Men: 3 Tips to Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Within popular culture, when it comes to a man’s sexual performance, stamina seems to be almost as important as penis size. Let’s face it – in the movies (porn AND mainstream), on TV, and even in popular music, fully pleasing a woman isn’t just a momentary bragging moment, it’s an expected male duty. And that’s a lot of pressure.

I think there’s some confusion as to what “ED” or Erectile Dysfunction really is. ED has nothing to do with going all night long- rather, it’s actual impotence. The inability to get an erection strong enough for penetrative sex. And while we’re at it, let’s also dispel the myth that every woman wants sex that lasts for hours with a massively endowed man. Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes, but most women are good with quality over quantity. Can you last 5, 10, 15 minutes? Congrats, you’re in the majority! But if you’d like a few simple tips to increase your stamina even further, read on!

GTWS_sexy-couple-bed

1) Stop Worrying About Your Performance!

Sex is mostly mental. Especially when a man’s confidence begins to waver, and he’s in that slipperly- slope headspace. Not only can this affect performance, but it can kill the entire erection! It can be a vicious cycle, but if you can catch yourself as it starts, just pause and take a deep breath. Focus on your partner, her body, not your feelings. Just go with the flow. Switch things up, go back a step. Enjoy more foreplay.

2) Make Your Partner Orgasm Ahead of You (Or Vice Versa):

If you’re worried about performance, perhaps putting a bit more effort into the “pre-penetration process” will be to your advantage. If your partner orgasms during oral sex, they’ll be more aroused, future orgasms may come easier, and it might help relieve some of the pressure you feel, giving you more opportunity to just enjoy yourself. Consequently this also works the other way around. If you orgasm during foreplay, you can take your “recovery” time to lavish even more attention on your partner. After all, you know what they say; foreplay IS usually the best way.
 
3) Incorporate the Squeeze Technique:

Try the “squeeze technique” on your off-time, during masturbation. Get yourself right to the edge of the point of no return, and then stop. Do this a few times until you’re really familiar with those few seconds right before you orgasm. Then, incorporate The Squeeze on the head of your penis until the urge subsides. Make sure to practice this a lot (research!) and then share it with your partner during sex. When things get too hot and your orgasm is imminent, pull out and squeeze. You can even have her do it with you. Some guys also like the idea of using cock rings to prolong their erections, just make sure to use one that you can easily remove, and don’t wear it to the point of being numb- you can cause lasting nerve damage by restricting the bloodflow.

The bottom line is there are many ways to improve your stamina in bed, but these are just a few at the top of my list. However,  you’re probably already doing a great job, just as you are. Talk to your partner and get her feedback on what she imagines the “right” length of time is. It might be totally different than what you’d think. Relax. Have fun. Let’s take the stress out of sex.

xo,

jd

Keeping Up with Kegels

Whether you do them for health or pleasure, taking a few minutes a day to do Kegel exercises may be one of the most important activities a woman can do for herself.  If you are unfamiliar with the term “Kegel,” I strongly urge you to take some time and research it on medical sites like MayoClinic.com.

Basically, Kegel exercises are ways to strengthen the pelvic floor through repeated contractions of the muscles in that area.  Performing regular Kegel exercises can reduce involuntary urination, also known as incontinence (never a fun thing), and tighten the vaginal canal (especially beneficial after childbirth).  While I’m choosing to focus on Kegel exercises for women in this blog, men can also perform Kegel exercises to reduce premature ejaculation and increase erection size and potency.

Kegel exercises can be done anywhere at anytime… in fact, I’m doing them now while I write this.  Have you ever stopped urinating midstream?  Then you already know how to do a Kegel exercise.   While sitting or lying down, focus on contracting those same muscles you use to stop peeing.  The result is your pelvic muscles squeezing your urethra and anus.  If your stomach or butt is doing the tightening, then you are working out the wrong part of your body (at least for a Kegel exercise).

When you are certain you are correctly working your pelvic muscles, hold each contraction for 3-4 seconds, then release for the same amount of time.  Repeat 10 or more times per session, 3 times per day – work deep inhales and exhales into it.  Do you feel super relaxed?  That’s an added bonus!

As I mentioned in my recent blog, “An Introduction to Sex Toys,” there are a variety of devices to assist with Kegel exercises, many of which result in a rush of pleasurable sensations throughout the body and mind-blowing orgasms when done correctly.  Ben Wa balls, like Luna Beads from LELO, are one of the most popular types of device.  Upon inserting these weighted balls into your vagina, you begin to instantly engage in Kegel exercises as your pelvic muscles work to keep the balls inside.  Many women experience great pleasure from the feel of the balls moving around.  Though not as discreet as Ben Wa balls, vaginal barbells, such as Betty’s Vaginal Barbell, are phallic shaped devices weighing around one pound and inserted into the vaginal canal.  EVI, a new product from Aneros, stimulates the G-spot when inserted for Kegel exercises, while an additional handle stimulates the clitoris at the same time.

Whether done with the help of devices or on your own, Kegel exercises prove it is possible to mix work and play.  Some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had were a direct result of Kegel exercises – knowing I’m simultaneously bettering my body make it even more arousing.

xo,
jd

An Introduction to Sex Toys

There are thousands of sex toys for sale, some as small as a quarter, and some as big as a person.  If you attempt to purchase a sex toy without some basic knowledge, you may find yourself quickly overwhelmed.  With all the different types, I could write a book on sex toys – and maybe some day I will – but for now, this blog serves to give you an overview of the general categories of sex toys and help you find what works for you.

 

Vibrators – Vibrators are probably what most people think of when they hear “sex toy”.  While the common image is of a slender phallic shape, vibrators are any toys designed to stimulate the body, which is battery operated or electrical.  Sub categories of vibrators include Penetrative, Wands, Bullet, Anal, G-Spot, Rabbits, and even Alarm Clock.

  • Penetrative vibrators are usually phallic shaped and meant for internal stimulation.
  • Wands, like the Hitachi and Body Wand, are larger and meant for external stimulation.
  • Bullets are the smallest vibrators and can be used directly, especially for clitoral stimulation, or inserted into another toy.
  • Anal vibrators can be designed for women or men, and are inserted into the rectum.
  • A curve in G-spot vibrators allows it to better stimulate the female G-spot, while the male equivalent may have the same shape to stimulate the male prostate.
  • Rabbits combine penetrative vibrators with an external stimulator like a bullet.  The external portion of the original Rabbits were shaped like the animal with its ears producing the clitoral stimulation.
  • Proving people will think of anything, Alarm Clock vibrators wake users up in the most enjoyable way.

 

Penetrative Toys – Demonstrating the overlap in a lot of these categories, penetrative toys may include several types of vibrators.  The most common types of penetrative toys are dildos.  There is a lot of confusion between dildos and vibrators – some vibrators can be used as dildos, but dildos are not vibrators because dildos don’t have motors and are only used for penetration.  Additional penetrative toys include double penetration dildos, strap-ons, kegel exercisers, horseshoes, Ben Wa balls, and fuck/sex machines.

  • Usually meant to resemble a penis, dildos don’t vibrate and are made of a silicone rubber for vaginal or anal penetration.
  • Double penetration dildos are fun on both ends and can be used on multiple holes of one person or can be shared.
  • Stap-ons are dildos or butt plugs (see Anal Toys) housed in a harness worn around the hips and pelvis for more realistic intercourse.
  • Kegel exercisers tone and delight all at the same time, building stronger pelvic muscles.
  • Horseshoe toys clearly derive its name from its horseshoe shape.  It is designed to enter the vagina and anus at the same time.
  • Ben Wa balls are hollow metal balls inserted into the vagina for extended periods of time.  Their motion leads to enhanced orgasms.
  • Fuck/sex machines became extra famous after the Northwestern University classroom demonstrations, which made national news.  These toys are generally motor-driven dildos, like a dildo mounted to the bit of a drill or end of a reciprocating saw.

 

Nipple Toys – Men and women have varying degrees of sensitivity in their nipples – some enjoy nipple stimulation, while for others it can be too intense or even painful.  For those who enjoy erotic nipple play, there are nipple clamps and suction devices.  Clamps cause arousal by providing different degrees of pressure.  Suction devices cause nipples to swell and become more sensitive.

 

Anal Toys – In addition to penetrative toys, which can be used for anal insertion, there are also several types of toys specific to anal play, including anal beads, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, all of which should be accompanied with lubrication.

  • Available in various sizes, anal beads are a strand of beads inserted and slowly removed from the anus in order to trigger strong pleasure.
  • Prostate Massagers, like popular brand Aneros, stimulate a man’s prostate, providing pleasure and health benefits.
  • Butt plugs come in a range of sizes, from very small to very large, and everything in between.  They can be used to ease into anal penetration.  Make sure you use butt plugs with a wide base to prevent it from getting stuck.

 

Male Masturbators / Penile Toys – Sometimes a hand just won’t do, and on those occasions, there is a huge variety of male masturbatory toys to choose from, as well as penile toys increasing the pleasure for both parties during sex.  Assisting in his pleasure are Synthetic Vaginas, Cock Rings, Penis Sleeve, Penis Extension, and Cock Harness.

  • Synthetic Vaginas are often referred to as pocket pussies, which are anatomically correct molds of a vagina (often from popular adult performers) and used for masturbation.  A popular variation is the Fleshlight, which I am proud to endorse.  In addition to synthetic vaginas, there are also molds of mouths and anuses for simulated intercourse as well.
  • Cock rings wrap around the shaft of the penis to help prolong an erection.  Some rings come with clitoral stimulator, which may or may not vibrate.  A triple crown is a cock ring with two additional rings for the testicles.
  • Penis sleeves are an adornment a guy can slip on to provide extra stimulation to his partner during intercourse.  Often sporting external bumps and ridges for stimulation, penis sleeves look a bit like penis armor.  A docking sleeve is similar, but open on both ends for two men to use at once – mutual masturbation.
  • Penis extensions increase the length of a man’s penis for the benefit of his partner.  It’s like a short, hollowed-out dildo.
  • Often associated with BDSM play, cock harnesses fit around the penis and scrotum and help maintain erections.

 

Dolls – Sex dolls are masturbation devices, which go beyond mere physical needs.  The anatomically correct life-size doll helps stimulate on an emotional level as well by appealing to user’s fantasies.  One of the most popular brands is RealDoll, which includes a line of several of the Wicked girls.

 

A Cautionary Note About Sex Toys:

Before we knew how harmful it was, many sex toys were made out of Jelly Latex, a substance containing polyvinyl chloride (PVC), which is toxic to your body.  Phthalates are another harmful type of chemicals used in the production of many toys.  When purchasing sex toys, it’s extremely important to make sure they are PVC-free and Phthalate-free.  Safe materials to purchase include silicone, glass, stainless steel, and Pyrex, and even though they cost a bit more money, they are worth it in the long run.

 

What provides one person with pleasure may not for another, but breathe easy because every day, new, creative ideas are being imagined and produced.  If you have yet to find the right toy(s), chances are it will be here soon… or maybe you can create it yourself.  In a future blog, I will share my 10 favorite sex toys and why I chose them.

 

xo,
jd

Life in the Shadow of Performance Anxiety: Part II

Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction with Good Health

 

 

In Part 1 of this series, I discussed some of the physical and medical basics that contribute to erectile dysfunction (ED), a serious condition that prevents millions of Americans from achieving and maintaining the type of erection required for satisfying sex. It’s a serious issue that affects some eighteen million men in this country, yet there’s precious little discussion of it in the mainstream media.

Having explored some general options available to those contending with ED in Part 1, I thought it would be interesting to invite journalist / publicist Daniel M to write a guest column for Part 2 that focuses on popular dietary and lifestyle options that will not only help you look and feel great, but they may even lead to additional stamina and vitality in the bedroom!

XO,

jessica

 

 

Evolution of a Revolution: Go Paleo with Your Partner!

 

 

For my first article on the site, I’d like to share some lifestyle choices that couples credit with bringing new levels of healthy energy and sexy excitement to their relationships. In some cases, men are even finding this easy-to-follow regimen gives them a renewed confidence in bed, allowing them to conquer insecurities and other psychological predilections that may have affected their ability to maintain a satisfactory erection.

Let’s start with the basics. We are living in uncertain times. A “Fiscal Cliff” is looming ever nearer, unstable governments are trying to print their way out of money problems, and we’re all working more, eating more, and exercising less. Yet we’re expected to look like models and be sexually insatiable. The solution, the “way out” of this 21st Century conundrum, for some, is to adopt a “paleo” perspective.

In the most literal sense, the paleolithic lifestyle (also known as the paleo diet or paleo perspective) is a template for living as humans beings are believed to have lived during the Paleolithic era. Proponents of this revolutionary lifestyle concept assert that human physiology, and thus the body and mind as a whole, evolved over a period of millions of years.

In contrast, the sweeping changes in food preparation, livestock treatment and grain storage brought about by the Industrial Revolution began only 200 hundred years ago. Genetically modified seeds, artificial preservatives and other synthesized foodstuffs are obviously of even more recent origin. These foods have “advanced” faster than our bodies have evolved, paleo enthusiasts argue, due to the changes brought about by unregulated industrialization and rapid leaps genetic science, leading to a societal disconnect between our bodies and minds.

On a purely dietary level, the paleo template for living encourages the consumption of fish, lean meat, vegetables, and nuts. All processed foods are to be avoided, especially preservative-laden junk food, potato-based products, gluten, dairy and wheat.

While the health benefits in adopting the paleo diet are plentiful, some proponents argue that the real rewards run much deeper. It’s about equilibrium, they maintain, and outlook. And to bring this all back to the subject of this series, some even cite a qualitative or quantitative difference in their sex drive!

While some pundits have scoffed at these claims, current research suggests such assertions may be valid. Increasing numbers of forward-thinking dieticians recommend the paleo diet specifically to patients contending with ED and / or complaining of a diminished sex drive. The paleo diet, properly implemented and followed, leads to an increase in saturated fat (necessary to synthesize testosterone), better blood flow, improved circulation (from fish oil) and increased levels of zinc; all are believed to be factors in lessening impotence.

The subtle changes in body composition and testosterone yield psychological and emotional benefits as well; many credit the muscle definition they acquire through the paleo lifestyle for giving them the added stamina, confidence psychological tools and self-image needed to conquer ED.

But whether you’re contending with Erectile Dysfunction or you just want to inject raw vitality and boundless energy into your sex life, don’t be surprised if the Paleo Revolution is the right evolution for you.

 

– Daniel M.

Life in the Shadow of Performance Anxiety, Part I

Communication Is Key in Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction

Whether you choose to call it male sexual dysfunction, sporadic impotence or erectile dysfunction (ED), the inability to achieve and maintain the type of erection required for satisfying sex is a surprisingly common condition in the United States today. According to the Mayo Institute, some eighteen million Americans suffer from ED each year.

What’s most striking about this figure, and the first thing we should commend, is that these people are taking the first step toward achieving greater sexual health. Let’s face facts – it’s not always easy to talk about sexual problems with your partner, and it can be downright daunting to discuss such a stigmatizing issue.

Understandably, the choice for some is to simply avoid bringing the issue out into the open. But like any sexual challenge, avoiding the problem won’t make it go away. However, it will likely lead to performance anxiety and other relationship tension. As in all areas of life, communication is key in achieving a great sex life, and I’d like to share some knowledge to help you down the right path.

First of all – let’s address that 900 pound gorilla in the living room – While ED is most likely to affect a man over the age of forty, it does not mean he’s less virile or that he’s losing interest in his lover. In many cases, the reality is very different. Like other areas in which stamina is required, erectile dysfunction can simply be the sign of a body crying out for help. Many of the common issues that threaten the overall livelihood of middle-aged men – including heart disease, Type 2 Diabetes, and hypertension – can erode a man’s ability to perform at his sexual peak.

The solution to overcoming these issues is often just a need for greater physical fitness. To quote another Mayo Institute statistic, fully 33% of our nation’s population is obese. Not merely overweight, mind you, but clinically obese. While it’s certainly not my place to lecture anyone about their weight (and I urge everyone to feel good about who they are regardless of body type) correcting the medical issues that contribute to ED can lead men (and their lovers!) to making life changes beneficial to both the physical and mental health of their relationships. Eliminating fatty foods and working out regularly, for example, will give couples heightened stamina and endurance in all areas of life, including the bedroom!

Some prescription medications, including several major anti-depressants in the SSRI family, are known to trigger side effects that can contribute to ED. If you have any reason to believe this is happening to you, bring your concerns to your primary physician at your earliest convenience.   You should also have your doctor run tests for hormonal imbalances, as certain types, if sufficiently advanced, can affect a man’s ability to process and respond to erotic stimuli.

Whether ED is the result of physical, medical or psychological issues, there are a number of easily available prescription medications available that may help one achieve and maintain a satisfactory erection. To some, however, this is seen as “treating the symptom” and not as a true long-term cure. Now that we’ve covered the physical and medical basics, I’ll be addressing how to enlist your lover’s help in taking back control of your body in Part II!

Condoms

Condoms are a popular topic of conversation these days with the recent passing of Measure B, a new law requiring protective barriers in all adult movies filmed in Los Angeles County.  While I’m opposed to the law for a number of moral, social, and economic reasons, I do believe condoms are the best way for adults to safeguard against sexually transmitted diseases.

I use condoms in my personal life, as well as my professional life.  Wicked Pictures, the studio I am a contract performer with, is the only heterosexual, condom-only adult entertainment company.

A common complaint from people who oppose using condoms is about the pain associated from having sex with one.  While this may be true for people with latex allergies, extra sensitive vaginas, or adult stars who have sex for two hours straight, if you take the time to find the right condom, you will hardly know it’s there protecting you.

To find a comfortable condom and a compatible lube, I recommend making a game of it.  Buy six or seven different brands and types of condoms – ribbed, flavored, heated, ultra-thin, etc. – and try them all in one or two sessions with your partner.  Try each for a couple of minutes and have fun discussing which are your favorites and why.  Do the same with lubes, like Wicked Sensual Care’s Aqua.  An added bonus of this hands-on research is the prolonged sexual experience it provides.

Some guys don’t like condoms because they are afraid of losing their erection during the time it takes to find a condom, open it, and properly put it on.  A simple solution to this complication is for partners to become involved in the application process.  Fondling your partner’s penis while putting the condom on for him allows him to still be aroused and keep his mind on one thing – sex.

Another issue I’ve heard guys discuss is desensitization.  Again, it comes down to finding the right condom for you.  Condom technology is continually advancing, which means maybe it’s time to try and new brand and material.  There are condoms made out of latex and non-latex materials like polyisoprene, which are up to 40% thinner than standard rubbers.

You can also look at desensitization from a “glass is half full” perspective.  If you are nervous about finishing too soon, the right condom can help extend your sessions in the sack, while still allowing you to savor all the wonderful sensations.

A recent study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine reports men who are satisfied with how their condom feels experience an increase in sexual pleasure (and I know the same is true of the women/men on the receiving end).  While it may seem like an obvious conclusion, the important idea to take away from the study is to search for the right condom for you.  Wrap your gift correctly, and the present will be even more enjoyable.

XO,

jd