Elusive and Amazing: Female Ejaculation

According to some people, one of the hottest things a woman can do is to ejaculate during orgasm. But to a lot of women, the whole concept of “female ejaculation,” also called squirting, is confusing and maybe even a little freaky. Here’s some info to help clear the record once and for all about female ejaculation:

• Female ejaculation is definitely not a myth! It happens to so many more women than you could imagine, and a lot of people are incredibly turned on by it.

• The more aroused you are, the more likely you are to ejaculate – so make sure you’re all warmed up. If your partner is helping you feel aroused, communicate. Let them know what works for you and what doesn’t to get those juices flowing!

• Have your partner locate and start stimulating your G-spot. Use small, repetitive circular movements to start. Once the G-spot starts to swell in size, keep going, and start increasing pressure a little at a time. You’re probably going to feel like you might have to pee, but don’t worry – you won’t.

• Next, have your partner increase the intensity and speed in a way that’s comfortable for you. What works really great is to be as relaxed as possible, so you can concentrate on the sensations and let yourself go. Remember to breathe, and keep going until you reach the point of orgasm.

• Female ejaculation feels different for every woman. You might not feel anything at all! Similar to how a guy can feel all sorts of different things when his cock is stimulated in a variety of ways, it’s the same way with G-spot orgasms. Every orgasm is different, and every woman feels something different if and when she ejaculates! Some say it feels like a regular orgasm. Others feel a sensation similar to urination (although the fluid that comes out is definitely NOT pee!), and still others feel nothing at all except for additional wetness.

• So what actually happens to the body when female ejaculation takes place? The Skene’s gland, which is located on the upper wall of the vagina, fills up with fluid during arousal. When the G-spot is stimulated to the point of orgasm, it can cause a gush-like release of fluid. There’s no actual scientific evidence why this happens for some women and not others. Similar to how everyone’s orgasm is different, the same goes for female ejaculation. Some women squirt with distance (like guys), and some only get an increased splishy-splashy feeling. So if you don’t squirt, or if you don’t have something that looks like a geyser, there’s absolutely nothing wrong. It’s different for everyone.

• If you don’t ejaculate the first (or second, or third) time you have a G-spot orgasm, don’t worry! Sometimes a g-spot orgasm will not have a gush to go along with it, but it’ll still be incredibly intense.

• The general response from sex partners of those who ejaculate is they think it’s amazing. Making someone’s body do something involuntarily is incredibly sexy! It’s similar to seeing your guy ejaculate during an orgasm. For both men and women, who are generally very, very visual creatures, seeing pleasure in this way can be a huge turn-on.

So yes, female ejaculation is a real thing. Try a few techniques to see if you’re able to squirt, and add it to your bedroom play – and if it doesn’t happen, it’s still a whole lot of fun exploring your G-spot!

For even more information, including techniques on how to achieve your own ejaculatory orgasm, check out “Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot & Female Ejaculation.”

xo,
jd

*This article originally appeared on Fleshbot.com as part of a weeklong guest editor gig I had

New study claims there is no such thing as a vaginal or clitoral orgasm

*Originally posted on The Telegraph

A new study claims that there is no such thing as a vaginal, or clitoral orgasm. Oh, and apparently the G-spot is a myth, too.

By

The elusive G-spot does not exist, according to a new study.

So far, so typical. It seems we can’t go a few months without researchers offering a new opinion on the supposed holy grail of the female orgasm. One minute it exists, the next it doesn’t.

But, now it turns out, this isn’t the only think we might have to rethink.

According to researchers, the vaginal orgasm and clitoral orgasm don’t exist either.

GTWS_feet
Image courtesy of Getty Images

This may come as a surprise to any woman who thought she had experienced an orgasm in this way. But a report published in the journal of Clinical Anatomy explains that, actually, there’s only one type of orgasm a woman can have and that should just be known generally as the “female orgasm.”

The authors of the study explain that we have interpreted the female anatomy incorrectly. They say that the “internal/inner clitoris does not exist: the entire clitoris is an external organ.”

They explain that a “vaginal orgasm”, which some women report experiencing from penetrative sex, is “always caused by the surrounding erectile organs” – dubbed the “female penis.”

The study aims to help women understand the certainties of the female orgasm and clarifies whether the terms we use in everyday life have any scientific basis.

Turns out, many – female ejaculation, premature ejaculation and G-spot amplification – just don’t. What’s more, the phrase ‘vaginal orgasm’ was found to have been invented by Sigmund Freud.

The authors also tackle the assumption that some women are physically incapable of orgasm, calling this a myth. They explain that all women can have the ‘female orgasm’ if effectively stimulated.

Co-author Dr Vincenzo Puppo added: “Male ejaculation does not automatically mean the end of sex for women; touching and kissing can be continued almost indefinitely, and noncoital sexual acts after male ejaculation can be used to produce orgasm in women.”

So there you have it. From now on, we should only refer to the ‘female orgasm’. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot and Female Ejaculation Stills

Curious about your G-Spot? Are you a “squirter”? What is female ejaculation, and how can you just give in and surrender yourself to one of the strongest orgasmic experiences ever; with or without a partner? Explore these questions and more in jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: G Spot and Female Ejaculation. In this edition of the multi-award winning Instructional series from Wicked Picture’s very own resident sex educator, you will learn what the G-Spot is, where it’s at, and how best to use it for your pleasure…

Link: Guide to Wicked Sex: G Spot and Female Ejaculation

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Ask jessica: The Infamous G-Spot

Hi jessica, I’ve heard a lot about the infamous G-Spot, but I don’t know if I’ve ever had an orgasm from it. Help?

-Sarah, Sacramento, CA

Hi Sarah, you are not alone in feeling this way. You may even have experienced a G-Spot orgasm and not known what it was. Many women are curious about the G-Spot, but they don’t know what they are looking for. Here are some easy steps that may help.

Take some of your favorite lube and insert a finger or two inside yourself. Feel the warmth of all the different ridges and textures. Now curve your finger (or fingers) up towards your belly button to make that “come here” motion; search for a spot with a slightly different spongy feel- it will be about the size of a quarter. Experiment with different kinds of pressure on this area- stroking, tapping, rubbing. This may make you feel like you have the urge to pee, but if you keep going, you may just have an amazing G spot orgasm! The risk is worth the reward.

There are also toys made especially for G-Spot stimulation. Some of my favorites for hitting your sweet spot are:

  • Moka G-Vibe – As I was preparing for my “Guide to Wicked Sex: G-Spot and Female Ejaculation” instructional, I realized that while I had occasional G-Spot orgasms with a partner, I had never had one on my own.  I needed way more practice if I was going to be of any real help. Enter the Moka G-Vibe. Mine is purple! The slightly flat, yet still curved vibe is the right size and shape to stimulate your much sought after place. I recommend trying different angles and thrusting, or maybe even try dragging it across your G-Spot. I was glad I put towels down!
  • Love Handle G-Spot Vibrator from Evolved – There are many reasons why I love this toy – it’s the perfect size; it fits my curves; and there are 7 different functions. It’s not overwhelmingly big, and its handle is at the right angle, so you can easily reach your G-Spot (or someone else’s).

Now you’re ready for a little G-Spot self-love, or even with a partner. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the sweet G-Spot “O”! For more information check out jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex G Spot and Female Ejaculation.

xo,

jd

My TOP TEN Sex Toys

Being in the industry I am, people are always asking me about different adult products, especially during my workshops or adult DVD store signings. Following my meet and greets, I’ve played personal shopper for couples or women looking to spice up their love lives. More and more, stores now have a boutique environment where people can browse at their own speed, talk to some really knowledgeable salespeople, and even feel the texture or strength of vibrations of a toy, or even try out lube… on their hands, that is. 😉

Even though my favorites have changed and evolved over the years as technology has advanced, there are some products that really do stand out, and I’d like to share them with you. In no particular order, here are my current TOP TEN favorite sex toys:

 

1) The Pocket Rocket – Quite well known, this mini vibe is small, but really does the trick. It is quiet and discreet, perfect for clitoral stimulation alone or during penetration. This is often the first toy that women introduce into partner play.

 

2) Sqweel – Please believe me when I say that this toy comes VERY close to the feel of actual cunnilingus. All you need to do is add batteries and your favorite lube, choose your speed, lay back, and enjoy again and again. If someone would have simply told me about this, I wouldn’t be so sure. This palm-sized black case with pink tongues in a circle doesn’t look the way it feels at all, but then again, who REALLY knows what heaven looks like?

 

3) The Bodywand – A handheld massager with different sized models comes in rechargeable or plug in, and it delivers the goods! Its rounded head is flexible enough to fit where you need it the most. If you’re craving more, they also come with attachments sold separately, from a rabbit head to a G Spot stimulator.

 

4) Evi – After watching a workshop with the amazing Ducky Dolittle, I became a fan of this Kegel exerciser. Though it does not vibrate, it does do some pretty interesting things as it’s inside you, rubbing on your G Spot and training those mighty Kegels.  You can also use it on your clit. It’s quite cool looking, and yes, it comes with instructions.

 

5) Moka G-Vibe – As I was preparing for my “Guide to Wicked Sex G Spot and Female Ejaculation” Instructional, I realized that while I had occasional G-Spot orgasms with a partner, I had never had one on my own.  I needed way more practice if I was going to be of any real help. Enter the Moka G Vibe. Mine is purple, and the slightly flat, yet still curved vibe is the right size and shape to stimulate that much sought after place. I recommend trying different angles and thrusting, or maybe even try dragging it across your G. I was glad I had put towels down!

 

6) Isla (from Lelo) – A luxury vibe that impresses from the first glance. It’s black and gold, sleek and rounded softly to fit your curves. The easy to grip handle is perfect for my often-slippery fingers. With 6 modes and a long lasting charge, you can use it again and again. The packaging is gorgeous too!

 

7) Love Handle G Spot Vibrator from Evolved – There are many reasons why I love this toy – it’s the perfect size, it fits my curves, and there are 7 different functions. It’s not overwhelmingly big, and its handle is at just the right angle so you can easily reach your G Spot (or someone else’s). It is also waterproof, which will come in handy, what with all that squirting you might be doing.

 

8) Pure Plug 2.0 by njoy – I love anal sex, but(t) sometimes anal toys are tough to choose between because we all have different preferences. If you are into or even interested in trying a metal buttplug, this one is sublime. I love the feel of cold metal drenched in a silicon lube. This toy is just the right size and has a convenient handle for solo anal play OR for sharing. The weight of the metal is another attraction as well, so experiment with different positions when it’s inside you and let gravity do its job.

 

9) Alise from NS Novelties – This super smooth & QUIET vibe is very flexible. In fact, that was the first thing I thought when I opened the package. It’s made from silicone and is rechargeable. There are simply 2 buttons on it. One is the on/off switch, and the other controls the functions. I got so carried away I lost count of every different thing it did to me, but it’s flexibility (and mine) certainly played a great part. It can be used for internal or external stimulation, and for me, both are equally amazing with this toy.

 

10) ANY dong by Tantus – I know that this is a bit vague, but if you’re looking for something remarkable to fit into your harness for strap on play, whether anal or vag, Tantus has something for you. I am such a fan, not only do I use them at work, I have also used them at home. No matter the color, shape or size you need, they have something that will fit your… ummm… NEEDS.

 

xo,
jd

The Pleasure Principle: An Introduction to Tantric Massage

The mutual satisfaction transmitted through giving and receiving a massage satisfies desires ultimately rooted in the inner psyche. Many forms of erotic Tantric practices address this subject in great detail and assign it a seemingly endless series of labels. For our purposes, we’ll invoke the simple phrase “massage” as a sort of mnemonic catch-all. My goal in doing this is to liberate erotic massage from any specific cultural or spiritual tradition, and have you look instead at the principles of arousal that work universally within all of our bodies – and souls.

For some, tantric sex, at least the modern Western variation of tantra, is what first comes to mind when the subject turns to sensual massage. But as is often the case when East Meets West in the area of sex, misconceptions and misinterpretations are all too common. Tantric sex practices are incredibly diverse; from techniques designed to align the physical body with one’s desires and emotions, to exercises specifically aimed at taking one’s partner to the brink of ecstasy and beyond.

So men, whether you’re out to impress a new lady in your life, or looking to explore new regions of pleasure with your longtime companion, here are some fairly universal basics that take you both where you want to go…

Your sensual “pleasure chest” should always have these essentials: massage oils and towels, as well as select lubricants and enhancers like those contained in our Wicked Sensual Care collection. You’ll likely want to keep some baby wipes handy as well.

Once you initiate a massage with your partner, take it slow. Take your time and don’t rush into more overt sexual foreplay. Give her an actual tissue massage before becoming more intimate. Start softly, gently, and begin by applying the lotions to your hands first, rather than directly to her skin. As you use your hands, also lubricate your arms and chest, integrating as much of your torso into your massage as you can.

At this point, you’ll very likely find her extremely responsive to your kisses, nipple rubs, etc. Entering her vagina with your fingers will put a reservoir of pleasure within your grasp. We have a volume of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” devoted to the “The G-Spot” that acts as a perfect tutorial in how to pleasure a woman to blissful orgasm.

With the skills you develop through viewing the DVD, you’ll be on your way to creating rewarding massage experiences regularly. And should you become interested in “digging deeper,” metaphysically speaking, such disciplines as the Tantric Vama Marga tradition are rich in lore, tips, and tricks that will take your erotic explorations ever higher.

Some find Vama Marga too intellectually rigorous for the bedroom, yet still wish to amplify the spiritual side of their lovemaking. In these cases I encourage adventurous lovers to explore the Vajrayana Tantrism of Tibet. This particular Buddhist tradition offers a plethora of useful techniques, positions, and perspectives in which the philosophical content doesn’t get in the way of the sensuality, but is there if you want it. It also employs a more universal approach to sensual fulfillment; hacking away at excessive dogma, while preserving the sensuality inherent to the core practices.

Whether you and your lover seek to blend your sex lives with the more contemplative sides your relationship, or are simply eager to rekindle the “flame,” you’ll find sensual massage puts a higher sexual union within reach.

–Daniel M.

Keeping Up with Kegels

Whether you do them for health or pleasure, taking a few minutes a day to do Kegel exercises may be one of the most important activities a woman can do for herself.  If you are unfamiliar with the term “Kegel,” I strongly urge you to take some time and research it on medical sites like MayoClinic.com.

Basically, Kegel exercises are ways to strengthen the pelvic floor through repeated contractions of the muscles in that area.  Performing regular Kegel exercises can reduce involuntary urination, also known as incontinence (never a fun thing), and tighten the vaginal canal (especially beneficial after childbirth).  While I’m choosing to focus on Kegel exercises for women in this blog, men can also perform Kegel exercises to reduce premature ejaculation and increase erection size and potency.

Kegel exercises can be done anywhere at anytime… in fact, I’m doing them now while I write this.  Have you ever stopped urinating midstream?  Then you already know how to do a Kegel exercise.   While sitting or lying down, focus on contracting those same muscles you use to stop peeing.  The result is your pelvic muscles squeezing your urethra and anus.  If your stomach or butt is doing the tightening, then you are working out the wrong part of your body (at least for a Kegel exercise).

When you are certain you are correctly working your pelvic muscles, hold each contraction for 3-4 seconds, then release for the same amount of time.  Repeat 10 or more times per session, 3 times per day – work deep inhales and exhales into it.  Do you feel super relaxed?  That’s an added bonus!

As I mentioned in my recent blog, “An Introduction to Sex Toys,” there are a variety of devices to assist with Kegel exercises, many of which result in a rush of pleasurable sensations throughout the body and mind-blowing orgasms when done correctly.  Ben Wa balls, like Luna Beads from LELO, are one of the most popular types of device.  Upon inserting these weighted balls into your vagina, you begin to instantly engage in Kegel exercises as your pelvic muscles work to keep the balls inside.  Many women experience great pleasure from the feel of the balls moving around.  Though not as discreet as Ben Wa balls, vaginal barbells, such as Betty’s Vaginal Barbell, are phallic shaped devices weighing around one pound and inserted into the vaginal canal.  EVI, a new product from Aneros, stimulates the G-spot when inserted for Kegel exercises, while an additional handle stimulates the clitoris at the same time.

Whether done with the help of devices or on your own, Kegel exercises prove it is possible to mix work and play.  Some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had were a direct result of Kegel exercises – knowing I’m simultaneously bettering my body make it even more arousing.

xo,
jd

An Introduction to Sex Toys

There are thousands of sex toys for sale, some as small as a quarter, and some as big as a person.  If you attempt to purchase a sex toy without some basic knowledge, you may find yourself quickly overwhelmed.  With all the different types, I could write a book on sex toys – and maybe some day I will – but for now, this blog serves to give you an overview of the general categories of sex toys and help you find what works for you.

 

Vibrators – Vibrators are probably what most people think of when they hear “sex toy”.  While the common image is of a slender phallic shape, vibrators are any toys designed to stimulate the body, which is battery operated or electrical.  Sub categories of vibrators include Penetrative, Wands, Bullet, Anal, G-Spot, Rabbits, and even Alarm Clock.

  • Penetrative vibrators are usually phallic shaped and meant for internal stimulation.
  • Wands, like the Hitachi and Body Wand, are larger and meant for external stimulation.
  • Bullets are the smallest vibrators and can be used directly, especially for clitoral stimulation, or inserted into another toy.
  • Anal vibrators can be designed for women or men, and are inserted into the rectum.
  • A curve in G-spot vibrators allows it to better stimulate the female G-spot, while the male equivalent may have the same shape to stimulate the male prostate.
  • Rabbits combine penetrative vibrators with an external stimulator like a bullet.  The external portion of the original Rabbits were shaped like the animal with its ears producing the clitoral stimulation.
  • Proving people will think of anything, Alarm Clock vibrators wake users up in the most enjoyable way.

 

Penetrative Toys – Demonstrating the overlap in a lot of these categories, penetrative toys may include several types of vibrators.  The most common types of penetrative toys are dildos.  There is a lot of confusion between dildos and vibrators – some vibrators can be used as dildos, but dildos are not vibrators because dildos don’t have motors and are only used for penetration.  Additional penetrative toys include double penetration dildos, strap-ons, kegel exercisers, horseshoes, Ben Wa balls, and fuck/sex machines.

  • Usually meant to resemble a penis, dildos don’t vibrate and are made of a silicone rubber for vaginal or anal penetration.
  • Double penetration dildos are fun on both ends and can be used on multiple holes of one person or can be shared.
  • Stap-ons are dildos or butt plugs (see Anal Toys) housed in a harness worn around the hips and pelvis for more realistic intercourse.
  • Kegel exercisers tone and delight all at the same time, building stronger pelvic muscles.
  • Horseshoe toys clearly derive its name from its horseshoe shape.  It is designed to enter the vagina and anus at the same time.
  • Ben Wa balls are hollow metal balls inserted into the vagina for extended periods of time.  Their motion leads to enhanced orgasms.
  • Fuck/sex machines became extra famous after the Northwestern University classroom demonstrations, which made national news.  These toys are generally motor-driven dildos, like a dildo mounted to the bit of a drill or end of a reciprocating saw.

 

Nipple Toys – Men and women have varying degrees of sensitivity in their nipples – some enjoy nipple stimulation, while for others it can be too intense or even painful.  For those who enjoy erotic nipple play, there are nipple clamps and suction devices.  Clamps cause arousal by providing different degrees of pressure.  Suction devices cause nipples to swell and become more sensitive.

 

Anal Toys – In addition to penetrative toys, which can be used for anal insertion, there are also several types of toys specific to anal play, including anal beads, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, all of which should be accompanied with lubrication.

  • Available in various sizes, anal beads are a strand of beads inserted and slowly removed from the anus in order to trigger strong pleasure.
  • Prostate Massagers, like popular brand Aneros, stimulate a man’s prostate, providing pleasure and health benefits.
  • Butt plugs come in a range of sizes, from very small to very large, and everything in between.  They can be used to ease into anal penetration.  Make sure you use butt plugs with a wide base to prevent it from getting stuck.

 

Male Masturbators / Penile Toys – Sometimes a hand just won’t do, and on those occasions, there is a huge variety of male masturbatory toys to choose from, as well as penile toys increasing the pleasure for both parties during sex.  Assisting in his pleasure are Synthetic Vaginas, Cock Rings, Penis Sleeve, Penis Extension, and Cock Harness.

  • Synthetic Vaginas are often referred to as pocket pussies, which are anatomically correct molds of a vagina (often from popular adult performers) and used for masturbation.  A popular variation is the Fleshlight, which I am proud to endorse.  In addition to synthetic vaginas, there are also molds of mouths and anuses for simulated intercourse as well.
  • Cock rings wrap around the shaft of the penis to help prolong an erection.  Some rings come with clitoral stimulator, which may or may not vibrate.  A triple crown is a cock ring with two additional rings for the testicles.
  • Penis sleeves are an adornment a guy can slip on to provide extra stimulation to his partner during intercourse.  Often sporting external bumps and ridges for stimulation, penis sleeves look a bit like penis armor.  A docking sleeve is similar, but open on both ends for two men to use at once – mutual masturbation.
  • Penis extensions increase the length of a man’s penis for the benefit of his partner.  It’s like a short, hollowed-out dildo.
  • Often associated with BDSM play, cock harnesses fit around the penis and scrotum and help maintain erections.

 

Dolls – Sex dolls are masturbation devices, which go beyond mere physical needs.  The anatomically correct life-size doll helps stimulate on an emotional level as well by appealing to user’s fantasies.  One of the most popular brands is RealDoll, which includes a line of several of the Wicked girls.

 

A Cautionary Note About Sex Toys:

Before we knew how harmful it was, many sex toys were made out of Jelly Latex, a substance containing polyvinyl chloride (PVC), which is toxic to your body.  Phthalates are another harmful type of chemicals used in the production of many toys.  When purchasing sex toys, it’s extremely important to make sure they are PVC-free and Phthalate-free.  Safe materials to purchase include silicone, glass, stainless steel, and Pyrex, and even though they cost a bit more money, they are worth it in the long run.

 

What provides one person with pleasure may not for another, but breathe easy because every day, new, creative ideas are being imagined and produced.  If you have yet to find the right toy(s), chances are it will be here soon… or maybe you can create it yourself.  In a future blog, I will share my 10 favorite sex toys and why I chose them.

 

xo,
jd

Understanding a Woman’s Orgasm

I think one of the biggest lessons to “understanding” a woman’s orgasm – whether you’re a woman and it’s yours or it’s that of your wife, girlfriend, casual fling, or one night stand – is it is something nearly impossible to truly understand. I can instruct you on how to bake the perfect cake, do a PowerPoint presentation, or drive a stick shift, but what I cannot do is give you step by step instructions on how to give your partner (or yourself, for that matter) an orgasm. Because we’re all so very different, both in anatomy and also in personal preferences, what gets one woman off simply may not work for another.

A Sex in America survey found that during intercourse, 3/4 of men reach orgasm, but only 1/3 of all women!  Other studies and surveys have found approximately 80% of the women who are orgasming are doing it from clitoral stimulation alone. Regardless of the type of orgasm, whether it’s clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, or a combination of, it’s my goal to help raise this percentage.

For men, I have three tips to offer.

1. Be confident, but not cocky. This applies to most things in life, but especially in the sexual prowess department. Your confidence she’s going to reach climax will encourage her.

2. Be persistent. There are four phases of the sexual response cycle, as explored by Masters and Johnson. The first one, excitement, encompasses foreplay. Make sure you’re doing what it takes, for as long as it takes. I have met many women who are unable to reach orgasm with their partner because they’re worried about taking too long. If your neck/mouth/fingers get tired, always have a backup plan. Switch things up… but don’t give up.

3. Be a good listener. This goes beyond the words coming out of her mouth. When you are doing something she loves, she’ll tell you… if not with her words, with her body. You’ll be able to pick up on her preferences – does she like it hard and fast? Slow and soft? More pressure or less? The answers are already there for you to find. Listen to her breathing. Watch as her toes curl. Is she pulling you in or pushing you away? Take that hint! Oh, and when she says breathlessly, ” don’t stop!”, whatever you do, DON’T STOP.

For women, I have days worth of advice, but I’ll begin with these three tips.

1. Get to know yourself. Your body is amazing. It’s unique. We don’t come with instruction manuals, so it’s up to you to do the groundwork necessary to really explore who you are sexually and what you like. Masturbate. Try things for the first time when you’re alone to alleviate any concerns you might have. When you’re comfortable, you can share them with your partner.

2. Have faith. It’s taking too long? Probably not. Women vary between the very quick 5 minutes to a leisurely half an hour… maybe more. Give yourself permission to do what you need, for as long as you need. Once you orgasm for the first time, you learn you can do it, and after that, you’ll find orgasms come easily. It’s like taking the training wheels off your bike once you get the hang of it. It’s also like the Law of Attraction… for orgasms!

3. Communicate. After you’ve experimented with what gets you in the mood, find a way to share this information with your partner. There are plenty of ways to do this – from a discussion during a dinner date to dirty talk during the act, and everything in between. Feeling adventurous? Plan a night of mutual masturbation where sex with your partner isn’t allowed. Watch each other and notice how you touch yourselves.

These hints are just the tip of the iceberg, but you’ll find in time and with practice, you’ll be on your way to understanding orgasms, and in turn, having many, many more of them.

For help of exploring your body and masturbation, try “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex Female Masturbation.”

xo,
jd

Dear jessica: My Husband Lacks Confidence, Down There!

Dear jessica,

 

My husband, to be blunt, seems to lack confidence in his “size.” At first I started noticing some self-effacing comments. But now it seems to affect his mood when we’re in bed. How can I convince him that I’m not a “Size Queen,” and what tips can you give me to spice things up sexually with him?

 

–       Brooke

 

Dear Brooke,

 

This is an excellent question more people should address! You need to remind yourself – and your husband – at the end of the day, what really matters here is you and your husband experience sexual pleasure on your own terms. Yes, some women are “size queens,” and perhaps your man had some experiences before meeting you that affected his confidence. Just let him know you love him for who he is – and just the way he is. There are plenty of ways to make sex more enjoyable – be sure to pick positions, which organically create the kind of friction you both enjoy: try cowgirl, putting your legs between his, until your clitoris is firmly against his pubic bone. Or have him take you “doggy style.” This position works wonders for helping less-than-massive men reach the G-Spot, especially as you are pushing your hips up against him. And speaking of the G-Spot, my educational DVD ‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: The G-Spot and Female Ejaculation,’ contains additional tips to help you and your husband have a more rewarding sex life, while another entry in the series, “Positions,” can help you bring more creativity and variety to the bedroom. Enjoy!

 

xo,

jd