Will Sleeping With Him Too Soon Sabotage Your Shot At Love?

Originally posted on *Your Tango

Jumping in the sack too quickly might send the wrong message.

New relationships are exciting, and there’s big temptation to jump in the sack right off the bat.

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But both conventional wisdom and experience show that having sex too soon increases the likelihood of ruining a potential relationship. Yet if you’ve fallen into the sticky trap of sleeping with someone too soon, even knowing that it’s not in your best interest, you may have:

  • Gotten caught up in the moment
  • Mistaken sexual chemistry for more than what it is
  • Craved intimacy
  • Had sex for validation after a break up or a dry spell
  • Used sex as leverage
  • Felt pressured and wanted to please the guy
  • Believed you could have a no-strings-attached relationship, only to later want a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship
  • Thought you were the exception

Having sex too soon is actually fine — just make sure that both of you have the same understanding about the nature of your relationship. But if you want a real, long term and committed relationship, having sex too soon sends the wrong signal to the guys you date.

What Happens After Having Sex With A Guy Too Soon
Hollywood movies perpetuate the fairytale version of having sex too soon — girl meets boy, they have sex early on, something happens to tear them apart, and then boy comes back for girl.

In these fantasy movies, one-night stands become real relationships. We buy into the fantasy that having premature sex doesn’t ruin a relationship when real life consistently shows us otherwise.

Are you thinking, “But I know a woman who has slept with a guy early on, and she’s now married to him!”

Yes, it is possible to have sex with a guy too soon and have it turn into a lasting relationship. But this is the exception, and it’s important to recognize that.

When you presume you’re the exception, you do a disservice to yourself. It’s in your best interest to act like you’re the rule, and be pleasantly surprised if things work out differently.

Having sex too soon and hoping it will lead to a commitment is trading short-term urges for long-term desires. When a guy acts on his biological urge and you perceive it as love, feelings of doubt and confusion will set in.

You may ask yourself “Did I do the right or wrong thing?” or “Where do I stand with this guy?”

If you like him a lot, you’ll behave and act in unflattering and desperate ways. Your self-esteem will take a hit because you’ll have compromised your values and integrity to get him to desire you on a deeper level. In hindsight, these will be some of your most cringe-worthy moments.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s okay. The more important thing is to learn and grow from these experiences.

What You Can Do To Keep His Interest — Instead Of Having Sex Too Soon
Don’t let a man who just wants to have sex with you pressure you into sleeping with him early on. It doesn’t make him a bad guy if he wants to have sex with you — he is just being a guy, and many women let him get away with it.

Don’t be a woman who has sex with a guy thinking that physicality will keep his interest. Most men seek sex for the immediate physical gratification.

Here’s the good news: the beauty of being a woman is helping him see sex as more than a physical sensation. Set the pace by having sex only when you feel comfortable and ready.

Setting the pace isn’t about playing games. It’s about knowing what you want (i.e. a real relationship), then behaving and acting in ways that align with what you desire. If there’s a guy you’re interested in, let him woo you.

Take the time to learn about each other. Discover what his values are, the kind of relationships he has with family and friends, how he views his job, life, and the world, why previous relationships haven’t worked out, etc.

Let him learn who you are, what you’re about, what you love and what’s most important to you.

If he wants to have sex before you’re ready, and the thought of being intimate with him appeals to you, you can acknowledge what he wants by saying something like, “I like who you are and want to continue to learn more about you.

If things keep going in this direction, I can definitely see us being intimate.” If a guy doesn’t stick around because you’re not having sex when he wants it, he is not the one for you.

A high quality man who really likes you will respect your wishes and wait for you.

The Ideal Time For Having Sex With A Guy
So when should you sleep with a guy? Aone-size-fits-all answer does not exist. However, here are signs that point to the ideal time for having sex with a potential partner.

  • You connect on many levels
  • You feel good about yourself when you’re around him
  • You like who he is
  • You respect him
  • He treats you with respect
  • He does what he says he’s going to do
  • He’s not having sex with anyone else
  • There are no exes or women from the past in the picture
  • You both want the same kind of relationship
  • He is the kind of man you could see being in a real relationship with
  • Sex feels like the next natural progression
  • If you have sex, despite what happens, you’ll have no regrets

Ultimately, having sex too soon rarely turns dates into a relationship. Send the right signals to guys you date by slowing things down until you learn you’re truly compatible. When the time is right, the sex you have will be meaningful and more fulfilling on multiple levels.

Remember, a high quality man will respect your wishes and wait until you are ready to have sex. When do you think it’s ideal to have sex with a guy? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you’re frustrated and tired about not being successful in love, get your free Monthly Guide to Love. You’ll receive insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices that support your journey to love.

The Number One Secret to Great Sex in Happy Marriages

Originally posted on *Brides.com
Written by Fawn Weaver

The secret to great sex in happy marriages is not some mind-blowing sexual position. Rather it’s much simpler: honesty.

We’ve done it all, seen it all, and now it’s a matter of perfecting it and that can take time, practice and honesty. Unfortunately, for many women, faking an orgasm is more comfortable than simply being truthful when sex falls short of expectations.

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When it comes to happy marriages, however, trust is one of the most important things. Whether you realize it or not, faking an orgasm breaks down that trust. It is the same as lying. Albeit maybe with good intentions, but a good-intentioned lie is still a lie.

So how do you break the habit of giving an Oscar-worthy performances when your man says lights, camera, action? Here are three ways to get you started:

1. Tell him over a glass of wine Pick a time when sex is not on his mind or yours. When you’re just relaxing. Not stressed. This is important with such a touchy topic.

2. Try the hot/cold gameThe reality is some women don’t even know how to help their man please them. Our bodies are like a combination lock and for many of us, we don’t know the combo. So like Charlize Theron in The Italian Job, you might need to figure it out by touch. Allow him to kiss you in every area possible and see where your touch points are.

3. Remove the pressure to get this perfect tonight When you said I do, you said so until the end of time, right? Then let him know you’re committed to taking the time together to learn what blows his mind — and yours! Exploring your body is a lifelong process. What makes you scream (in a good way) today might put you to sleep tomorrow. Your body is constantly changing and admitting that will allow him to please you more often (and those orgasms will be for real this time).

The good news is great sex is not what creates a happy marriage. For my book, Happy Wives Club, I traveled the world interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to discover their secrets. Guess what? Sex didn’t make the list. Not even close.

Why? Because when you are doing the most important things to make your marriage great outside of the bedroom, mind-blowing sex will naturally occur inside the bedroom (or on the kitchen counters, in the bathtub, in the closet — you get the picture).

How to Discover the Dirty Things Your Girl Wants To Do In Bed

Originally posted on *Ask Men

People in relationships often don’t ask each other to do certain things simply because they are too shy to bring it up. This goes for both guys and girls: We fear that our partners might think we are a bit too weird.

Your girlfriend could be into some pretty wild stuff, but she might be worried that you’ll think she’s perverted or that it is out of her nature. And you most likely have the desire to try something new, but you might fear she’ll think you’re a freak or a weirdo or — worst of all — unmanly. The thing is, a few lewd (but tactful) suggestions can go a long way, so don’t be afraid to be brave sometimes. Of course, some things are going to be completely out of the question for you or her, but this is something you can discuss: Where and what are your limits? What would you do, and definitely not do? Communication is always the best pathway to the best sex of your life, so get talkin’!

To get you inspired, this article will provide you with a list of naughty things many girls are secretly into. Don’t be shy to ask her if she has fantasized or thought about trying one of the acts listed below. But before you try something new in the bedroom, you need to break the routine patterns that dominate your relationship on every level.

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Break the routine

Before you try out your “new thing,” break the spell of routine outside of your sex life by doing something nonroutine together. For example, if you come home and watch TV for three hours together every night, go for a walk for an hour and get some ice cream instead. If it’s too cold for that, play a game of cards. You get the drift; it doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure you haven’t done it for the past 30 days straight. Breaking the cycles in your lives will leave you both open to fresh thoughts and actions in the bedroom.

This is great for your relationship anyway, as no one likes to do the same thing week in and week out. Life can be long and boring enough as it is without encouraging your own closest relationship to become stale. Appreciate each other by showing interest in different activities, and you will hopefully be rewarded with an open mind and body when you pop the question about trying one of the sexual activities listed below.

Having sex in a public place

Having sex in a public place is a huge turn-on for many women because it’s just so naughty. Public doesn’t mean “right out on the street in front of everyone to see”; it generally means somewhere discreet, but very much in the public domain. From cars to public toilets to the library, the possibilities are endless… a park, an alleyway, a crowded bus… all these places offer the thrill of debauchery, but you can do it without anyone really actually knowing what you are doing. If you do get caught, the giggles will be worth it unless, of course, you get arrested! Even so, you can add your mug shots to your photo album.

The key to having sex in public is to keep it decent. This means wearing appropriate clothing for easy access, and keeping the huffs, puffs and squeals down. Your thrills may not thrill too many other people.

If you think your girl is not into anal, you could be wrong…

Anal sex

Despite living in the 21st century, many people are still afraid of anal sex — this includes men. With the right care taken and plenty of lube, anal sex can be extremely pleasurable and fun. Even though it’s had its taboo pass revoked in recent years due to popular demand, not everyone has tried it… or tried it and liked it.

The anal area has millions of nerve endings within its fine walls, and you can even have anal orgasms. The sensation is different to vaginal sex, so it provides a pleasant change when you want to try something new.

The male G-spot (prostate gland) is in the anal canal, and there are special tools (prostate massagers) you can use to provoke what is commonly referred to as “the super O.” Whole body orgasms are possible, which stem not from the penis, but from the abdomen and prostate, ricocheting through the body; a deeply moving experience,  if you are keen on trying one.

Filming it

Making your own dirty sex tape can be a very sexy way to spend intimate time with your lover. It takes a bit of courage to do this, but it will provide much quality material later on for fantasies. It does take a reasonable dose of trust, so use your scruples, and don’t abuse her faith — that means don’t show your mates, don’t sell it on the internet (or give it away for free!) and don’t tell anyone without prior permission.

It is easy enough to get out your video phone these days and do a bit of amateur filming at the blink of an eye, so make use of new technologies. It doesn’t have to be a fully set up porn scene, just film yourselves together doing something you both like, then you can look at it later when you need a hand…

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Going to a strip club together

This is a brave step for many women, but today’s wonderfully modern woman doesn’t want to be a prude, so your girl may just be delighted if you asked her to come along to a strip club. It doesn’t have to be with all your drooling, horny mates (safety in numbers), just you and your girl checking it out together.

Women really do love to admire other women’s beautiful bodies, and we all wish to Venus that we could dance like that. Yes women envy other women, but on the whole, it is an arousing and attractive experience for a female to watch other females being sexy. All that bare, naked flesh and beautiful lingerie… just keep your hands to yourself, and make sure you pay your girl sufficient attention like a gentleman should.

You are not out with your mates, so don’t act like it. She’ll be paying attention to how you gaze at the girls, so try to keep cool and put more of your focus on your girlfriend.

Experimenting with light bondage

Being tied up is erotic because it begins a power game. If you tie me up, you have the power. If I tie you up, I have the power. Bondage doesn’t have to be whips and chains and gimp masks, it can be as simple as knotting her panties around her wrists with the bed post in between so she is at your mercy.

Sheets and underwear do nicely. You don’t need any fancy rope or handcuffs — though these are always nice and they make a suggestive gift if you want to bring up such antics discreetly. Keep ties firm but not too tight, and the golden rule is if you are going to play rough, have a safe word so even if you are role playing and pretending to hate what she is doing to do you, if at any time you become uncomfortable and actually do want to stop, you can say the magic word and she’ll let you go.

Playing dress up

Naughty knickers spice up your sex life. I’m not talking about a pair of black and red frillies here; I’m talking about proper dress ups. Maid or nurse outfits, male and female stripper outfits, policeman and fireman uniforms, anything your combined imaginations can conjure up. Ask her to pick a fantasy man for you to dress up as, and then you get to do the same with her. It’s loads of fun and gives you both the opportunity to safely delve a little deeper into your fantasy worlds.

Some Tips

  • Don’t: Rush into it. Sometimes a girl has to talk about her fantasy for months and months before she feels ready and willing to actually try it.
  • Don’t: Suggest something energetic when you both don’t have much energy, like after a big day at work or during an emotionally stressful time.
  • Don’t: Try to push her out of her comfort zone and don’t let her do the same to you. Trying new things is all well and good, but being coerced into something you are not comfortable with is damaging.
  • Do: Make an effort with the atmosphere. Depending on what you’re trying out, pay attention to your surroundings and whether they provide the best atmosphere for the mood you’re going for. Make the atmosphere conducive to new and interesting things.
  • Do: Make an effort with your appearance. If you want to get your girlfriend to try something new, you need to keep your end of the bargain and keep yourself well-groomed. That way she won’t feel like she’s the one making all of the effort.

Try something new

There are so many new things to try out when it comes to your sex life, even if you think you’ve tried it all, try it again, in a different color, with a different flavor or in a different place. If you feel like you aren’t getting the most out of your sexual adventures due to shyness, be brave! Be suggestive, talk about things you would both like to do; you will be surprised at what comes out. Don’t ever forget that the best sex comes to those who communicate.

How To Have Sex Outdoors In The Middle Of Winter

Originally posted on *Ask Men
Written by Lindsay Tigar

When you fantasize about getting it on with your girl outside, you imagine sexy beaches or long road trips that lead to hot and steamy action. You’re probably not thinking about having hot sex in the dead of the winter, when blue balls isn’t just an analogy, but a reality.

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But before you settle for boring only-in-the-bedroom sexcapes until spring is here, take a note from a few sex experts who swear that sometimes that steamiest sex is actually had when it’s freezing.

To Be Honest, It Can Be Complicated
Unlike with warmer temperatures, the colder climate can cause a lot of normally easy things to go wrong. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin warns, “Being cold makes it hard to get an erection, and the frigid air can dry up vaginal lubrication. Plus, you can get frostbite on other areas of your body if you’re distracted by the sex you’re having!” However, part of the fun of getting it on in the winter is that you have to work together to create a novel experience for the both of you. So what’s the trick to keeping it sexy? Marin says to think practical — and no pun intended — as easy as possible: “The best thing to do is keep as many of your clothes on as possible. Wear a skirt with crotchless tights or leggings, to give him easy access,” she says. “He can simply pull his penis through his fly without having to completely undress.” If you need a bit of liquid courage, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, clinical sexologist, author and therapist suggests taking a shot of peppermint schnapps or Fireball to warm you up before the act.

Get Creative With Location
An easy idea for your first chilly sex adventure is to make it part of a winter vacation. “Do activities to increase blood circulation like cross-country skiing or snowshoeing to whatever location you choose,” Dr. Kirk advises. Then after you have your heart racing, sneak off into a location off the main slopes and have a quickie. If winter sports aren’t really your thing, opt for an outdoor hot tub, suggests Marin. “The juxtaposition of the hot water with the cold air is incredibly exciting,” she says. Or make an outdoor fire pit in your backyard and pull over lawn chairs. Then she can straddle you while the flames get higher and warmer. Another awesome option? Your car. Pull over in a place where you’ll be secluded and turn off the heat so you can challenge each other to steam up the windows just with your own friction.

Make Sure You’re Safe
There are many, many places and ways to get in an orgasm in the winter, even outdoors. But all experts agree — make the sex fast and dirty, and keep an eye out for signs of frostbite. Dr. Kirk also suggests never going out too far away from the main road, especially in snowy or icy conditions. Dress as warm as you can and keep your clothes off only for a short period of time. You can always continue the action inside, if you’re both really turned on. But another thing all experts also agree on? It is worth a shot: “The cold against your body can force your nipples to constrict and your skin to goose dimple, creating brand new sensations,” Dr. Kirk says. “Plus you have bragging rights when it comes to outdoor sex in freezing weather.”

Mutual Masturbation: How to Still Have Sex When You’re Exhausted!

We’ve all been there. Long days at work, meetings that never seem to end, grocery lists that need taking care of – and of course, your beautiful, supportive and wonderful partner also wants to be tended to, and by the way, so do you! So what happens when you’re both absolutely exhausted, but still have a fire lit inside of you?

A great way to connect with your partner and yourself is mutual masturbation. Guys LOVE seeing a girl give herself pleasure, and what better (and more effective) way is there to get some when you’re oh-so-tired?  It can be close, wet and slow, or hot and fast.  Either way, mutual masturbation is a great way to get in touch with yourself and your body, which is always a turn-on for him.

Here are some great ways to get you and your partner prepped for your satisfaction guaranteed session:

  • Start with a shower to get relaxed, clean, and in the mood for each other.  Want to up the ante by lathering each other up? Score. Get him nice and excited for you. Kissing and massaging in the shower always works to get the engines started.
  • Get into bed first, while he’s drying off, and have some lube ready. Start caressing and pleasuring yourself in a way that is most pleasing to you. Make sure you have enough lube on your hand for him as well. Feel free to start stroking his cock while you stroke and rub yourself in front of him.
  • Try lying back from time to time, and let him take over; just relax and receive. Letting him turn you on and help you to climax may be all he needs to get going and reach orgasm as well.
  • Make sure you include some spooning, cuddling, and kissing.  If there are sexual hot spots – like nipples, or playing with his balls – tease them while your partner is pleasuring himself. Have him hold you close while you’re masturbating as well. These are always sure-fire ways to ignite the sexual fire, and maintain intimacy during your mutual masturbation session.

Also, keep these things in mind when you’re initiating a mutual masturbation session:

  • Always check in with your partner. A simple touch on the leg, backrub, or kiss on the back of the neck can help get things going.
  • Your lover may be just as tired and exhausted, but still hot and bothered, as you are. Remember that you know them, and they know you! You know how to turn each other on. Use what you know, and keep communicating, to help your partner get where they need to go. You might also find out a new spot that turns him on, or a new way to please him manually or orally later, when you’re watching him take care of himself.
  • Be your confident, sexy, alluring self. That means sometimes, it might not result in anything more than falling asleep in each other’s arms before orgasm. But remember – once you and your partner wake up from your nap, you’ll both be stimulated from your earlier play, which will just extend your lovemaking session! Languish in the sweet bliss of napping and pick up where you left off once you’re awake.

There will always be time for sex, even if it’s not penetrative or acrobatic. The important thing is to remember your connection, and how much your partner turns you on, even when the days are too long, the laundry piles are too high, and the boss’ demands are never-ending.

The sexiest thing at the end of the day is trust, communication, and intimacy. Have fun, experiment, and get cozy with your lover!

xo,

jd

For Immediate Release | jessica drake Named Official Sex Educator For Adult DVD Empire.com

JANUARY 5, 2012 – LOS ANGELES CA – Emerging sexual wellness authority and adult entertainment superstar jessica drake is the official sex educator for Adult DVD Empire.com. The popular adult entertainment e-tail site is launching “Ask jessica drake Anything,” a place for members of its vast online community to submit questions about sex, love and relationships. Each month, the Wicked Pictures contract star will select ten questions and post her answers on the site. In addition to receiving jessica’s advice, the authors of the questions will each receive complete sets of the “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” educational DVD series.

To submit questions to “Ask jessica drake Anything,” fans are encouraged to visit her official online column, located at http://www.adultdvdempire.com/pm/ask_jessica_drake.aspx .

AdultDVDEmpire.com Director of Marketing Courtney Arthur states, “We feel very lucky to have jessica drake join our team in her new role as the official sex educator of Adult DVD Empire. jessica drake has always been a favorite here, and I know both our male and female customers are going to jump at the chance to get her expert insight and opinion on their sex and relationship questions.”

“It’s a huge honor for me to be the exclusive sex educator for Adult DVD Empire.com,” says jessica drake. “The site has always been supportive of my movies, and I am thrilled they are interested in becoming involved in the educational aspect of my career as well. I look forward to sharing advice with their community and hope both I and my series, ‘jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex,’ may be of help.”

Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is receiving excellent reviews. The critics at XBIZ rave about the franchise, praising jessica’s unique ability to “connect with people through her friendly and personal approach” and dubbing the series “the steamiest instructional line on the market!” AVN’s Heather Namikoshi writes, “The overall tone for the female viewer is calming and accepting, and drake does a good job at creating a safe learning space within the production. The demonstrations are good and shot well to instruct newbies in various techniques…” Gawker Media’s Fleshbot is equally laudatory of jessica, crediting her with bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” new voice to the sexual self-help genre.

Volumes in “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” include “Fellatio,” “Anal,” and “Positions.” A fourth installment, “Female Masturbation,” has been completed and will be released on January 25, 2012.

“jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” is honored with 6 nominations for the 2012 AVN Awards, including Best New Series. “Fellatio,” “Anal,” and “Positions” are each nominated for Best Educational Release, while “Fellatio” received nominations for Best Oral Release and Best Oral Sex Scene (Bobbi Starr).

In addition to creating this exclusive line of educational DVDs and her position as the official sex educator for Adult DVD Empire.com, jessica assists men and women in becoming more sexually aware with Sex for the Wicked Woman, a series of powerful and engaging self-help seminars illuminated by her expertise and passion for research.

Sex Education Just Got Sexy℠  

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The best way to be a better lover is to love yourself, and that’s exactly what you’ll do, with the help of this DVD. In jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex – Female Masturbation, you’ll find the keys to unlocking the big O.

 

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Bored in bed? Looking to spice things up for both you AND your partner? Then you’ve come to the right place! I’m jessica drake, and in this Guide to Wicked Sex, we’ll explore everything you need to know to turn some basic positions into something even more satisfying. Learn how to change things up and enrich your sex life…get closer and more intimate with your partner… and experience deeper orgasms. Give me 90 minutes of your time, and I’ll teach you some techniques that will make your toes curl and rock your lover’s world!

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Open your erotic potential with the help of this exciting, informative, and groundbreaking production. jessica drake takes a candid look at how men and women really feel about fellatio. With the help of three couples, youll see demonstrations that include basic positions, tips, technique, deep throating and even exploring the prostate. You can also watch with or without narration to help you improve on your own technique! So dont be shy, its time to discover the Wicked woman inside of youand with jessicas guide to fellatio, youll blow his mind and more!

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