of your mental, emotional and physical tastes. In short, learn what makes you feel good.  The more you learn about what works for you, the more you’ll bring to the table to the one seeking to please you. Know your carnal self.

In sex, as in many other areas of relationships, the most dispiriting issues tend to arise when we don’t dig enough to learn what we really want, whether it’s from ourselves, a lover, or a potential life partner.

Some forms of insecurity can, and should, be best resolved by seeking the advice of health care professionals. But it can be helpful to remember that by converting your mirrored “subject self” into an authentic “object self,” you can view everything concerned with yourself with detachment. Ultimately, this should leave you peaceful and unaffected by outer events and the behaviors of others. And once you’re free of emotional anxiety, don’t be surprised to find that you’ve been freed of the sexual anxiety that was being triggered by it.

Mutual Masturbation: How to Still Have Sex When You’re Exhausted!

We’ve all been there. Long days at work, meetings that never seem to end, grocery lists that need taking care of – and of course, your beautiful, supportive and wonderful partner also wants to be tended to, and by the way, so do you! So what happens when you’re both absolutely exhausted, but still have a fire lit inside of you?

A great way to connect with your partner and yourself is mutual masturbation. Guys LOVE seeing a girl give herself pleasure, and what better (and more effective) way is there to get some when you’re oh-so-tired?  It can be close, wet and slow, or hot and fast.  Either way, mutual masturbation is a great way to get in touch with yourself and your body, which is always a turn-on for him.

Here are some great ways to get you and your partner prepped for your satisfaction guaranteed session:

  • Start with a shower to get relaxed, clean, and in the mood for each other.  Want to up the ante by lathering each other up? Score. Get him nice and excited for you. Kissing and massaging in the shower always works to get the engines started.
  • Get into bed first, while he’s drying off, and have some lube ready. Start caressing and pleasuring yourself in a way that is most pleasing to you. Make sure you have enough lube on your hand for him as well. Feel free to start stroking his cock while you stroke and rub yourself in front of him.
  • Try lying back from time to time, and let him take over; just relax and receive. Letting him turn you on and help you to climax may be all he needs to get going and reach orgasm as well.
  • Make sure you include some spooning, cuddling, and kissing.  If there are sexual hot spots – like nipples, or playing with his balls – tease them while your partner is pleasuring himself. Have him hold you close while you’re masturbating as well. These are always sure-fire ways to ignite the sexual fire, and maintain intimacy during your mutual masturbation session.

Also, keep these things in mind when you’re initiating a mutual masturbation session:

  • Always check in with your partner. A simple touch on the leg, backrub, or kiss on the back of the neck can help get things going.
  • Your lover may be just as tired and exhausted, but still hot and bothered, as you are. Remember that you know them, and they know you! You know how to turn each other on. Use what you know, and keep communicating, to help your partner get where they need to go. You might also find out a new spot that turns him on, or a new way to please him manually or orally later, when you’re watching him take care of himself.
  • Be your confident, sexy, alluring self. That means sometimes, it might not result in anything more than falling asleep in each other’s arms before orgasm. But remember – once you and your partner wake up from your nap, you’ll both be stimulated from your earlier play, which will just extend your lovemaking session! Languish in the sweet bliss of napping and pick up where you left off once you’re awake.

There will always be time for sex, even if it’s not penetrative or acrobatic. The important thing is to remember your connection, and how much your partner turns you on, even when the days are too long, the laundry piles are too high, and the boss’ demands are never-ending.

The sexiest thing at the end of the day is trust, communication, and intimacy. Have fun, experiment, and get cozy with your lover!



‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex’ Receives 2 Nominations for 2014 XBIZ Awards

Sex Educator’s ‘Anal Play for Men’ & ‘Woman to Woman’ Instructional Videos Earn Recognition for ‘Specialty Release’ Award!

NOVEMBER 26, 2012 — LOS ANGELES, CA — Two titles from acclaimed educational series jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex receive Specialty Release of the Year nominations for the 2014 XBIZ Awards. Sexual wellness authority jessica drake wrote, directed, and hosted jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men and jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Woman to Woman, which are recognized by XBIZ for promoting healthy sexuality.


The 2014 XBIZ Awards will be held at the Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles, California on Friday, January 24.


“I’m so honored that XBIZ recognized my Guide to Wicked Sex series with multiple nominations again this year,” says Wicked Pictures contract performer jessica drake. “Both titles came about after getting feedback from my seminars and radio show. When doing my Anal Sex seminars, I have both women AND men approaching me to ask about prostate play and anal toys for men who are curious, and it made me appreciate that there are many couples eager to try it. Anal Play for Men is a direct response to every one of those questions, and I also hope it’s helpful in breaking down the societal taboos around the topic.”


jessica continues, “Woman to Woman is special to me because I WAS that girl once upon a time. I was attracted to a woman, but I had no idea how to act on my desire. I created this one as a resource for curious women of all types who want to explore a same-sex adventure, and my cast of women who love women could NOT have been better. We captured some of the most authentic chemistry on camera I’ve ever seen. I’m so happy that everyone loves it as much as I do.”


“Being recognized by the industry for my work in sex-positive outreach is extremely humbling,” adds jessica. “Thank you so much, XBIZ, for these nominations, and as always, I’m grateful to Wicked for the support, encouragement, and the opportunity to create this line.”


Wicked Pictures owner Steve Orenstein states, “I’m very happy to see jessica’s educational titles continue to garner nominations and win awards. As a sex-positive and couples-centric product, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex is a very important line for Wicked, and the orders and reorders for her titles are a testament to its popularity and accessibility to the public. We’re thrilled to support jessica’s efforts to continue to educate couples on how to have safe, exciting sex through this line, and are extremely proud of her nominations under our brand.”


The series’ popular volume jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal earned the 2012 XBIZ Award for Specialty Release of the Year.


Each volume of jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex showcases a different aspect of human sexuality as jessica touches on subjects ranging from Fellatio and Anal to Basic Positions and Female Masturbation. She explores each one with the same distinct blend of knowledge, experience and good humor that has led Gawker Media’s Fleshbot to laud her for bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” new voice to the sexual self-help genre.


The 2013 XBIZ Awards will take place Friday, January 24, 2014 at the Century Plaza in Los Angeles. For more information about the 2014 XBIZ Awards, visit http://xbizawards.xbiz.com.


I walk inside my front door, and before it closes completely, out of the darkness, he is behind me, breath on my neck, voice in my ear. His hands are smooth, but his grip is rough as he pins me up against the wall. In an instant, his hands are all over me, and before I know what’s happening, my dress is torn off, and I am forced to my knees. 

For me, fantasizing is automatic. I’ve always had an active imagination, and as I became sexually self aware, my deepest desires permeated my thoughts – while masturbating, sometimes during sex, and quite frequently, at random and often inappropriate times of the day. Though at some level there are reoccurring themes, I am hard pressed to explain or describe a fantasy when answering an interview question. Sometimes I don’t want to share it – I want to keep it, selfishly, purely for my own enjoyment. Other times I’m hesitant to offend the person asking – if it’s of the darker variety.

I hear the leather of his belt slide quickly through belt loops, and the sound alone makes me shake with excitement. I lean forward, now on all fours, breathlessly hoping for the stinging sensation on my ass and wondering how his aim will be in the dark, but instead I hear his zipper and feel the leather wrap around my neck, stealing my air but giving me such pleasure as he pulls it tight.

There are fantasies that stem from previous sexual encounters- reliving the experience over and over in your mind. Some people’s fantasies are triggered by a certain smell or sound, or a tactile sensation. I love the smell of leather and latex, the sound and feel of a sharp blow to my ass. Often things emerge from the depths of our subconscious, and not quite knowing or understanding why, we find ourselves drawn to people who look or act or dress a certain way, and this manifests in our fetishes.

His cock is in my face now, so close I can almost taste it. My mouth is watering. I lean forward. It’s literally on the tip of my tongue, but if I move, the belt tightens.

“What do you want?” he asks, bending down to me, his face just inches from mine.

“Your cock.”

“Do you deserve it?” The belt begins to loosen the tiniest bit; I nod.  “Show me.”

Take time out to get in touch with what turns you on. Having fantasies you play out in your mind can be great for masturbation, even great for mental foreplay, and sharing them with a partner can take you to places you never dreamed you’d go. But it’s also an incredibly vulnerable thing to do… not only does it require trust, it often leaves us more naked than the act itself would. Some fantasies will come true for you, while others are better left unfulfilled, but there’s no denying their importance in our sexual growth and exploration. Be inspired and fantasize.


Understanding a Woman’s Orgasm

I think one of the biggest lessons to “understanding” a woman’s orgasm – whether you’re a woman and it’s yours or it’s that of your wife, girlfriend, casual fling, or one night stand – is it is something nearly impossible to truly understand. I can instruct you on how to bake the perfect cake, do a PowerPoint presentation, or drive a stick shift, but what I cannot do is give you step by step instructions on how to give your partner (or yourself, for that matter) an orgasm. Because we’re all so very different, both in anatomy and also in personal preferences, what gets one woman off simply may not work for another.

A Sex in America survey found that during intercourse, 3/4 of men reach orgasm, but only 1/3 of all women!  Other studies and surveys have found approximately 80% of the women who are orgasming are doing it from clitoral stimulation alone. Regardless of the type of orgasm, whether it’s clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, or a combination of, it’s my goal to help raise this percentage.

For men, I have three tips to offer.

1. Be confident, but not cocky. This applies to most things in life, but especially in the sexual prowess department. Your confidence she’s going to reach climax will encourage her.

2. Be persistent. There are four phases of the sexual response cycle, as explored by Masters and Johnson. The first one, excitement, encompasses foreplay. Make sure you’re doing what it takes, for as long as it takes. I have met many women who are unable to reach orgasm with their partner because they’re worried about taking too long. If your neck/mouth/fingers get tired, always have a backup plan. Switch things up… but don’t give up.

3. Be a good listener. This goes beyond the words coming out of her mouth. When you are doing something she loves, she’ll tell you… if not with her words, with her body. You’ll be able to pick up on her preferences – does she like it hard and fast? Slow and soft? More pressure or less? The answers are already there for you to find. Listen to her breathing. Watch as her toes curl. Is she pulling you in or pushing you away? Take that hint! Oh, and when she says breathlessly, ” don’t stop!”, whatever you do, DON’T STOP.

For women, I have days worth of advice, but I’ll begin with these three tips.

1. Get to know yourself. Your body is amazing. It’s unique. We don’t come with instruction manuals, so it’s up to you to do the groundwork necessary to really explore who you are sexually and what you like. Masturbate. Try things for the first time when you’re alone to alleviate any concerns you might have. When you’re comfortable, you can share them with your partner.

2. Have faith. It’s taking too long? Probably not. Women vary between the very quick 5 minutes to a leisurely half an hour… maybe more. Give yourself permission to do what you need, for as long as you need. Once you orgasm for the first time, you learn you can do it, and after that, you’ll find orgasms come easily. It’s like taking the training wheels off your bike once you get the hang of it. It’s also like the Law of Attraction… for orgasms!

3. Communicate. After you’ve experimented with what gets you in the mood, find a way to share this information with your partner. There are plenty of ways to do this – from a discussion during a dinner date to dirty talk during the act, and everything in between. Feeling adventurous? Plan a night of mutual masturbation where sex with your partner isn’t allowed. Watch each other and notice how you touch yourselves.

These hints are just the tip of the iceberg, but you’ll find in time and with practice, you’ll be on your way to understanding orgasms, and in turn, having many, many more of them.

For help of exploring your body and masturbation, try “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex Female Masturbation.”