The days of being courted by a gentleman on your parents’ veranda, while sipping lemonade are long gone – though if you ask me, they may have never truly existed. As generations age, they cling on to romanticized or exaggerated notions of their youth, but I’m sure many people still met at a bar, saloon, or speakeasy, often flirting without the gaze of their parents.
What has changed is society’s notion of gender roles. While we are still far from total gender equality, if women are able to serve in the military, they sure as heck should be able to initiate flirting. If you’re the type of gal who typically waits on a guy to make the first move, but things in your dating life have been slow, then you may want to read this introductory Guide to Wicked Flirting.
Go to a bar alone… or any place for that matter – Starbucks, the movies, or a county fair. This may seem a bit awkward at first, but putting yourself out there can get you noticed. Empowered dating is all about exposing yourself and feeling comfortable even when you’re at your most vulnerable. Leave your friends at home, let down your guard, and embrace the opportunity to be yourself.
First find a spot in the bar (or place of your choosing) that allows you to interact with people. You can try bellying up to the bar and make friends with your bartender. Walk and talk with confidence. Put down your cellphone and focus on who’s in the bar. Smile, laugh, and strike up a converstaion with the strangers sitting near you. Browse the bar for a guy you find attractive. Make eye contact, and if he is too shy to approach you, move to where he is. Be friendly and engage in conversation. Start with “hello” – people forget how effective that one word is when breaking the ice.
Ask questions because us ladies aren’t the only ones who like to talk about ourselves. Once engaged in conversation, don’t clam up. If you come across someone you’d like to know better, take it slow — but try to keep the conversation going. Ask questions, smile, and pay attention to what they’re saying, and look them in the eye! Good eye conact shows the gentleman he is the most important thing in the room to you.
Ask him about his hobbies, favorite sports teams, and movies — and share some casual, but not too personal, information about yourself in return. Remember this is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy yourself! Conversation is a balancing act, but if you’re both enjoying it, you won’t even notice.
Be yourself – this may seem obvious, but some of the worst crash-and-burn stories you read in magazines like Cosmopolitan occur when someone is trying to put on a mask. Challenging yourself to act in a manner outside of the box is not the same as being untrue to you. Talk about what you’re passionate about. Even if he’s not into the same things, passion is contagious.
Everyone loves a mystery. Think of flirting as a foreword to the book of you. While you want to be yourself and converse freely, you also want to save some things to talk about for the first date… or perhaps for breakfast if things go really well that night. Leave him wanting more.
Give him your number. Few things are more attractive than a flirt who is confident, playful, and clever. If you like the time you’ve spent with this new man, give him your number. Don’t be shy, what’s the worse than can happen, he doesn’t call? It’s not the end of the world, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know where it can go.
Remember, if you sit back and wait for a man to do all of these things, you may spend the best years of your life doing just that, waiting. Take control and be the sexy, witty, best version of you, you can be!