jessica drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men Stills

Every man wants to know but few are brave enough to ask. If you are curious about anal play for men, but don’t know where to start, this movie is for you. Wicked Pictures and resident sex educator jessica drake present the next installation in the award winning educational series, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex:Anal Play for Men” With candid interviews and informative demonstrations, we will guide you to bigger, better, explosive orgasms, courtesy of your “P Spot”. From tongues to toys to strap-on sex and more, you’ll find everything you and your partner need to make sure the experience is mind blowing. Also included are three hardcore sex scenes that can be viewed for inspiration-without the educational commentary.

Link: Guide to Wicked Sex: Anal Play for Men

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Mutual Masturbation: How to Still Have Sex When You’re Exhausted!

We’ve all been there. Long days at work, meetings that never seem to end, grocery lists that need taking care of – and of course, your beautiful, supportive and wonderful partner also wants to be tended to, and by the way, so do you! So what happens when you’re both absolutely exhausted, but still have a fire lit inside of you?

A great way to connect with your partner and yourself is mutual masturbation. Guys LOVE seeing a girl give herself pleasure, and what better (and more effective) way is there to get some when you’re oh-so-tired?  It can be close, wet and slow, or hot and fast.  Either way, mutual masturbation is a great way to get in touch with yourself and your body, which is always a turn-on for him.

Here are some great ways to get you and your partner prepped for your satisfaction guaranteed session:

  • Start with a shower to get relaxed, clean, and in the mood for each other.  Want to up the ante by lathering each other up? Score. Get him nice and excited for you. Kissing and massaging in the shower always works to get the engines started.
  • Get into bed first, while he’s drying off, and have some lube ready. Start caressing and pleasuring yourself in a way that is most pleasing to you. Make sure you have enough lube on your hand for him as well. Feel free to start stroking his cock while you stroke and rub yourself in front of him.
  • Try lying back from time to time, and let him take over; just relax and receive. Letting him turn you on and help you to climax may be all he needs to get going and reach orgasm as well.
  • Make sure you include some spooning, cuddling, and kissing.  If there are sexual hot spots – like nipples, or playing with his balls – tease them while your partner is pleasuring himself. Have him hold you close while you’re masturbating as well. These are always sure-fire ways to ignite the sexual fire, and maintain intimacy during your mutual masturbation session.

Also, keep these things in mind when you’re initiating a mutual masturbation session:

  • Always check in with your partner. A simple touch on the leg, backrub, or kiss on the back of the neck can help get things going.
  • Your lover may be just as tired and exhausted, but still hot and bothered, as you are. Remember that you know them, and they know you! You know how to turn each other on. Use what you know, and keep communicating, to help your partner get where they need to go. You might also find out a new spot that turns him on, or a new way to please him manually or orally later, when you’re watching him take care of himself.
  • Be your confident, sexy, alluring self. That means sometimes, it might not result in anything more than falling asleep in each other’s arms before orgasm. But remember – once you and your partner wake up from your nap, you’ll both be stimulated from your earlier play, which will just extend your lovemaking session! Languish in the sweet bliss of napping and pick up where you left off once you’re awake.

There will always be time for sex, even if it’s not penetrative or acrobatic. The important thing is to remember your connection, and how much your partner turns you on, even when the days are too long, the laundry piles are too high, and the boss’ demands are never-ending.

The sexiest thing at the end of the day is trust, communication, and intimacy. Have fun, experiment, and get cozy with your lover!

xo,

jd

On ‘Sex Out Loud’ with Tristan Taormino

While in Washington D.C. this past March for CatalystCon, I had the pleasure of being a guest on Tristan Taormino‘s radio show, “Sex Out Loud,” for Voice America Network.  The show recently aired, and I want to share it with you.

To listen to Tristan and me discuss sexual awareness, adult entertainment, education, and more, click here.

Having my own show, “In Bed with jessica drake,” helps me to appreciate the challenge of radio hosting, and Tristan is an amazing host!  I had a great time and look forward to speaking with Tristan again soon… Maybe next time our roles will be reversed.  😉

xo,
jd

Slut Shaming: My Story

In June 2011, I took part in the first Slut Walk after hearing of it through certain friends in the sex positive community. Earlier that year in February, female university students in Toronto were warned by a police officer not to ” dress like sluts,” so they wouldn’t be sexually assaulted on campus. In response, I met up with a fairly large group of women – and some men – in West Hollywood, California, and walked proudly among them along Santa Monica Blvd. dressed in high heels, tight black leggings, and a tiny shirt, all in protest of the misuse of the word slut.

You’ll notice I say misuse, not use.

I don’t think the issue is using words like slut or whore. It’s the shame we attach to them. It’s the ever-present double standard – if a male sleeps with a number of women, it’s an accomplishment, but if a woman does it, it’s shameful. She’s easy—a slut. Unfortunately, it’s not limited to the male perspective – women are guilty of it as well.

While in high school, I had my first experience with love. J was my first boyfriend. Tall, athletic, tan, and blonde. In an instant, hormones raged between us, and I lost all sense of control. We wanted to be together everywhere, all the time. Attending separate schools and parental intervention made this tough, so we both snuck out at every opportunity. We kissed, we made out, pet heavily, and dry humped until we were raw. We clumsily fumbled through awkward phone sex. We “borrowed” cars; we skipped school. We were uncontrollable. Eventually, between his begging and pleading, and hormones setting my pants on fire, one night after a dance, we had ferocious sex up against a wall behind my school.

My sex education growing up was really limited. I never recall my father acknowledging sex at all, and my mother explained the words PENIS and VAGINA in a way that was clinical at best. That being said, I was always very curious and cautious, even at 14 and 15. I read about sex in bookstores and encyclopedias. I knew about safe sex, so when I lost the battle of willpower versus raging hormones up against the red brick wall, it was with a condom. I wasn’t so smart about concealing the evidence, however, and not long after, my mother discovered poorly hidden shorts and panties stained with blood, which could only have attested to one thing. I was thrown into the car, and driven immediately to her doctor, where, in between her screaming at me and interrogating me, I was tested for every sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy, and even HIV. I was humiliated. She said I was stupid, called me a slut, and though I didn’t know the meaning it of it or the implications it would have on me, I was shamed.

Please don’t take that to mean I stopped having sex. I didn’t.  I became sneakier about it, and at the same time, I grew a deep resentment for my mother. Though I did view sex as slightly shameful for a short time afterward, I decided its risk was well worth the reward. Becoming an adult, I quickly grew to learn there was no shame in sex or my body or the pleasure derived from it. I was very headstrong and determined as a child (not that this surprises anyone who knows me today), and I made it my business to understand sex more… and now it’s my business to make sure other people are able to understand sex a little better and to know there’s no shame in it. No shame in our bodies, what they do, how they feel, what we like to do or have done to them.

The only way we can alter the course of slut or sex shaming is to STOP doing it.

This means mothers and daughters, strangers, friends, enemies, frenemies, and everyone in between needs to step back and remember a time they have felt it in their lives, and then actively choose not to repeat it.

–jd

Becoming a Sex Blogger

CHECK YOUR PREMISES:

Become Who You Are Before You Become a Sex Blogger

[For those of you who’ve been following me here and on other sites over the years, it’s no secret that not only do I enjoy sex blogging, I’m very devoted to encouraging others to share their sexual experiences and beliefs as well. So for the first post on this important topic here on Guide to Wicked Sex, I’ve invited industry publicist Daniel M to share his thoughts on “checking your premises” before starting a sex blog of your own. Enjoy! – jd]

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”

These high-falutin’ words are culled from the climax of Ayn Rand’s dystopian epic Atlas Shrugged. Railroad baroness Dagny Taggart has challenged billionaire swinger Francisco d’Anconia by wondering aloud how a visionary as talented as he could fritter his days away in a haze of booze and passionless sex. By throwing the question back in her lap, so to speak, d’Anconia himself seems to agree; he simply “is who he is,” ala Popeye. As Rand herself put it herself in a later essay, “He urges her to look beyond her assumptions in the search for an answer that could make sense.”

So what’s this Mad Men-era mumbo-jumbo have to do with writing about human sexuality, you’re likely asking. Quite a bit, it turns out – and I’m not just saying that because Rand is a major influence on my own philosophy and sexuality (so much so that in the spirit of full disclosure I’ll fess up to working on last year’s film production of Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike for two days as an unpaid extra). No, what Francisco is getting at here is “A is A”,” a weighty term straight from the work of Aristotle.

Known as Aristotle’s Law of Identity and beautifully simple, it holds that everything and everyone that exists has a single identity. So, if you aspire to blog about something as rich and varied as sex, the most important issue you should get out of the way first is…you.

What is the source or “origin story” of your sexual being? How was the topic of sex treated in your home growing up? Are your memories conservative, liberal, happy, sad, full of light, darkness, or – as they are for most of us – somewhere in between?  Many psychologists assert our personalities are essentially “formed” by age eight, so obviously childhood conceptions of relationships and love can – and do – cast a long shadow over our sexual nature.

And just what is it you’re hoping to accomplish with your blog, anyway? The advent of Social Media, Web 2.0, smartphones and countless other technological innovations leave us craving instant gratification like never before, but sex is rarely a matter of black and white. Do you wish pass on the knowledge of others, share your own personal experiences, discoveries, tips and tricks, or simply share insights on your own personal sexual journey into greater pleasure, greater understanding, and greater acceptance? As another intellectual giant once said, “To thine own self be true.”

A = A.

Through our sexuality, we work with our partners to perceive reality in its most physical, objective sense, to bring mutual fantasies into reality, rather than leaving them to wither and die in some unlived alternate reality. But as those who come from intensely conservative and / or religious backgrounds can attest, coercion and manipulation, if exerted strongly enough and over time, can create an also hypnotic matrix of denial, creating an alternate reality that cannot abide healthy sexuality.

“All the World’s a stage / We are merely players / performers and portrayers” Neil Peart once wrote by way of Shakespeare. And once you’ve come to terms with the sexual journalist you were always meant to be, you’ll know your role. Philosophers and ploughmen – each must know their part. Are you an educator, confessor, libertine, or sociologist?

Once you know the answer to that question, grab a catchy-sounding URL summarizing how A = A in your own sexual reality and be sure to tag every post with every applicable keyword imaginable, because you’ll be on your way in no time.

“A person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life.” – Ayn Rand

 

–Daniel M.

Popping Condom Myths

In a previous post on condoms, I discussed the ins and outs of condoms, from using them in my own personal and professional life, to finding the right condom for you or your lover.  Now I want to tackle some of the misconceptions about contraception and pop the myths surrounding condoms.  While you may think some of the following is common sense, there are still many people who never received proper condom education.

  1. Two Are Better Than One – While this statement can be true for many things in life (sometimes even in the bedroom), it is far from true when wearing condoms. Doubling up, or double bagging as some call it, is dangerous, as it creates friction between the two condoms leading to tears.
  1. Condoms Should be Bought by Men – It takes two to tango.  Since sex must always be a consensual act by both parties involved, the responsibility of protection also falls on each individual.  Several studies report more than 35% of condom purchasers are women who understand being prepared is never a bad thing.  For ladies worried about having a bunch of condoms fall out of their purse like Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex & the City,” a chic company named Just In Case specializes in discreet condom carriers.
  1. All Condoms Desensitize – Condoms affect everyone differently.  If you’re having trouble enjoying the moment with a condom on, then you’re using the wrong type/brand.  Try something thinner, or made from a different material.  There are even condoms textured to provide more pleasure to the man wearing it.
  1. Flavored Condoms May be Used Any Time – Condoms seem to come in any flavor imaginable now, even scotch whiskey flavored.  While the flavors may spice up oral sex with a condom, they should not be used during vaginal sex.  Many flavored condoms are sugar coated, which increases the changes of a woman getting a yeast infection.
  1. Some Men Are too Big – No one is too big to wear a condom!  Condoms can hold a gallon of water and are large enough to fit over a basketball.  There are different sizes of condoms, and some men may require an extra large size, but even the men in the adult entertainment industry are able to find condoms that fit.
  1. Pores in Condoms Allow HIV to Pass Through – Latex condoms will not let anything pass through as long as it has not been damaged in any way.  Some natural fiber condoms may not provide effective protection against viruses like HIV, but all latex condoms sold in the United States are rigorously tested to meet strict quality standards.
  1. Wearing a Condom Makes You Invincible – Condoms are over 97% effective protecting against unwanted pregnancy and STDs, but there’s always still a chance something could happen.  In addition to using a condom, use your brain.  If you’re worried about pregnancy, also consider employing additional forms of birth control like the Pill.  To better protect against STDs, make sure you and your partner are both tested before engaging in a sexual relationship.  If you have an open relationship, then make sure you are frequently tested.

As with anything in life, information is key.  If you have questions or concerns about condoms, look it up online.  There is a wealth of knowledge available on the Internet, as long as you stick to trusted sites.

I’ll leave you with this amazing French commercial for condoms, which shows you a great reason to always wrap up: http://youtu.be/x68tEwKlifQ. Enjoy!


xo,

jd

The CatalystCon Opening Keynote Plenary Address

I’m about to fly to Washington DC in a couple of days for Catalyst Con East, where in addition to speaking in several sessions previously detailed, I’ll be on the panel for the CatalystCon Opening Keynote Plenary Address the night of Friday, March 15.

The panel will be moderated by the lovely Tristan Taormino (whose radio show I will be a guest on during the weekend).  My fellow panelists include Ducky Doolittle, Dr. Hernando Chaves, and Mireille Miller-Young.  I greatly admire each of the people I’m speaking with for their contributions towards modern sex education.

The Keynote is going to kickoff the convention and set the tone for the entire weekend.  We’ll cover an array of topics including battles over sex education, reproductive rights, gay marriage, obscenity, and pornography, and how each one plays a role in politics and society.  Of course each topic will be covered in more details during CatalystCon’s over 40 sessions.

For more information about CatalystCon East, visit the website at www.CatalystCon.com.  I’m sure I’ll be tweeting about all the informative sessions and amazing speakers throughout the three days, so check out @thejessicadrake.  I’m also looking forward to posting a recap of the convention when I’m back home in LA.

xo,
jd

Slut Shaming Discussion at CatalystCon East

As I previously mentioned, I will be participating in the inaugural CatalystCon East sexuality conference in Washington D.C., March 15-17.

One of the sessions I will be presenting is titled, Slut Shaming in Sex Positive Communities.  I’ll be speaking alongside 4 amazing women: Carol Queen, Femcar, Serpent Libertine, and Crysta Heart.

Here’s a description of the session from CatalystCon’s website (www.CatalystCon.com):

Does “sex positive” always mean acceptance of the sexual appetites of others or other communities we’re not involved in? Why is it acceptable for sex-positive individuals to bash or criticize the sexual proclivities of others while claiming to be supportive allies? Based on our collective experiences within the sex worker, BDSM, swinger, poly, and queer communities, our panel will lead a discussion that examines some of the ways we’ve witnessed slut-shaming from those we’ve expected it least. Additionally, we’ll discuss why initiating conversations about these incidents can be even more challenging than speaking with folks in the vanilla world. By confronting this issue, we hope to find better ways to stimulate conversations among sex-positive individuals and learn how our words and actions can have an impact on others who lack understanding of our communities.

I believe this is an extremely important issue to discuss, and I am looking forward to the conversations it helps inspire.

xo,
jd

Speaking at CatalystCon East in Washington D.C.

I’m excited to say CatalystCon East is only 5 weeks away!

Back in September 2012, I was on a panel for Catalyst Con West (www.CatalystCon.com), a conference devoted to “inspiring exceptional conversations about sexuality.”  As I wrote about here, I had an amazing time meeting and speaking with many of my idols in the field of sexuality.  The conference helped me grow as an educator and a woman.

I’m pleased to announce I will be participating in the inaugural CatalystCon East in the Washington D.C. area, March 15-17.  I am extremely honored to participate as a panel member for the Opening Keynote Plenary Address: Sparking Communication in Sexuality, Activism, and Acceptance.  I will also present at sessions titled The Facts About Measure B, and How It Impacts Us All and Slut Shaming in Sex Positive Communities.

As we get closer to the conference, I’ll write posts about the various sessions I’m speaking at and let you know what sessions I’m most eager to attend.  If you live anywhere near Washington D.C. or are able to travel, I urge you to look into attending CatalystCon East.

xo,

jd

Life in the Shadow of Performance Anxiety, Part I

Communication Is Key in Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction

Whether you choose to call it male sexual dysfunction, sporadic impotence or erectile dysfunction (ED), the inability to achieve and maintain the type of erection required for satisfying sex is a surprisingly common condition in the United States today. According to the Mayo Institute, some eighteen million Americans suffer from ED each year.

What’s most striking about this figure, and the first thing we should commend, is that these people are taking the first step toward achieving greater sexual health. Let’s face facts – it’s not always easy to talk about sexual problems with your partner, and it can be downright daunting to discuss such a stigmatizing issue.

Understandably, the choice for some is to simply avoid bringing the issue out into the open. But like any sexual challenge, avoiding the problem won’t make it go away. However, it will likely lead to performance anxiety and other relationship tension. As in all areas of life, communication is key in achieving a great sex life, and I’d like to share some knowledge to help you down the right path.

First of all – let’s address that 900 pound gorilla in the living room – While ED is most likely to affect a man over the age of forty, it does not mean he’s less virile or that he’s losing interest in his lover. In many cases, the reality is very different. Like other areas in which stamina is required, erectile dysfunction can simply be the sign of a body crying out for help. Many of the common issues that threaten the overall livelihood of middle-aged men – including heart disease, Type 2 Diabetes, and hypertension – can erode a man’s ability to perform at his sexual peak.

The solution to overcoming these issues is often just a need for greater physical fitness. To quote another Mayo Institute statistic, fully 33% of our nation’s population is obese. Not merely overweight, mind you, but clinically obese. While it’s certainly not my place to lecture anyone about their weight (and I urge everyone to feel good about who they are regardless of body type) correcting the medical issues that contribute to ED can lead men (and their lovers!) to making life changes beneficial to both the physical and mental health of their relationships. Eliminating fatty foods and working out regularly, for example, will give couples heightened stamina and endurance in all areas of life, including the bedroom!

Some prescription medications, including several major anti-depressants in the SSRI family, are known to trigger side effects that can contribute to ED. If you have any reason to believe this is happening to you, bring your concerns to your primary physician at your earliest convenience.   You should also have your doctor run tests for hormonal imbalances, as certain types, if sufficiently advanced, can affect a man’s ability to process and respond to erotic stimuli.

Whether ED is the result of physical, medical or psychological issues, there are a number of easily available prescription medications available that may help one achieve and maintain a satisfactory erection. To some, however, this is seen as “treating the symptom” and not as a true long-term cure. Now that we’ve covered the physical and medical basics, I’ll be addressing how to enlist your lover’s help in taking back control of your body in Part II!