Ask jessica – Readers Request jessica’s Advice

I feel like my boyfriend and I always have the “same sex”. I don’t want to get bored with him. What can I do to change up our sex life?

–Amanda; Boston, MA

 

Hi Amanda, it’s great you want to amp up your sex life! There are plenty of ways, big and small, to change things up.

One way to heat up the bedroom is to extend the foreplay well beyond the four walls. Text naughty love notes during the day while you both are at work, or consider slipping a pair of your panties into a pocket of his clothes or briefcase for him to find. It will ensure you’re on his mind throughout the day – anticipation building until he can get home and rip your clothes off.

Another way to turn up the heat is to try having sex somewhere new and risqué, like the kitchen counter or head out to dinner, and make a quick exit to the restaurant bathroom. Remember sex doesn’t have to be in the bedroom!

Continue to try new things and talk about your fantasies with each other. Whether it’s striptease, role-playing, or S&M, decide what you’re both comfortable with and take it from there.

Switching up your positions can also make a huge difference and provide a bit of new excitement between the two of you. For some easy tips, check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex:Basic Positions.

xo,

jd

 

My husband wants to watch porn while we are having sex. I don’t know if I feel comfortable with him watching another girl, while he’s making love to me. What should I do?

–Michelle; Denver, CO

 

Michelle, first of all, when it comes to sex, if there is anything you are uncomfortable doing, DON’T! A man who loves you won’t force you into anything you’re not ready for. However, if you are open to meeting him halfway, try picking out a soft-core adult film you feel comfortable watching together. Make sure to discuss your comfort zone and what your do not cross line is.

Since you feel uncomfortable with your hubby watching porn while you are in the act of having sex, consider turning the film off after foreplay, once things have heated up. Setting boundaries you are both comfortable with is the only way to go.

xo,

jd

jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men Named 2014 AVN Awards’ Best Educational Release

Modern Sex Educator’s DVD on Male Anal & Prostate Play Garners Industry’s Highest Honor!

JANUARY 22, 2014 – LOS ANGELES, CA — The acclaimed educational series jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex continues to garner industry praise, as jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men was named Best Educational Release at this year’s 2014 AVN Awards.

jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex is written and directed by Wicked Pictures contract star jessica drake, who also received an AVN Award for Best Safe Sex Scene this year, for her performance with Brad Armstrong in Sexpionage: The Drake Chronicles (Wicked Pictures).

Held at The Joint in Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas this past Saturday night, the AVN Awards annually celebrates the best of the best in the adult entertainment, sexual education and health, and novelty industries.

“I’m humbled and honored to have jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men receive an AVN award,” says jessica. “When I first started doing my anal sex seminars, both women AND men were approaching me with questions about prostate play and anal toys for men, who want to further explore their sexuality. I made Anal Play for Men in direct response to all of their questions, and I knew it would be very well received. I’m hoping it also assists in further breaking down societal taboos around the topic.”

jessica adds, “As the line continues to grow with feedback from couples, retailers, and reviewers, I am constantly driven to improve each new volume. I’m looking forward to expanding the series even more in 2014 with new topics and inspiring collaborations. I’m so very grateful to Wicked for supporting me, and I sincerely thank everyone at AVN for selecting jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men as Best Educational Release this year.”

In 2012, jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex: Fellatio received AVN’s Best Educational Release award; the release on Anal Sex received the 2012 XBIZ Award for Specialty Release of the Year. The educational series continues to receive ongoing positive support and acclaim from both adult industry and mainstream media.

The Huffington Post says of the series, “Watching her DVDs [is] fun, informative, and sexy all at once…Covering fellatio, anal sex, female masturbation, anal play for men and threesomes, drake uses real couples and porn stars to simulate scenes, as well as hard core sex scenes at the finale, to illustrate the point.” Senior Erotic Consultant Gram Ponante of Fleshbot.com calls drake’s work “Sexy but professional, [dropping] a great deal of science without appearing-as some sex-ed presenters do – like it’s a lecture … she is also savvy enough to not distract her audience by stealing the show.”

Adult industry reviewers agree; XCritic says of jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex, “The down-to-earth dialogue and instructions create a very comfortable atmosphere for the viewer to watch and digest the information… The sexual display(s) by the performers during the instructional portion of this film are important factors in creating this more intimate mood. Overall, it’s the best … instructional film that I have ever seen.” Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor for NightMoves Magazine, echoes the support, saying, “The interviews are candid, open, very honest and also very helpful in understanding about pleasure zones, the whys and wherefores … The scenes are well done, sensual, sexual and not rushed but done in a manner that any man or woman can learn from and enjoy. This is an exceptional series that can enhance your sexual life and lead you into new areas of pleasure you didn’t think possible.”

A fervent educator on sexual health and wellness, drake is a highly sought-after sexual wellness speaker who lectures at universities, teaches seminars, and runs workshops globally. Through her series of workshops and seminars and her line of instructional DVDs, jessica teaches people to explore their sexuality in a fun, safe, and responsible way. She teaches how to set boundaries, emphasize consent, and still have wonderful sex while communicating effectively with partners.

For more information about jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex titles, appearances and sex education seminar series, visit http://www.guidetowickedsex.com.

To download a promotional photo of jessica drake, click here.

About jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex:
Three-time AVN Best Actress winner and sexual wellness authority jessica drake brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s hottest adult stars in her “Guide to Wicked Sex” series. The stimulating sequences are sensual, provocative and enlivened by an informative optional audio commentary. In each volume of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex,” writer, producer, director, and host jessica drake addresses a different aspect of human sexuality, ranging from Fellatio and Anal to Basic Positions and Female Masturbation. jessica explores each topic with the same distinct blend of knowledge, experience, and good humor, which led Dee Dennis, the founder of sexuality conference CatalystCon, to praise her as “an amazing sex educator and speaker, who represents a new direction and is breaking new ground” in the sexual self-help genre. The series’ volume on Fellatio earned AVN’s 2012 Best Educational Release trophy, “Anal” was named XBIZ’s 2012 Specialty Release of the Year, “Anal Sex for Men” received AVN’s 2014 Best Educational Release award. For more information, visit www.GuideToWickedSex.com or www.Twitter.com/Guide2WickedSex.

About Wicked Pictures:
Founded March 1, 1993, acclaimed adult industry powerhouse Wicked Pictures creates quality adult features for women and couples. Wicked Pictures’ elite team of contract talent includes actor-writer-director Brad Armstrong, writer-director Jonathan Morgan, writer-director-stars Stormy Daniels and jessica drake, and such acclaimed actresses as Kaylani Lei, Asa Akira, and Samantha Saint. AVN’s coveted acting awards were received by Wicked Girls for 9 consecutive years; it is the longest record of its kind to be held by a single company in adult video history. For more information, visit www.Wicked.com.

About the AVN Awards:
Over the years, the AVN Awards have become a famous staple in Las Vegas, while being housed in almost every major hotel on the strip. Starting in 1984, the show has grown drastically over the years and is now broadcast each year on cable to millions of viewers. The show allows adult and mainstream celebrities to come together once a year to celebrate the achievements of one of the world’s most profitable industries. In 2012, the AVN Awards took up residence in The Joint at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and returned for a third straight year in 2014. For more information, visit www.AVNAwards.com, www.Facebook.com/TheAVNAwards, or www.Twitter.com/AVNAwards.

Keywords:
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# # #

For Wicked Pictures Domestic Sales Information, Please Contact:
Bonnie Kail
Email: bonnie@wickedpictures.com
PH: 818-349-3593
www.wicked.com

For Wicked Pictures International Sales Information, Please Contact:
Steven Vlottes
Email: MrVlottes@wickedpictures.com
PH: 818-349-3593
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For Wicked Pictures Press Information, Please Contact:
Daniel M
Email: DanielRoadsToMoscow@gmail.com
PH: 818-266-7910
www.wicked.com

For Guide to Wicked Sex Press Information, Please Contact:
Adella
Email: pr@guidetowickedsex.com
PH: 310-804-0514
www.GuideToWickedSex.com

jessica drake, Kelly Shibari Announce Guide to Wicked Sex: Plus Size Collaboration

Modern Sex Educator Teams with Size Acceptance Advocate to Present Groundbreaking Educational DVD!

JANUARY 8, 2014 – LOS ANGELES, CA – Acclaimed sexual wellness authority and Wicked Pictures contract star jessica drake will collaborate with multiple award-winning BBW Performer of the Year and size acceptance advocate Kelly Shibari on the first-ever educational DVD on plus size sexuality. The DVD, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Plus Size, will be released by Wicked Pictures.

jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Plus Size is the first sex education video created for the plus size community. Casting for the groundbreaking project is currently underway; production begins shortly after the January adult awards show season.

“I’m so thrilled to have jessica and Wicked Pictures support me in the creation of this DVD,” says Kelly. “This is a project jessica and I have been discussing for well over a year. She has been a great supporter and a true inspiration in the field of positive sexuality and agreed there was a lack, and a very obvious need, for a sex education video for people of size. I hope the DVD will help men, women, and couples of size become more confident in their sexuality, explore their amazing bodies, and communicate better as to their sexual desires.”

As a BBW model/performer, Kelly is passionate about introducing body positive messages into the media spotlight, and promotes her ongoing mantra of “Confidence is Sexy” through a variety of mediums. Her article on plus size sexuality and pornography on Jane Pratt’s SAY MEDIA site, xojane, was one of the site’s most popular articles. Kelly has written for several adult industry sites, and was a featured guest editor for ex-Gawker Media site Fleshbot’s Kelly Shibari Week, and contributes to sexuality website Gasm.org. A proponent of “intelligent hedonism,” Kelly speaks on college campuses and more on how to intelligently navigate female sexuality, negative media messages about size, and bullying, all while developing self-confidence, class, and inner strength.

Kelly adds, “When I started my research into plus size sexuality, I found there were plenty of blogs and a few books on the subject, but no educational videos, either from lack of production support or hesitation about covering the subject matter. I’m so pleased to have jessica and Wicked take this step with me. Wicked is a phenomenal company when it comes to sex education outreach everywhere, and having their support in creating this DVD is extremely humbling.”

“When I first began Guide to Wicked Sex, I wanted it to be an all-inclusive educational resource for every adult looking to enrich their sex lives,” says jessica drake. “The plus size community deserves better sex education, support, and inspiration, and Kelly Shibari is the perfect person to co-direct and narrate Guide to Wicked Sex: Plus Size to ensure the project’s genuine authenticity.”

jessica continues, “From the day I met Kelly, I hoped to collaborate with her on this project, and over time I’ve gotten to know her both as a friend and fellow educator. Her knowledge and creativity, coupled with a desire to share both in order to better the sex lives of an underrepresented and equally important demographic, will take this instructional to a whole new level. As always, I am extremely grateful to Wicked Pictures for their constant support and for allowing me to continue to expand the Guide to Wicked Sex brand, helping women and couples of all kinds enhance their sexuality.”

A fervent educator on sexual health and wellness, drake is a highly sought-after sexual wellness speaker who lectures at universities, teaches seminars, and runs workshops globally. Through her series of workshops and seminars, and her line of instructional DVDs, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex, drake teaches people to explore their sexuality in a fun, safe, and responsible way. She teaches how to set boundaries, emphasize consent, and still have wonderful sex, while communicating effectively with partners.

For more information on jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex, visit
www.GuideToWickedSex.com or www.Twitter.com/jdGTWS.

About jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex:
Three-time AVN Best Actress winner and sexual wellness authority jessica drake brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s hottest adult stars in her “Guide to Wicked Sex” series. The stimulating sequences are sensual, provocative and enlivened by an informative optional audio commentary. In each volume of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex,” writer, producer, director, and host jessica drake addresses a different aspect of human sexuality, ranging from Fellatio and Anal to Basic Positions and Female Masturbation. jessica explores each topic with the same distinct blend of knowledge, experience, and good humor which led Dee Dennis, the founder of sexuality conference CatalystCon, to praise her as “an amazing sex educator and speaker, who represents a new direction and is breaking new ground” in the sexual self-help genre. The series’ volume on Fellatio earned AVN’s 2012 Best Educational Release award. For more information, visit www.GuideToWickedSex.com or www.Twitter.com/Guide2WickedSex.

About jessica drake:
Karma can mean many things to many people, but for jessica drake, it has always meant an abundance of success and concern for others. Her beauty frames a prodigious talent that has helped her earn AVN’s coveted Best Actress award three times. An exclusive Wicked Pictures contract performer, writer, and director, as well as a global humanitarian and emerging sexual wellness authority, jessica’s brilliant career continues to move forward with ambitious adult productions like Brad Armstrong’s “Underworld” and instructional releases for “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex.” In the popular series, jessica brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s hottest adult stars. Each volume addresses different aspects of human sexuality explored with a distinct blend of knowledge, experience, and good humor, which is refreshing for the sexual self-help genre. The series’ volume on ‘Fellatio’ earned AVN’s 2012 Best Educational Release award, while ‘Anal’ was named XBIZ’s 2012 Specialty Release of the Year. The same demand for her modern sex education DVDs takes jessica around the world, presenting seminars and workshops at expos, retail outlets, and colleges, like the University of California – Santa Barbara and Chapman University, where she speaks to curious adults desiring to learn more about sex, romance, and communication. For more information, visit www.Twitter.com/thejessicadrake and www.GuideToWickedSex.com.

About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production, to performing in front of the camera as the sexually charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Holding the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized performer ever molded for a Fleshlight, Kelly is also the face of harness company SpareParts Hardwear®’s plus size line, and made sexy pop culture media site Fleshbot’s Top Ten Crush Object List for 2013. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. Kelly was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys,” and also named Best BBW Performer at the 2013 NightMoves Awards. For more information, visit www.KellyShibariXXX.com, www.Twitter.com/KellyShibari, and www.Facebook.com/KellyShibari.

Keywords:
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# # #

For Wicked Pictures Domestic Sales Information, Please Contact:
Bonnie Kail
Email: bonnie@wickedpictures.com
PH: 818-349-3593
www.wicked.com

For Wicked Pictures International Sales Information, Please Contact:
Steven Vlottes
Email: MrVlottes@wickedpictures.com
PH: 818-349-3593
www.wicked.com

For Wicked Pictures Press Information, Please Contact:
Daniel Metcalf
Email: DanielRoadsToMoscow@gmail.com
PH: 818-266-7910
www.wicked.com

For Guide to Wicked Sex Press Information, Please Contact:
Adella
Email: pr@guidetowickedsex.com
PH: 310-804-0514
www.GuideToWickedSex.com

For Kelly Shibari Press Information, Please Contact:
press@kellyshibarixxx.com

How to Introduce the Bedroom Into Your Everyday

Sometimes, it seems like the stresses of the day (work, family, and general stuff) gets a woman, her partner, or both of them so wrapped up they might forget their relationship may be suffering. It’s crucial to remember your relationship is just as important as anything else going on in your life – after all, he is your best friend, lover, and confidant! Nurturing the primary relationship in your life is a great way to relieve stress, for both of you.

 

One of the best ways to remind him (and you) that your partnership keeps putting a smile on both of your faces and is a refuge from all of the stresses going on, is to flirt and tease throughout the day. Romance shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom – bring it out, and you’ll find the sentiments are reciprocated!

 

Here are some fun ideas to keep those sexy ideas between you and your lover going throughout the day:

 

  • Give your partner a kiss before they leave for work. If work is at home, remember to give casual kisses or surprise fondles throughout the day.

 

  • Leave a sexy note on the bathroom mirror (or refrigerator, or anywhere else unexpected)… in lipstick.

 

  • Ask your partner to pick out your underwear for the next day – he’ll be thinking about you wearing it all day

 

  • Send a sexy text – it can be words, or a picture.

 

  • Go commando – and make sure your partner knows, either with a sexy text or before he leaves for the day… or over dinner. You know he’ll be thinking about how you’re exposed!

 

There are plenty of other unplanned, sexy little things you can do as well – I’m sure you can come up with some special ideas just for you and him!

 

Here’s the thing: Your partner, much like you, wants to remember that no matter how long the relationship has been going on, he is still sexy, strong, and desired. Making sure he knows you’re on his mind as something other than a provider, especially as someone who is a sexual being, will bring a smile to his face, as well as yours when he reciprocates later.

 

A word of warning, though – or maybe it’s not a warning, but rather a reminder: if he doesn’t respond right away, don’t push the issue! This is about your partner and making sure he knows you want him. It’s not about trying to get something back. There are always going to be times when he’s too busy, or just TOO stressed to reciprocate right away. Don’t worry though – when he does have the time, he will. Pushing too hard, or being passive-aggressive about “all the nice sexy things you’re doing for him” is only going to make him resent your cute advances. So, don’t write notes every morning or send sexy texts 10 times a day. Overkill will dull the issue, and it might even become annoying – and annoying isn’t sexy! Make sure these things are little surprises.

 

It’s been said many, many times a mental re-set can do wonders for the soul. Help him get his mind off of the stresses of the day with these small mental re-sets, and you’ll be sure to keep him smiling all day about the things you two can do together, when he comes home – or you might just get an invitation for a mid-day rendezvous! Who knows – he might even read this blog, and you could start seeing some little re-sets and reminders from him to help you with your stressful day too!

 

xo,

jd

‘Dude, Where’s My Sex Drive?’ – Guest Blog

With everything from the Recession to Ritalin being identified as libido-busting sex drive-killers, guest columnist Daniel M takes a welcome look at healthy ways to get your groove back.

 

As the old saying goes, gravity sets into everything – even relationships. Sexually, some of this gravity can be viewed as purely genetic; as men reach their forties, the hormones that define sexual character go into what is often termed a “state of decline.” But beyond this virtually universal issue are a myriad of medical, emotional and psychological libido busters that lead to a lessening of one’s sex drive.

 

Let’s take a look at some well-known sex drive killers – and some potential cures:

 

Psychological Components: Stress / Anxiety / Depression: While most men maintain a healthy level of sexual engagement into their sixties and seventies, they do experience a subtle decrease in their libidinous impulses as they grow older.

 

This is understandable when one looks at the relative ages in play. Many men “settle down” in their middle years, and along with the blessings a committed relationship brings comes the pressure inherent in being “adults” in Western society. College loans, car payments, mortgages, credit cards, an unstable economy and shaky governments trying to print their way out of money problems. When such issues are taken into account, it becomes easy to see how stress and depression can contribute to a loss of sexual interest.

 

And if this sounds like you, waste no time in speaking to your doctor about what you’re experiencing. In addition to looking for a physical component to your condition (such as low testosterone), your physician may suggest counseling, or, depending on the severity of your condition, therapy in conjunction with an antidepressant. Since one side effect of many such medications, including the popular family of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors known as “SSRIs,” is a known libido killer, it’s critically important that you put modesty aside and discuss this issue openly and frankly so your healthcare provider can recommend most comprehensive treatment possible.

 

Physical Components: Fitness / Weight / Ailments: In addition to the emotional, psychological and other internal issues outlined above, sexual desire can be negatively impacted by a host of physical issues, some obvious, some not.

 

Temporary or chronic issues (along with the underlying emotional issues they may raise) can be a factor, as they sap energy and quality of life

 

In short, it’s hard to woo when you’re wincing.

 

And this brings us, finally, to the area of fitness. There’s no escaping it, guys, the older we get, the harder it becomes to conquer the battle of the bulge. Our bodies are creating less testosterone, leading to natural (and sometimes sudden) weight gain. And with the with the extra pounds comes the potential need for more medication, specifically blood pressure and blood sugar stabilizers – both known libido killers. The psychological stress associated isn’t to be ignored either, as it can lead to body-image issues which, if allowed to fester, can trigger self-esteem issues and a fear of intimacy.

 

As daunting as it may seem, however, the issues outlined above can be conquered. Knowing one’s body and how it works is absolutely critical. Sex is physical; obviously the more highly evolved you are physically, the more you’re bringing to the table and the more you’re going to enjoy in return. There’s no way around this: People who enjoy working out enjoy sex more. With regards to diet, I’m not here to endorse a specific plan other than to suggest avoiding obvious sex-drive slayers like high-cholesterol fatty foods that reduce blood flow over time.

 

In future columns, we’ll look at issues (and solutions) unique to women in these areas, as well as spotlighting some effective tools couples can use to transform a sex life that’s so-so into one that soars!

–Daniel M.

‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex’ Receives 2 Nominations for 2014 XBIZ Awards

Sex Educator’s ‘Anal Play for Men’ & ‘Woman to Woman’ Instructional Videos Earn Recognition for ‘Specialty Release’ Award!

NOVEMBER 26, 2012 — LOS ANGELES, CA — Two titles from acclaimed educational series jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex receive Specialty Release of the Year nominations for the 2014 XBIZ Awards. Sexual wellness authority jessica drake wrote, directed, and hosted jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men and jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Woman to Woman, which are recognized by XBIZ for promoting healthy sexuality.

 

The 2014 XBIZ Awards will be held at the Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles, California on Friday, January 24.

 

“I’m so honored that XBIZ recognized my Guide to Wicked Sex series with multiple nominations again this year,” says Wicked Pictures contract performer jessica drake. “Both titles came about after getting feedback from my seminars and radio show. When doing my Anal Sex seminars, I have both women AND men approaching me to ask about prostate play and anal toys for men who are curious, and it made me appreciate that there are many couples eager to try it. Anal Play for Men is a direct response to every one of those questions, and I also hope it’s helpful in breaking down the societal taboos around the topic.”

 

jessica continues, “Woman to Woman is special to me because I WAS that girl once upon a time. I was attracted to a woman, but I had no idea how to act on my desire. I created this one as a resource for curious women of all types who want to explore a same-sex adventure, and my cast of women who love women could NOT have been better. We captured some of the most authentic chemistry on camera I’ve ever seen. I’m so happy that everyone loves it as much as I do.”

 

“Being recognized by the industry for my work in sex-positive outreach is extremely humbling,” adds jessica. “Thank you so much, XBIZ, for these nominations, and as always, I’m grateful to Wicked for the support, encouragement, and the opportunity to create this line.”

 

Wicked Pictures owner Steve Orenstein states, “I’m very happy to see jessica’s educational titles continue to garner nominations and win awards. As a sex-positive and couples-centric product, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex is a very important line for Wicked, and the orders and reorders for her titles are a testament to its popularity and accessibility to the public. We’re thrilled to support jessica’s efforts to continue to educate couples on how to have safe, exciting sex through this line, and are extremely proud of her nominations under our brand.”

 

The series’ popular volume jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal earned the 2012 XBIZ Award for Specialty Release of the Year.

 

Each volume of jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex showcases a different aspect of human sexuality as jessica touches on subjects ranging from Fellatio and Anal to Basic Positions and Female Masturbation. She explores each one with the same distinct blend of knowledge, experience and good humor that has led Gawker Media’s Fleshbot to laud her for bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” new voice to the sexual self-help genre.

 

The 2013 XBIZ Awards will take place Friday, January 24, 2014 at the Century Plaza in Los Angeles. For more information about the 2014 XBIZ Awards, visit http://xbizawards.xbiz.com.

Birth Control and Sexual Desire

A few years ago, as women all over the world celebrated the 50th anniversary of the birth control pill, there was also some sadness over news: an article, published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, wrote BCPs (birth control pills) were to blame for reduced sexual drive.

 

Seems like a catch-22, right? You take BCPs so you don’t get pregnant when you do have sex… but it lowers your sex drive, so you don’t even want to bother having sex. It’s like an anti-aphrodisiac, but it’s still an important part of women’s sexual awareness and power.

 

The best way to combat this? Education! By knowing why it may lower your libido and figuring out some ways around it, you can have your BCP cake and eat it too.

 

So how do most birth control pills work? As mentioned in The Daily Beast, “The pill works by raising levels of the sex hormone-binding globulin protein, which binds to testosterone, making it unavailable to the rest of the body. Reduced testosterone in women can cut down on masculine features, such as hair growth, acne (a common reason teenage girls get on the pill), and sex drive.” So basically, testosterone is what makes you horny (I guess that explains many guys!); if you block it, you’re also blocking your own horniness. The pill changes your hormones – and often, it means it may change your desire for sex, too, from sexual interest, arousal, enjoyment, and even thinking about it in the first place.

 

But women all over the world take BCPs for reasons other than contraception: the little pills can prevent and lower severe cramps, anemia, PMS / PMDD, and regulating periods. In addition, they can provide protection against ovarian cysts, osteoporosis, migraines, acne, and possibly even breast and ovarian cancer.

 

Just remember, though – birth control pills only prevent…pregnancy! They do not ever protect you against STIs and HIV. Stay safe against everything in order to have the most fun, safest sex you can, by always using safe sex guidelines. Get tested regularly, be informed about your partner’s sex history and habits, and use protection! Condoms are the only items that provide maximum protection against pregnancy, STIs, and HIV. Stay informed, and stay safe, so you can have lots of awesome sexy fun!

 

If contraception is the main reason you’re taking birth control pills, there are also lots of alternate options. Male condoms and female condoms are great for spontaneous sex. Contraceptive sponges, like the Today Sponge, contraceptive films, diaphragms, and cervical caps, require planning ahead before you can have sex, but are also effective. If you’re looking for something a bit more permanent, you can consider IUDs and sterilization / getting your tubes tied – but remember, they affect your hormones as well.

 

There are also a whole bunch of different kinds of birth control pills on the market – and though they all work as contraceptives, they affect your hormones differently. Talk to your ob/gyn and see if maybe trying another pill may change how your sex drive reacts.

 

But what if you like all the other aspects of the pill you’re on, except the sex drive? There are options for that, too, if you are open to being a bit creative:

 

  • Watch porn / read erotica / listen to sexy music – Sometimes you need a little extra stimulation just to jumpstart those synapses.
  • Plan for sex – Not all sex is spontaneous, especially if you have other stressful things going on. Planning a sexy evening, a midday romp, and even some masturbation time, can get your body thinking about sex more regularly. Also: regular sex can actually increase your desire the rest of the time!
  • Lubrication – I mentioned this in “Lubing Up for Better Sex” – decreased desire and hormonal changes mean less natural lubrication, so helping that along can also trigger sexy thoughts as well. You can use non-hormonal lubes, like Wicked Sensual Care lubes; you may also chat with your ob/gyn about possibly getting a prescription for an estrogen cream, which you can apply directly to your clitoris as prescribed to estrogenize vaginal and clitoral tissue.

 

Sexual drive is an interesting thing – the more you have sex, the more you want it, partly because your brain remembers and reminds you how awesome it is. Use your body’s largest sexual organ – all sexual arousal starts in the brain! You may start slow, but by making and taking the time to remind your body how good it feels, and using a few helpers, will get you there. Experiment with the variety of options out there in terms of contraception, and you should be able to continue to enjoy your amazing sexual self and keep yourself protected at the same time.

 

xo,

jd

jessica weighs in on STIs in the Adult Industry

The below blog post about the recent adult industry moratorium (stoppage of work), as a result of a case of HIV, comes from my individual blog. To read the original post, visit http://insidejd.blogspot.com/2013/08/it-starts-with-me.html.

 

it starts with me.
for WEEKS i have agonized writing this blog.when the Hep C situation recently reared it’s ugly head, i started to write. i’d pour my thoughts and feelings out, then go back and edit. delete and rewrite. rewrite yet again. i tried to get more facts, and then i kept writing. while it was still just a saved draft, before i had even worked up the discipline to finish it and hit “publish post”, i learned about the current HIV situation, and in an instant, i was hit with the same exact feeling i had back in 2004 when i found myself just FOUR days away from being on a first-generation quarantine list. i don’t think you ever forget that tingling shock, that sinking in the pit of your stomach when you think that life as you know it has ended.

right now we are supposedly in the middle of a moratorium. safeguards are in place to notify and (hopefully) support the person/people who is/are affected by this horrible tragedy, but let me remind you…this moratorium does nothing unless we are taking into account the HUMAN factor in all of this and realize that NO ONE knows what ANYONE really does in their off-camera time.

look at us, as an industry.

we are SHAMING a girl whose life is changed forever. it could have been me. you. any of us.

we are unjustly pointing fingers, judging and blaming people.

we are attacking each other online and in public forums right in the sights of mainstream media.

we are going on crazy, hate-driven rants on blogs calling people names and making accusations and threats, totally destroying our credibility, and forwarding the stereotypes about the mental stability (or lack thereof) in this industry.

there have been several mentions of unionizing, and while this may be good in theory, in practical application, the likeliness of it being run fairly is nil.

personally, i think that in order to effect change, it has to begin on an individual level.

*right now, i do not feel comfortable shooting. i will not shoot until i do.

*i will, as a performer, require a test for HIV, Hep B & C, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and trichomoniasis that is newer than 14 days from my on screen partners. i will do my due diligence and check it’s validity.

*as a director, i will require my talent to have tests newer than 14 days. period.

*if i am told by an agency that this means i will pay a higher rate for a performer, i will not continue to book through that agency.

*as always, i will continue to adhere to a specific list of talent that i am willing to work with. i will continue to add or remove people at MY discretion.

you can do this too. make your own guidelines. we have to lead each other and help each other. not by hate speech and shaming and dueling unions, but by strength…and willpower…and by example. EDUCATE yourself about the risks that you take on and off camera, and make informed decisions with YOUR best interest at heart becausechances are, no one else will. we can be mentors and support one another. i’m not perfect, none of us are. i will not judge you. i’m no doctor, either, nor do i claim to be- but if there is ANYTHING i can do to help you- answer a question, talk with you, listen to you, support you in any way, reach out to me. if you do not have my number, DM me. and if you don’t need support, then lend some to someone else.

FUCKING STAND UP for yourselves. in closing, i will quote an article i wrote about the SYPHILIS incident last year:

“Performers- RESPECT YOURSELF. you only have one body, one life, one chance at this. you are worth more than whatever you are being paid for the scene.”

Fetish Conventions – Where You Can Learn a Thing or Two!

***In order to cover a wide spectrum of topics on GuideToWickedSex.com, I love to involve guest bloggers.  As the subject of fetishes came up, I thought of my friend Kelly Shibari as a great source of information – below is Kelly’s second GTWS post on fetishes. xo, jd.

This weekend, I’m in Tampa, Florida, to experience my first-ever FetishCon. It’s one of the largest fetish and kink conventions in the country, and I’ve always wanted to attend. I’m so happy I was able to fly down this year!

For people who are interested in introducing fetishes into the bedroom, fetish conventions are a great way to learn, explore, and be inspired. Usually held during the day, in a brightly lit hotel convention center, fetish conventions will mitigate any fears you may have from watching too many horror movies. Yes, there are dungeon setups, and people being whipped, pierced, tied up, screaming, and more – but there are also vendors that sell kinky clothes, sexy shoes, videos, books, and more.

There are also usually seminars, ranging from “Introduction to the BDSM and Fetish Lifestyle” and “Beginning Edge Play: Sharp and Pointies,” but also some very tame seminars that can be super helpful to couples who are looking for things less painful, such as “Taking Better Intimate Photos at Home,” “Erotic Tickle Torture,” and “What Is A Fetish?” In addition, there are usually some really good seminars on communication and theory, which is great regardless of whether or not you’re into kinky stuff or not. This year, the classes offered for communication include “Pain is for Pleasure, Not for Injury,” “Learning to Separate Reasonable Risk from Fantasy Foolishness,” and “Effective Communication.” See? Attending a fetish convention isn’t all about being tied up and beaten until you’re black and blue (which I know some of you were thinking!).

The after-parties can be pretty fun too – and much like the convention, you can either just watch, or actually participate. Kinky Karaoke? Check. A medical fetish themed live show? Cool! Burlesque and rope bondage feature performances? Amazing!

But the best part about attending a fetish convention? The conversations. You can go to any booth, ask as many questions as you’d like, and see a myriad of performances of varying fetishes, all in person. Some booths will even let you try things – a rope bondage expert can not only tie you up (over your clothes), but also walk both you and your partner through the various kinds of rope, basic information about safety, and advice on how to get started at home. A toy company can walk you through the difference between floggers and whips, different kinds of leather, and more, but also demonstrate how to use the items properly, so you’re not just going to a website and randomly selecting items, hoping that you chose something that both of you would enjoy. Any purchases you make will be a combination of one person learning how to use it properly and safely, and the partner knowing it’s a sensation they enjoy heightening his or her pleasure.

Yes, you’re right – not everything you see will be to your liking. You might even find some fetishes that scare you, horrify you, and downright make you think, WTF? But you might, and very likely, find something that will be new, fun, and get you excited to try back at home. When you know you’ve found a fetish you both enjoy, then it’s something that can be incorporated into the bedroom easily. So go out there and start exploring!

–Kelly Shibari


About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to performing in front of the camera as the sexually-charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Her multi-award-winning site, PaddedKINK, is the premier destination for plus-size fetish performers, and she has the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized Fleshlight Girl in existence. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. It was recently also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Shibari was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year award at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys.” For more information, visit www.KellyShibariXXX.com, www.Twitter.com/KellyShibari, and www.Facebook.com/KellyShibari.

My TOP TEN Sex Toys

Being in the industry I am, people are always asking me about different adult products, especially during my workshops or adult DVD store signings. Following my meet and greets, I’ve played personal shopper for couples or women looking to spice up their love lives. More and more, stores now have a boutique environment where people can browse at their own speed, talk to some really knowledgeable salespeople, and even feel the texture or strength of vibrations of a toy, or even try out lube… on their hands, that is. 😉

Even though my favorites have changed and evolved over the years as technology has advanced, there are some products that really do stand out, and I’d like to share them with you. In no particular order, here are my current TOP TEN favorite sex toys:

 

1) The Pocket Rocket – Quite well known, this mini vibe is small, but really does the trick. It is quiet and discreet, perfect for clitoral stimulation alone or during penetration. This is often the first toy that women introduce into partner play.

 

2) Sqweel – Please believe me when I say that this toy comes VERY close to the feel of actual cunnilingus. All you need to do is add batteries and your favorite lube, choose your speed, lay back, and enjoy again and again. If someone would have simply told me about this, I wouldn’t be so sure. This palm-sized black case with pink tongues in a circle doesn’t look the way it feels at all, but then again, who REALLY knows what heaven looks like?

 

3) The Bodywand – A handheld massager with different sized models comes in rechargeable or plug in, and it delivers the goods! Its rounded head is flexible enough to fit where you need it the most. If you’re craving more, they also come with attachments sold separately, from a rabbit head to a G Spot stimulator.

 

4) Evi – After watching a workshop with the amazing Ducky Dolittle, I became a fan of this Kegel exerciser. Though it does not vibrate, it does do some pretty interesting things as it’s inside you, rubbing on your G Spot and training those mighty Kegels.  You can also use it on your clit. It’s quite cool looking, and yes, it comes with instructions.

 

5) Moka G-Vibe – As I was preparing for my “Guide to Wicked Sex G Spot and Female Ejaculation” Instructional, I realized that while I had occasional G-Spot orgasms with a partner, I had never had one on my own.  I needed way more practice if I was going to be of any real help. Enter the Moka G Vibe. Mine is purple, and the slightly flat, yet still curved vibe is the right size and shape to stimulate that much sought after place. I recommend trying different angles and thrusting, or maybe even try dragging it across your G. I was glad I had put towels down!

 

6) Isla (from Lelo) – A luxury vibe that impresses from the first glance. It’s black and gold, sleek and rounded softly to fit your curves. The easy to grip handle is perfect for my often-slippery fingers. With 6 modes and a long lasting charge, you can use it again and again. The packaging is gorgeous too!

 

7) Love Handle G Spot Vibrator from Evolved – There are many reasons why I love this toy – it’s the perfect size, it fits my curves, and there are 7 different functions. It’s not overwhelmingly big, and its handle is at just the right angle so you can easily reach your G Spot (or someone else’s). It is also waterproof, which will come in handy, what with all that squirting you might be doing.

 

8) Pure Plug 2.0 by njoy – I love anal sex, but(t) sometimes anal toys are tough to choose between because we all have different preferences. If you are into or even interested in trying a metal buttplug, this one is sublime. I love the feel of cold metal drenched in a silicon lube. This toy is just the right size and has a convenient handle for solo anal play OR for sharing. The weight of the metal is another attraction as well, so experiment with different positions when it’s inside you and let gravity do its job.

 

9) Alise from NS Novelties – This super smooth & QUIET vibe is very flexible. In fact, that was the first thing I thought when I opened the package. It’s made from silicone and is rechargeable. There are simply 2 buttons on it. One is the on/off switch, and the other controls the functions. I got so carried away I lost count of every different thing it did to me, but it’s flexibility (and mine) certainly played a great part. It can be used for internal or external stimulation, and for me, both are equally amazing with this toy.

 

10) ANY dong by Tantus – I know that this is a bit vague, but if you’re looking for something remarkable to fit into your harness for strap on play, whether anal or vag, Tantus has something for you. I am such a fan, not only do I use them at work, I have also used them at home. No matter the color, shape or size you need, they have something that will fit your… ummm… NEEDS.

 

xo,
jd