A threesome is like the Holy Grail of sex, but much like the quest for the Grail, many people don’t know where to start. If you are part of a couple considering your first three-way experience, there are certain helpful steps you can take.
First, you have to make sure your partner is on board. As is the case with every aspect of a relationship (in and out of the bedroom), communication is key.
Often couples imagine a three-way while they’re in bed having sex, either watching an adult movie or talking dirty to one another. This is a good time to gauge your partner’s reaction. Are they even more turned on at the thought of another person in bed? Is it a reoccurring theme? If the answer is yes, a three-way may be worth pursuing, though there are still quite a few things to consider before green lighting it.
Do not agree to a threesome solely to please your partner or as a last-ditch effort to save your relationship. Additionally, if either of you is exceptionally jealous, it may be best leaving the idea of a third person in the realm of fantasies.
Partners should come up with a threesome strategy before the act begins. Be upfront about your expectations. If something doesn’t feel right during the threesome, there should be a way you can alert your partner without making the other person feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. Come up with a safe word or signal.
Also, you should discuss what you’re okay with and aren’t. Is kissing the third person acceptable? How about oral sex, penetration, anal sex, petting, cuddling, orgasms? Some things are best left between the couple as a way to reassure your commitment.
The game plan should also include what happens after sex. Decide whether the third person is allowed to spend the night and where they will sleep. While opinions may change after the experience, you should also agree on whether the three-way is a one time deal or if possible repeat performances are in the future.
You can have this conversation over time or all at once, but it is important to have it. Remember, it is an ever-changing negotiation. What you try the first time may not end up as protocol in later adventures.
Once you come up with a three-way strategy, it’s time to consider who the third person will be and how to find them. When choosing a potential third person, consider how uncomfortable you would be if the situation backfired. There is a lot of risk for disaster when inviting your best friend, co-worker, or neighbor.
If you decide to bypass asking someone you already know, there are a few places you can try to meet a third person, some a bit more up front than others. Bars and nightclubs are obvious options where inhibitions are lowered due to alcohol, however all involved should be sober enough to give sincere consent in order to avoid regret.
A swinger’s club or party offers an environment with like-minded people. Here boundaries are respected, and for some couples, simply being in this environment is such a thrill it gives the sexual jumpstart they are looking for.
Websites are always an option, though come with plenty of uncertainties. You never really know whether someone is truthfully representing themselves. Meeting them first during the day in a public place is strongly recommended.
An option rarely addressed is a legal brothel, such as the ones in Nevada. There a couple can settle in, be introduced to a variety of possible partners, talk a bit, and negotiate what will happen and how much it will cost. Brothels take the guesswork out of the equation and guarantee a sure thing.
The important thing is for both people in the couple to agree on who the third person will be, which reinforces the integral nature of communication. Once you’ve agreed to pursue a three-way, developed a strategy, and found the ideal consenting person, the Holy Grail is in sight. There are many helpful tips for the actual act, including positions, but that’s an entirely different article… or you may pick up a copy of jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Threesomes on DVD.