Underneath It All: A Men’s Guide to Buying Lingerie

“You’re really lovely

Underneath it all

You want to love me

Underneath it all”

– No Doubt

 

One of the most rewarding things about creating Guide to Wicked Sex has been serving in Wicked’s overall outreach to couples beyond the traditional retail home video marketplace. We’ve joined the Wicked Sensual Care Collection of luxurious lubricants and enhancers & our romance-driven Wicked Passions DVDs in representing the brand in many places that don’t carry traditional adult DVDs.

 

Sensual lingerie represents another retail environment that’s proven receptive to adult branding. Not surprisingly, I’ve seen an increase in the number of men looking for tips on what to look for when trying to gift their lover with something simultaneously sexy, stylish and comfortable.

 

A healthy theme I’ve seen in these conversations is a desire to flatter and empower their partners while indulging the senses.  As in most areas in life, form serves function here, and any serious search should start with the big questions: Will it be flattering? Will it fit comfortably? And, most importantly, will she FEEL sexy wearing it?

 

At this point, you’ve made notes of her sizes and measurements, and you’ve kept an eye out for preferred fabrics like silk or satin for panties, etc. (I’ll point out here that if circumstances prevent you from being able to get this information, chemises, robes and other nightwear tend to use traditional S, M, L, and  XL sizing, and probably represent your best bets.)

 

Of course, while you were looking in your partner’s underwear drawer for bra and underwear sizes, you also made a note of what they didn’t have; see, if there’s a “master key” to lingerie guidance, this is it: If you step outside her comfort zone, the message sent says more about you than her. You can stay in the zone yet still bring a fresh look to the table by exploring different color schemes or a variation on a style you know she loves.

 

Speaking of colors, feel free to explore a variety of hues; men tend to gravitate toward black, but earn yourself the psychic currency that comes with showing her you pay attention to what she wears throughout her week, and choose accordingly. Similarly, indulge her tastes with some sexy accessories! I have a passion for gloves, and from fishnet arm warmers to lace opera gloves, they provide indispensable and inexpensive ways to make good ensembles great!

 

With both lingerie and accessories, today’s diverse and forward-thinking marketplace offers numerous PETA-approved, “cruelty free” options. With gloves, for example, a pair of beautiful elbow-length pleather opera gloves can be purchased for under $20.00. And in the post-GMO culture in which we live, it’s probably wise to go with the most “organic” fabric choices for lingerie. Silk never goes out of style and, like cotton, it “breathes” and is gentle to the touch.

 

And that’s ultimately what it’s about, isn’t it – gentleness. Stay within our lover’s literal comfort zones by following the master key and easy tips above, and you’ll be “underneath it all” in no time!

 

–Daniel M.

Speaking to Prof. Constance Penley’s UCSB Students

Monday I had the honor of speaking at the University of California at Santa Barbara to a class taught by Professor of Film and Media Studies, Constance Penley. Although I’ve found myself speaking at many universities lately, each experience has been completely different, and this one was exceptionally unique.

The lecture took place in the Pollack Theater, a truly gorgeous venue, boasting the biggest screen I’ve even seen anything I’ve directed on. And speaking of the screen, before I was escorted onto the stage, the first few minutes of my latest starring role, $EX  was shown. As I took my seat onstage and began to introduce myself and talk a bit abut my background and history, I was excited to see everyone paying very close attention – some even taking notes that will come into play later during my time with them.

I did go through the usual introductory information, and after that, I focused on explaining how my series came about. I was describing my formula for writing, casting, and shooting, then we screened Guide to Wicked Sex – Anal Play for Men. As the lights dimmed, I turned sideways to be able to see the screen, but I made sure I was still able to see the student’s reactions as well. On screen they saw my narration, then the amazing interviews my performers gave me, and after that, they saw some demonstrations. Suddenly, in the near dark, on the HUGE theater screen we were treated to all kinds of male anal play – blow jobs with anal exploration, rimming, handjobs, and more. Even as a seasoned professional, I was totally enthralled. I’ve never seen anything I’ve directed on a screen that big, and I’ve never shared it with such a large live audience. Due to time constraints, we stopped short of anal play with toys and strap ons, and when the lights came on, everyone looked as captivated as I felt. Every time I’ve watched porn in a large group, my experience has varied, but I’d never found the sheer curiosity and attention level as I found in Professor Penley’s class.

We concluded our time together with one of the best Q and A sessions ever. This is where the notes they were taking earlier came into play. The questions were insightful, intuitive, and really original. After the questions, I went into the lobby of the theater for awhile to meet the students personally and gift them with copies of the series and also my newest feature movie, $EX. I also answered questions privately, on a one on one basis, and then it was time to leave.

As I drove home and replayed the afternoon in my head, I thought once again about how truly grateful I am – for opportunities like this, for people like Constance, and especially for my awesome performers and crew who work so hard for me and always give me their very best. Hopefully a few of them are reading this right now – and to them and all of you – I say thanks.

xo,

jd

An Introduction to Sex Toys

There are thousands of sex toys for sale, some as small as a quarter, and some as big as a person.  If you attempt to purchase a sex toy without some basic knowledge, you may find yourself quickly overwhelmed.  With all the different types, I could write a book on sex toys – and maybe some day I will – but for now, this blog serves to give you an overview of the general categories of sex toys and help you find what works for you.

 

Vibrators – Vibrators are probably what most people think of when they hear “sex toy”.  While the common image is of a slender phallic shape, vibrators are any toys designed to stimulate the body, which is battery operated or electrical.  Sub categories of vibrators include Penetrative, Wands, Bullet, Anal, G-Spot, Rabbits, and even Alarm Clock.

  • Penetrative vibrators are usually phallic shaped and meant for internal stimulation.
  • Wands, like the Hitachi and Body Wand, are larger and meant for external stimulation.
  • Bullets are the smallest vibrators and can be used directly, especially for clitoral stimulation, or inserted into another toy.
  • Anal vibrators can be designed for women or men, and are inserted into the rectum.
  • A curve in G-spot vibrators allows it to better stimulate the female G-spot, while the male equivalent may have the same shape to stimulate the male prostate.
  • Rabbits combine penetrative vibrators with an external stimulator like a bullet.  The external portion of the original Rabbits were shaped like the animal with its ears producing the clitoral stimulation.
  • Proving people will think of anything, Alarm Clock vibrators wake users up in the most enjoyable way.

 

Penetrative Toys – Demonstrating the overlap in a lot of these categories, penetrative toys may include several types of vibrators.  The most common types of penetrative toys are dildos.  There is a lot of confusion between dildos and vibrators – some vibrators can be used as dildos, but dildos are not vibrators because dildos don’t have motors and are only used for penetration.  Additional penetrative toys include double penetration dildos, strap-ons, kegel exercisers, horseshoes, Ben Wa balls, and fuck/sex machines.

  • Usually meant to resemble a penis, dildos don’t vibrate and are made of a silicone rubber for vaginal or anal penetration.
  • Double penetration dildos are fun on both ends and can be used on multiple holes of one person or can be shared.
  • Stap-ons are dildos or butt plugs (see Anal Toys) housed in a harness worn around the hips and pelvis for more realistic intercourse.
  • Kegel exercisers tone and delight all at the same time, building stronger pelvic muscles.
  • Horseshoe toys clearly derive its name from its horseshoe shape.  It is designed to enter the vagina and anus at the same time.
  • Ben Wa balls are hollow metal balls inserted into the vagina for extended periods of time.  Their motion leads to enhanced orgasms.
  • Fuck/sex machines became extra famous after the Northwestern University classroom demonstrations, which made national news.  These toys are generally motor-driven dildos, like a dildo mounted to the bit of a drill or end of a reciprocating saw.

 

Nipple Toys – Men and women have varying degrees of sensitivity in their nipples – some enjoy nipple stimulation, while for others it can be too intense or even painful.  For those who enjoy erotic nipple play, there are nipple clamps and suction devices.  Clamps cause arousal by providing different degrees of pressure.  Suction devices cause nipples to swell and become more sensitive.

 

Anal Toys – In addition to penetrative toys, which can be used for anal insertion, there are also several types of toys specific to anal play, including anal beads, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, all of which should be accompanied with lubrication.

  • Available in various sizes, anal beads are a strand of beads inserted and slowly removed from the anus in order to trigger strong pleasure.
  • Prostate Massagers, like popular brand Aneros, stimulate a man’s prostate, providing pleasure and health benefits.
  • Butt plugs come in a range of sizes, from very small to very large, and everything in between.  They can be used to ease into anal penetration.  Make sure you use butt plugs with a wide base to prevent it from getting stuck.

 

Male Masturbators / Penile Toys – Sometimes a hand just won’t do, and on those occasions, there is a huge variety of male masturbatory toys to choose from, as well as penile toys increasing the pleasure for both parties during sex.  Assisting in his pleasure are Synthetic Vaginas, Cock Rings, Penis Sleeve, Penis Extension, and Cock Harness.

  • Synthetic Vaginas are often referred to as pocket pussies, which are anatomically correct molds of a vagina (often from popular adult performers) and used for masturbation.  A popular variation is the Fleshlight, which I am proud to endorse.  In addition to synthetic vaginas, there are also molds of mouths and anuses for simulated intercourse as well.
  • Cock rings wrap around the shaft of the penis to help prolong an erection.  Some rings come with clitoral stimulator, which may or may not vibrate.  A triple crown is a cock ring with two additional rings for the testicles.
  • Penis sleeves are an adornment a guy can slip on to provide extra stimulation to his partner during intercourse.  Often sporting external bumps and ridges for stimulation, penis sleeves look a bit like penis armor.  A docking sleeve is similar, but open on both ends for two men to use at once – mutual masturbation.
  • Penis extensions increase the length of a man’s penis for the benefit of his partner.  It’s like a short, hollowed-out dildo.
  • Often associated with BDSM play, cock harnesses fit around the penis and scrotum and help maintain erections.

 

Dolls – Sex dolls are masturbation devices, which go beyond mere physical needs.  The anatomically correct life-size doll helps stimulate on an emotional level as well by appealing to user’s fantasies.  One of the most popular brands is RealDoll, which includes a line of several of the Wicked girls.

 

A Cautionary Note About Sex Toys:

Before we knew how harmful it was, many sex toys were made out of Jelly Latex, a substance containing polyvinyl chloride (PVC), which is toxic to your body.  Phthalates are another harmful type of chemicals used in the production of many toys.  When purchasing sex toys, it’s extremely important to make sure they are PVC-free and Phthalate-free.  Safe materials to purchase include silicone, glass, stainless steel, and Pyrex, and even though they cost a bit more money, they are worth it in the long run.

 

What provides one person with pleasure may not for another, but breathe easy because every day, new, creative ideas are being imagined and produced.  If you have yet to find the right toy(s), chances are it will be here soon… or maybe you can create it yourself.  In a future blog, I will share my 10 favorite sex toys and why I chose them.

 

xo,
jd

Slut Shaming: My Story

In June 2011, I took part in the first Slut Walk after hearing of it through certain friends in the sex positive community. Earlier that year in February, female university students in Toronto were warned by a police officer not to ” dress like sluts,” so they wouldn’t be sexually assaulted on campus. In response, I met up with a fairly large group of women – and some men – in West Hollywood, California, and walked proudly among them along Santa Monica Blvd. dressed in high heels, tight black leggings, and a tiny shirt, all in protest of the misuse of the word slut.

You’ll notice I say misuse, not use.

I don’t think the issue is using words like slut or whore. It’s the shame we attach to them. It’s the ever-present double standard – if a male sleeps with a number of women, it’s an accomplishment, but if a woman does it, it’s shameful. She’s easy—a slut. Unfortunately, it’s not limited to the male perspective – women are guilty of it as well.

While in high school, I had my first experience with love. J was my first boyfriend. Tall, athletic, tan, and blonde. In an instant, hormones raged between us, and I lost all sense of control. We wanted to be together everywhere, all the time. Attending separate schools and parental intervention made this tough, so we both snuck out at every opportunity. We kissed, we made out, pet heavily, and dry humped until we were raw. We clumsily fumbled through awkward phone sex. We “borrowed” cars; we skipped school. We were uncontrollable. Eventually, between his begging and pleading, and hormones setting my pants on fire, one night after a dance, we had ferocious sex up against a wall behind my school.

My sex education growing up was really limited. I never recall my father acknowledging sex at all, and my mother explained the words PENIS and VAGINA in a way that was clinical at best. That being said, I was always very curious and cautious, even at 14 and 15. I read about sex in bookstores and encyclopedias. I knew about safe sex, so when I lost the battle of willpower versus raging hormones up against the red brick wall, it was with a condom. I wasn’t so smart about concealing the evidence, however, and not long after, my mother discovered poorly hidden shorts and panties stained with blood, which could only have attested to one thing. I was thrown into the car, and driven immediately to her doctor, where, in between her screaming at me and interrogating me, I was tested for every sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy, and even HIV. I was humiliated. She said I was stupid, called me a slut, and though I didn’t know the meaning it of it or the implications it would have on me, I was shamed.

Please don’t take that to mean I stopped having sex. I didn’t.  I became sneakier about it, and at the same time, I grew a deep resentment for my mother. Though I did view sex as slightly shameful for a short time afterward, I decided its risk was well worth the reward. Becoming an adult, I quickly grew to learn there was no shame in sex or my body or the pleasure derived from it. I was very headstrong and determined as a child (not that this surprises anyone who knows me today), and I made it my business to understand sex more… and now it’s my business to make sure other people are able to understand sex a little better and to know there’s no shame in it. No shame in our bodies, what they do, how they feel, what we like to do or have done to them.

The only way we can alter the course of slut or sex shaming is to STOP doing it.

This means mothers and daughters, strangers, friends, enemies, frenemies, and everyone in between needs to step back and remember a time they have felt it in their lives, and then actively choose not to repeat it.

–jd

Becoming a Sex Blogger

CHECK YOUR PREMISES:

Become Who You Are Before You Become a Sex Blogger

[For those of you who’ve been following me here and on other sites over the years, it’s no secret that not only do I enjoy sex blogging, I’m very devoted to encouraging others to share their sexual experiences and beliefs as well. So for the first post on this important topic here on Guide to Wicked Sex, I’ve invited industry publicist Daniel M to share his thoughts on “checking your premises” before starting a sex blog of your own. Enjoy! – jd]

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”

These high-falutin’ words are culled from the climax of Ayn Rand’s dystopian epic Atlas Shrugged. Railroad baroness Dagny Taggart has challenged billionaire swinger Francisco d’Anconia by wondering aloud how a visionary as talented as he could fritter his days away in a haze of booze and passionless sex. By throwing the question back in her lap, so to speak, d’Anconia himself seems to agree; he simply “is who he is,” ala Popeye. As Rand herself put it herself in a later essay, “He urges her to look beyond her assumptions in the search for an answer that could make sense.”

So what’s this Mad Men-era mumbo-jumbo have to do with writing about human sexuality, you’re likely asking. Quite a bit, it turns out – and I’m not just saying that because Rand is a major influence on my own philosophy and sexuality (so much so that in the spirit of full disclosure I’ll fess up to working on last year’s film production of Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike for two days as an unpaid extra). No, what Francisco is getting at here is “A is A”,” a weighty term straight from the work of Aristotle.

Known as Aristotle’s Law of Identity and beautifully simple, it holds that everything and everyone that exists has a single identity. So, if you aspire to blog about something as rich and varied as sex, the most important issue you should get out of the way first is…you.

What is the source or “origin story” of your sexual being? How was the topic of sex treated in your home growing up? Are your memories conservative, liberal, happy, sad, full of light, darkness, or – as they are for most of us – somewhere in between?  Many psychologists assert our personalities are essentially “formed” by age eight, so obviously childhood conceptions of relationships and love can – and do – cast a long shadow over our sexual nature.

And just what is it you’re hoping to accomplish with your blog, anyway? The advent of Social Media, Web 2.0, smartphones and countless other technological innovations leave us craving instant gratification like never before, but sex is rarely a matter of black and white. Do you wish pass on the knowledge of others, share your own personal experiences, discoveries, tips and tricks, or simply share insights on your own personal sexual journey into greater pleasure, greater understanding, and greater acceptance? As another intellectual giant once said, “To thine own self be true.”

A = A.

Through our sexuality, we work with our partners to perceive reality in its most physical, objective sense, to bring mutual fantasies into reality, rather than leaving them to wither and die in some unlived alternate reality. But as those who come from intensely conservative and / or religious backgrounds can attest, coercion and manipulation, if exerted strongly enough and over time, can create an also hypnotic matrix of denial, creating an alternate reality that cannot abide healthy sexuality.

“All the World’s a stage / We are merely players / performers and portrayers” Neil Peart once wrote by way of Shakespeare. And once you’ve come to terms with the sexual journalist you were always meant to be, you’ll know your role. Philosophers and ploughmen – each must know their part. Are you an educator, confessor, libertine, or sociologist?

Once you know the answer to that question, grab a catchy-sounding URL summarizing how A = A in your own sexual reality and be sure to tag every post with every applicable keyword imaginable, because you’ll be on your way in no time.

“A person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life.” – Ayn Rand

 

–Daniel M.

Popping Condom Myths

In a previous post on condoms, I discussed the ins and outs of condoms, from using them in my own personal and professional life, to finding the right condom for you or your lover.  Now I want to tackle some of the misconceptions about contraception and pop the myths surrounding condoms.  While you may think some of the following is common sense, there are still many people who never received proper condom education.

  1. Two Are Better Than One – While this statement can be true for many things in life (sometimes even in the bedroom), it is far from true when wearing condoms. Doubling up, or double bagging as some call it, is dangerous, as it creates friction between the two condoms leading to tears.
  1. Condoms Should be Bought by Men – It takes two to tango.  Since sex must always be a consensual act by both parties involved, the responsibility of protection also falls on each individual.  Several studies report more than 35% of condom purchasers are women who understand being prepared is never a bad thing.  For ladies worried about having a bunch of condoms fall out of their purse like Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex & the City,” a chic company named Just In Case specializes in discreet condom carriers.
  1. All Condoms Desensitize – Condoms affect everyone differently.  If you’re having trouble enjoying the moment with a condom on, then you’re using the wrong type/brand.  Try something thinner, or made from a different material.  There are even condoms textured to provide more pleasure to the man wearing it.
  1. Flavored Condoms May be Used Any Time – Condoms seem to come in any flavor imaginable now, even scotch whiskey flavored.  While the flavors may spice up oral sex with a condom, they should not be used during vaginal sex.  Many flavored condoms are sugar coated, which increases the changes of a woman getting a yeast infection.
  1. Some Men Are too Big – No one is too big to wear a condom!  Condoms can hold a gallon of water and are large enough to fit over a basketball.  There are different sizes of condoms, and some men may require an extra large size, but even the men in the adult entertainment industry are able to find condoms that fit.
  1. Pores in Condoms Allow HIV to Pass Through – Latex condoms will not let anything pass through as long as it has not been damaged in any way.  Some natural fiber condoms may not provide effective protection against viruses like HIV, but all latex condoms sold in the United States are rigorously tested to meet strict quality standards.
  1. Wearing a Condom Makes You Invincible – Condoms are over 97% effective protecting against unwanted pregnancy and STDs, but there’s always still a chance something could happen.  In addition to using a condom, use your brain.  If you’re worried about pregnancy, also consider employing additional forms of birth control like the Pill.  To better protect against STDs, make sure you and your partner are both tested before engaging in a sexual relationship.  If you have an open relationship, then make sure you are frequently tested.

As with anything in life, information is key.  If you have questions or concerns about condoms, look it up online.  There is a wealth of knowledge available on the Internet, as long as you stick to trusted sites.

I’ll leave you with this amazing French commercial for condoms, which shows you a great reason to always wrap up: http://youtu.be/x68tEwKlifQ. Enjoy!


xo,

jd

Life in the Shadow of Performance Anxiety: Part II

Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction with Good Health

 

 

In Part 1 of this series, I discussed some of the physical and medical basics that contribute to erectile dysfunction (ED), a serious condition that prevents millions of Americans from achieving and maintaining the type of erection required for satisfying sex. It’s a serious issue that affects some eighteen million men in this country, yet there’s precious little discussion of it in the mainstream media.

Having explored some general options available to those contending with ED in Part 1, I thought it would be interesting to invite journalist / publicist Daniel M to write a guest column for Part 2 that focuses on popular dietary and lifestyle options that will not only help you look and feel great, but they may even lead to additional stamina and vitality in the bedroom!

XO,

jessica

 

 

Evolution of a Revolution: Go Paleo with Your Partner!

 

 

For my first article on the site, I’d like to share some lifestyle choices that couples credit with bringing new levels of healthy energy and sexy excitement to their relationships. In some cases, men are even finding this easy-to-follow regimen gives them a renewed confidence in bed, allowing them to conquer insecurities and other psychological predilections that may have affected their ability to maintain a satisfactory erection.

Let’s start with the basics. We are living in uncertain times. A “Fiscal Cliff” is looming ever nearer, unstable governments are trying to print their way out of money problems, and we’re all working more, eating more, and exercising less. Yet we’re expected to look like models and be sexually insatiable. The solution, the “way out” of this 21st Century conundrum, for some, is to adopt a “paleo” perspective.

In the most literal sense, the paleolithic lifestyle (also known as the paleo diet or paleo perspective) is a template for living as humans beings are believed to have lived during the Paleolithic era. Proponents of this revolutionary lifestyle concept assert that human physiology, and thus the body and mind as a whole, evolved over a period of millions of years.

In contrast, the sweeping changes in food preparation, livestock treatment and grain storage brought about by the Industrial Revolution began only 200 hundred years ago. Genetically modified seeds, artificial preservatives and other synthesized foodstuffs are obviously of even more recent origin. These foods have “advanced” faster than our bodies have evolved, paleo enthusiasts argue, due to the changes brought about by unregulated industrialization and rapid leaps genetic science, leading to a societal disconnect between our bodies and minds.

On a purely dietary level, the paleo template for living encourages the consumption of fish, lean meat, vegetables, and nuts. All processed foods are to be avoided, especially preservative-laden junk food, potato-based products, gluten, dairy and wheat.

While the health benefits in adopting the paleo diet are plentiful, some proponents argue that the real rewards run much deeper. It’s about equilibrium, they maintain, and outlook. And to bring this all back to the subject of this series, some even cite a qualitative or quantitative difference in their sex drive!

While some pundits have scoffed at these claims, current research suggests such assertions may be valid. Increasing numbers of forward-thinking dieticians recommend the paleo diet specifically to patients contending with ED and / or complaining of a diminished sex drive. The paleo diet, properly implemented and followed, leads to an increase in saturated fat (necessary to synthesize testosterone), better blood flow, improved circulation (from fish oil) and increased levels of zinc; all are believed to be factors in lessening impotence.

The subtle changes in body composition and testosterone yield psychological and emotional benefits as well; many credit the muscle definition they acquire through the paleo lifestyle for giving them the added stamina, confidence psychological tools and self-image needed to conquer ED.

But whether you’re contending with Erectile Dysfunction or you just want to inject raw vitality and boundless energy into your sex life, don’t be surprised if the Paleo Revolution is the right evolution for you.

 

– Daniel M.

Sex Positions for Plus Size Lovers

When I shot the second instructional in my series, I chose positions because of the number of questions I received from couples about the best ways to position their bodies to bring their partners to orgasm during sex. After Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions came out, I was besieged with questions about what positions were good for others – people with disabilities, seniors, women who are pregnant, and plus size lovers. Lovers come in so many different shapes and sizes, and many more volumes of Guide to Wicked Sex: Positions may follow accordingly. For now, I’d like to begin by suggesting a few positions that are good for our plus sized partners.

Comfort is of the utmost importance. There’s nothing worse than being close to orgasm but being in a position you can’t maintain and having a leg cramp! I suggest having sex on a comfortable surface – ideally a bed or couch – and since these places are the natural habitat of pillows, have lots of those on standby as well. Pillows make great sex enhancers for everyone, you can put them under your female lover for oral and missionary, you can use them under your stomach to prop you up, even under your knees. You can also find special sex wedges, such as The Liberator that can prop you up, and many find these are especially great for doggy.

Let’s start with missionary. With pillows underneath your hips, you are open and accessible for oral sex, and missionary style penetration as well. If you pull your knees into your chest, you are more open for deeper penetration. A great way to modify this is to lay on your back, pillows under hips, pulling your knees up towards your chest, and have your man lay on his side as he enters you, your bodies forming a cross. You can also put your legs down over him to free up your hands for some clitoral action.

Lots of people love doggy, but for some with more rear cushioning, getting the depth of penetration you need can be a challenge. Start here, but then bring your leg/knee up towards your chest, and lean to the opposite side – doggy with one hip higher than the other. Often, this is just the right angle – and it gives your partner a chance to watch the action.

Woman on top can be an ideal position for the heavier man or woman. With the man laying on his back, mount him, and as you do, shift your weight backwards. You can brace yourself with your hands on his thighs or on the bed. Can’t quite reach? Try one of those handy pillows. Experiment with grinding back and forth versus up and down thrusting. As a variation, you can ride facing away from him, on your knees or up on your feet. Try leaning forward as you do this. You ‘ll find that with changing angles of penetration comes some very different sensations.

Complicated positions are often just not worth the effort… for anyone. Our main focus here is on comfort and ease of accessibility. Add to that communication with your lover about what works and what doesn’t, and Wickedly good sex is sure to follow.

xo,
jd

The Facts About Measure B & How It Impacts Us All

When I mention “Measure B,” many people outside the adult entertainment industry don’t know what I’m referring to, however if I say “the Condoms in Porn Law,” their faces light up in recognition.  For me, this is indicative of the overall law and the general understanding of it, which is why I’m happy to participate in a session at CatalystCon East titled The Facts About Measure B, and How It Impacts Us All.

Per the website (www.CatalystCon.com), the session will cover the following:

In November 2012 the voters of Los Angeles County approved Ballot Measure B, also known as the “condoms in porn” law. However, Measure B goes much further then adult entertainment. B is a broad attack not only on pornography but also consensual commercial sex between couples of all orientations. It criminalizes private behavior in the bedroom and takes us back to the days prior to the Supreme Court’s decision in Lawrence v. Texas when consensual sodomy was still a crime. Is Measure B a slippery slope that might lead to more government intrusion in bedrooms across the country? We’ll discuss the current status of the Measure B fight as well as its implications for the future and the lessons learned from the No on B campaign.

Additional speakers in the session include Tristan Taormino and Michael Fattorosi, two brilliant people whose opinions I’m looking forward to hearing.

As I’ve previously stated, CatalystCon East is March 15-17 in Washington D.C.  It will be 3 days of inspirational conversations on sexuality.  Come and expand your mind with me and the other 70 speakers.

xo,
jd

Slut Shaming Discussion at CatalystCon East

As I previously mentioned, I will be participating in the inaugural CatalystCon East sexuality conference in Washington D.C., March 15-17.

One of the sessions I will be presenting is titled, Slut Shaming in Sex Positive Communities.  I’ll be speaking alongside 4 amazing women: Carol Queen, Femcar, Serpent Libertine, and Crysta Heart.

Here’s a description of the session from CatalystCon’s website (www.CatalystCon.com):

Does “sex positive” always mean acceptance of the sexual appetites of others or other communities we’re not involved in? Why is it acceptable for sex-positive individuals to bash or criticize the sexual proclivities of others while claiming to be supportive allies? Based on our collective experiences within the sex worker, BDSM, swinger, poly, and queer communities, our panel will lead a discussion that examines some of the ways we’ve witnessed slut-shaming from those we’ve expected it least. Additionally, we’ll discuss why initiating conversations about these incidents can be even more challenging than speaking with folks in the vanilla world. By confronting this issue, we hope to find better ways to stimulate conversations among sex-positive individuals and learn how our words and actions can have an impact on others who lack understanding of our communities.

I believe this is an extremely important issue to discuss, and I am looking forward to the conversations it helps inspire.

xo,
jd