Guide to Wicked Flirting – Tips for the Ladies

The days of being courted by a gentleman on your parents’ veranda, while sipping lemonade are long gone – though if you ask me, they may have never truly existed. As generations age, they cling on to romanticized or exaggerated notions of their youth, but I’m sure many people still met at a bar, saloon, or speakeasy, often flirting without the gaze of their parents.

What has changed is society’s notion of gender roles. While we are still far from total gender equality, if women are able to serve in the military, they sure as heck should be able to initiate flirting. If you’re the type of gal who typically waits on a guy to make the first move, but things in your dating life have been slow, then you may want to read this introductory Guide to Wicked Flirting.

Go to a bar alone… or any place for that matter – Starbucks, the movies, or a county fair. This may seem a bit awkward at first, but putting yourself out there can get you noticed. Empowered dating is all about exposing yourself and feeling comfortable even when you’re at your most vulnerable. Leave your friends at home, let down your guard, and embrace the opportunity to be yourself.

First find a spot in the bar (or place of your choosing) that allows you to interact with people. You can try bellying up to the bar and make friends with your bartender. Walk and talk with confidence. Put down your cellphone and focus on who’s in the bar. Smile, laugh, and strike up a converstaion with the strangers sitting near you. Browse the bar for a guy you find attractive. Make eye contact, and if he is too shy to approach you, move to where he is. Be friendly and engage in conversation. Start with “hello” – people forget how effective that one word is when breaking the ice.

Ask questions because us ladies aren’t the only ones who like to talk about ourselves. Once engaged in conversation, don’t clam up. If you come across someone you’d like to know better, take it slow — but try to keep the conversation going. Ask questions, smile, and pay attention to what they’re saying, and look them in the eye! Good eye conact shows the gentleman he is the most important thing in the room to you.

Ask him about his hobbies, favorite sports teams, and movies — and share some casual, but not too personal, information about yourself in return. Remember this is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy yourself! Conversation is a balancing act, but if you’re both enjoying it, you won’t even notice.

Be yourself – this may seem obvious, but some of the worst crash-and-burn stories you read in magazines like Cosmopolitan occur when someone is trying to put on a mask. Challenging yourself to act in a manner outside of the box is not the same as being untrue to you. Talk about what you’re passionate about. Even if he’s not into the same things, passion is contagious.

Everyone loves a mystery. Think of flirting as a foreword to the book of you. While you want to be yourself and converse freely, you also want to save some things to talk about for the first date… or perhaps for breakfast if things go really well that night. Leave him wanting more.

Give him your number. Few things are more attractive than a flirt who is confident, playful, and clever. If you like the time you’ve spent with this new man, give him your number. Don’t be shy, what’s the worse than can happen, he doesn’t call? It’s not the end of the world, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know where it can go.

Remember, if you sit back and wait for a man to do all of these things, you may spend the best years of your life doing just that, waiting. Take control and be the sexy, witty, best version of you, you can be!

xo,
jd

Truth in Advertising

“What do men look for in an online dating profile? I’m new to this, and I don’t want to screw it up.”  -Christine, 40

Real Guy says:

The first thing I look at are photos, and they should be recent. If you don’t have any, have a friend take them for you. Include flattering poses, and at least one full length. No sense trying to deceive someone here, because he’ll know the truth as soon as you meet. Next, I look at the number of children involved, and whether a woman wants more. If you want kids (or more kids), be proud of your choice, and say so in the profile. If the potential mate doesn’t want kids, better to find out now than in six months. Lastly, I look at interests. There are some things I want to do with a partner, and some I can do or prefer to do, alone. Treat your profile like a job interview…for life. Present yourself in a positive light, brag a little, and keep the negatives to a minimum. Read a few profiles of women similar to you in looks, and ask yourself, “Is this someone I’d want to meet”? If so, why? Take a few notes. Good luck!

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

“I met my wife when she was dating someone else. She cheated on him with me. We’ve been married for 3 years, and now I think she’s seeing someone on the side. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”? How can I tell for sure?”  -Marcos, 33

Real Guy says:

Personally Marcos, I think you’re asking this question three years too late. But since we can’t jump into a time machine, let’s address your concerns. What’s making you think she’s cheating? Has she changed her routine, lost weight, or bought clothes when she normally doesn’t? Has her sex drive cooled drastically? Does she stay up late on the computer or texting on her phone? If you just have a “feeling”, I wouldn’t call the divorce lawyer just yet. If you’re trying to catch her cheating, or gather evidence, there are many things you can do. You can put a GPS tracker on her car, a keystroke recording program on her computer, or (if you have a lot of money) hire a detective. If you insist on catching her, a visit to your local spy store, or one online, will give you more ideas. I’ve always looked at it much simpler; If I thought someone was cheating, I didn’t need to prove it. To me, the relationship was broken and it was time to move on. Once I no longer trust a woman, I don’t need to spend my hard-earned money to justify leaving.

The ‘Big O’

“I never orgasm from intercourse, only from a vibrator or when I play with myself, occasionally from oral sex, but never when my boyfriend and I are having sex. He always gets upset and thinks that he’s doing something wrong. What should I do/tell him?”   -Julie,26

Real Guy says:

Sex is about two things for a man; his orgasm, and his ability to make you orgasm. Most men won’t consider sex satisfactory unless both of you cross the finish line. Is his technique top-notch? In other words, have you climaxed with others? If so, he might want to consider some type of self-help video or book. After all, nobody is born with the ability to get a woman off. You might also want to give your bf control of the vibrator when you have sex. Explain that not all women climax the same way. Just as some women are loud, and others are more controlled, some women take longer than others to orgasm (sometimes a LOT longer, by the way). Either way, if your bf has the vibrator, he will regain some semblance of control when it comes to your orgasm.

 

Three-Way Question

“My husband wants to have a threesome with me and one of my friends, and I think I may be open to it, but I also want to have a threesome…with two guys. He could be involved, or he could watch. I think that’s an even trade. How do I bring that up?”   – Mindi,32

Real Guy Says:

Threesomes are extremely tricky, and have been known to kill relationships. There’s a myriad of reasons:

  • You do it for your husband, but then he backs out of the deal.
  • One of you discovers you’re really into it, but the other isn’t. What then?
  • Jealousy can weave its way into the relationship, without warning.

Here’s the deal. It takes a very strong couple to survive sex outside the marriage. But if you’re hell-bent to do this, I highly recommend not using your friend. Better to use someone who’s a stranger, just so if it does cause some jealousy, you don’t ruin a friendship along with your marriage. As for how to bring up having your own threesome, next time he asks you, reply with, “And what do I get in return”? He’ll probably ask what you want, and that’s when you suggest your reward. Many times a guy is just testing his partner’s “lesbian-meter”, but backs off once he pictures you making it with two men, especially if he’s an insecure type.