Will Sleeping With Him Too Soon Sabotage Your Shot At Love?

Originally posted on *Your Tango

Jumping in the sack too quickly might send the wrong message.

New relationships are exciting, and there’s big temptation to jump in the sack right off the bat.

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But both conventional wisdom and experience show that having sex too soon increases the likelihood of ruining a potential relationship. Yet if you’ve fallen into the sticky trap of sleeping with someone too soon, even knowing that it’s not in your best interest, you may have:

  • Gotten caught up in the moment
  • Mistaken sexual chemistry for more than what it is
  • Craved intimacy
  • Had sex for validation after a break up or a dry spell
  • Used sex as leverage
  • Felt pressured and wanted to please the guy
  • Believed you could have a no-strings-attached relationship, only to later want a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship
  • Thought you were the exception

Having sex too soon is actually fine — just make sure that both of you have the same understanding about the nature of your relationship. But if you want a real, long term and committed relationship, having sex too soon sends the wrong signal to the guys you date.

What Happens After Having Sex With A Guy Too Soon
Hollywood movies perpetuate the fairytale version of having sex too soon — girl meets boy, they have sex early on, something happens to tear them apart, and then boy comes back for girl.

In these fantasy movies, one-night stands become real relationships. We buy into the fantasy that having premature sex doesn’t ruin a relationship when real life consistently shows us otherwise.

Are you thinking, “But I know a woman who has slept with a guy early on, and she’s now married to him!”

Yes, it is possible to have sex with a guy too soon and have it turn into a lasting relationship. But this is the exception, and it’s important to recognize that.

When you presume you’re the exception, you do a disservice to yourself. It’s in your best interest to act like you’re the rule, and be pleasantly surprised if things work out differently.

Having sex too soon and hoping it will lead to a commitment is trading short-term urges for long-term desires. When a guy acts on his biological urge and you perceive it as love, feelings of doubt and confusion will set in.

You may ask yourself “Did I do the right or wrong thing?” or “Where do I stand with this guy?”

If you like him a lot, you’ll behave and act in unflattering and desperate ways. Your self-esteem will take a hit because you’ll have compromised your values and integrity to get him to desire you on a deeper level. In hindsight, these will be some of your most cringe-worthy moments.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s okay. The more important thing is to learn and grow from these experiences.

What You Can Do To Keep His Interest — Instead Of Having Sex Too Soon
Don’t let a man who just wants to have sex with you pressure you into sleeping with him early on. It doesn’t make him a bad guy if he wants to have sex with you — he is just being a guy, and many women let him get away with it.

Don’t be a woman who has sex with a guy thinking that physicality will keep his interest. Most men seek sex for the immediate physical gratification.

Here’s the good news: the beauty of being a woman is helping him see sex as more than a physical sensation. Set the pace by having sex only when you feel comfortable and ready.

Setting the pace isn’t about playing games. It’s about knowing what you want (i.e. a real relationship), then behaving and acting in ways that align with what you desire. If there’s a guy you’re interested in, let him woo you.

Take the time to learn about each other. Discover what his values are, the kind of relationships he has with family and friends, how he views his job, life, and the world, why previous relationships haven’t worked out, etc.

Let him learn who you are, what you’re about, what you love and what’s most important to you.

If he wants to have sex before you’re ready, and the thought of being intimate with him appeals to you, you can acknowledge what he wants by saying something like, “I like who you are and want to continue to learn more about you.

If things keep going in this direction, I can definitely see us being intimate.” If a guy doesn’t stick around because you’re not having sex when he wants it, he is not the one for you.

A high quality man who really likes you will respect your wishes and wait for you.

The Ideal Time For Having Sex With A Guy
So when should you sleep with a guy? Aone-size-fits-all answer does not exist. However, here are signs that point to the ideal time for having sex with a potential partner.

  • You connect on many levels
  • You feel good about yourself when you’re around him
  • You like who he is
  • You respect him
  • He treats you with respect
  • He does what he says he’s going to do
  • He’s not having sex with anyone else
  • There are no exes or women from the past in the picture
  • You both want the same kind of relationship
  • He is the kind of man you could see being in a real relationship with
  • Sex feels like the next natural progression
  • If you have sex, despite what happens, you’ll have no regrets

Ultimately, having sex too soon rarely turns dates into a relationship. Send the right signals to guys you date by slowing things down until you learn you’re truly compatible. When the time is right, the sex you have will be meaningful and more fulfilling on multiple levels.

Remember, a high quality man will respect your wishes and wait until you are ready to have sex. When do you think it’s ideal to have sex with a guy? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you’re frustrated and tired about not being successful in love, get your free Monthly Guide to Love. You’ll receive insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices that support your journey to love.

The Number One Secret to Great Sex in Happy Marriages

Originally posted on *Brides.com
Written by Fawn Weaver

The secret to great sex in happy marriages is not some mind-blowing sexual position. Rather it’s much simpler: honesty.

We’ve done it all, seen it all, and now it’s a matter of perfecting it and that can take time, practice and honesty. Unfortunately, for many women, faking an orgasm is more comfortable than simply being truthful when sex falls short of expectations.

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When it comes to happy marriages, however, trust is one of the most important things. Whether you realize it or not, faking an orgasm breaks down that trust. It is the same as lying. Albeit maybe with good intentions, but a good-intentioned lie is still a lie.

So how do you break the habit of giving an Oscar-worthy performances when your man says lights, camera, action? Here are three ways to get you started:

1. Tell him over a glass of wine Pick a time when sex is not on his mind or yours. When you’re just relaxing. Not stressed. This is important with such a touchy topic.

2. Try the hot/cold gameThe reality is some women don’t even know how to help their man please them. Our bodies are like a combination lock and for many of us, we don’t know the combo. So like Charlize Theron in The Italian Job, you might need to figure it out by touch. Allow him to kiss you in every area possible and see where your touch points are.

3. Remove the pressure to get this perfect tonight When you said I do, you said so until the end of time, right? Then let him know you’re committed to taking the time together to learn what blows his mind — and yours! Exploring your body is a lifelong process. What makes you scream (in a good way) today might put you to sleep tomorrow. Your body is constantly changing and admitting that will allow him to please you more often (and those orgasms will be for real this time).

The good news is great sex is not what creates a happy marriage. For my book, Happy Wives Club, I traveled the world interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to discover their secrets. Guess what? Sex didn’t make the list. Not even close.

Why? Because when you are doing the most important things to make your marriage great outside of the bedroom, mind-blowing sex will naturally occur inside the bedroom (or on the kitchen counters, in the bathtub, in the closet — you get the picture).

The 3 Most Common Sex Problems Newlyweds Face

Originally posted on *Brides.com
Written by Jillian Kramer

Think you’ve got sex down-pat? Think again. Because just because you’ve been doing it for years — or perfected the art of going down below — doesn’t mean you still don’t have a thing or two to learn. In fact, there are a few common problems almost all newlyweds suffer from when it comes to sex. And chances are, you could be one of them.

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According to psychologist and author of The Men on My Couch, Stories of Sex, Love, and Psychotherapy Dr. Brandy Engler, newlyweds should focus on these three problem areas to ensure they keep their sex life satisfactory.

Timing: It’s not unusual for a husband to want to get busy in the morning while his new wife prefers to take things slow at night. “Or she wants to have sex on a Sunday afternoon, while he just wants to watch the football game,” Engler says.

Solution: “We live in a culture that tells us we’re supposed to be super sexual all the time — but that’s not the reality for most couples,” she says. “However, couples should consider shorter sexual encounters during the week — think 15 minutes — and encounters that aren’t necessarily intercourse. Kissing, touching, oral sex, keep connections going.”

Packed schedules: “Our daily routines often don’t leave room for sex,” Engler explains. “Most couples are sure to make room for work, exercise or certain social activities, but refuse to think about sex as a scheduled activity.” While people desire spontaneous sex — the kind that takes place on the kitchen floor — “our lives don’t really allow for sexual energy to brew because we tend to exhaust ourselves by the end of the day,” says Engler.

Solution: Sexualize each other around the house. “Think little flirtations — grabs, kisses, whispers in the ear about what will be done later,” says Engler. “These things need to happen in a non-demand manner, meaning they don’t lead to intercourse right there on the spot.”

Expectations about frequency: “A new husband might think they ‘should’ have sex once a day, while his wife things once per week is perfect,” Engler says. “Differing expectations can really set people up to think their relationship is failing — or for the higher sex drive partner to feel rejected, angry and resentful.”

Solution: Remind your husband, in an encouraging way, that you’re not a microwave.”Men’s desire works quickly, and women make the mistake of thinking ours should work that way, too,” Engler explains. “Then we have performance anxiety when we try to hurry up and get as turned on as he is.” Tell your husband exactly how your desire works, and you’ll both have a better experience.

8 Things Married Couples Are Doing Wrong in Bed

Originally posted on *Brides.com

It’s no secret that your sex life can change after you’ve been married for a while, but you might be doing little things that affect your sex life without even realizing it. Brides details eight things that married couples are doing wrong, from getting stuck in routines to not being vocal about what they want.

“A healthy sex life is a key ingredient to a happy, loving, and lasting marriage,” says sex expert Nikki Ransom-Alfred. Yet, “after the excitement of the wedding day and settling into marriage, couples will often find that the quantity and quality of sex will take a downturn.” So what’s a married couple to do? Check out these eight things you’re likely doing wrong without even knowing it, and have fun correcting the problems beginning tonight!

You’re not doing the deed often enough.

“Sex is how you express love and desire for each other, and connects the two of you on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level,” Ransom-Alfred says. What’s more, when you orgasm, your brain releases dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin — the love hormone — that keeps you crazy about your guy. “Discuss with your partner how often he would like to have sex and then see how you two can compromise so that all parties are satisfied,” Ransom-Alfred suggests. Hint: The more often, the merrier you both will be.

You’re not openly discussing what you want.

“Couples are often embarrassed to discuss sex with each other, even though they have it with each other,” explains Ransom-Alfred. “Some are nervous to talk about their wants and desires for fear of being judged or turned down by the other.” Start by telling your significant other that discussion about sex and sexual desires are a safe zone. Then, “talk with each other about sex acts that you’ve always wanted to try, new sex positions, what turns you on, what turns you off, and more,” Ransom-Alfred says. “This will only enhance your sex life together and enhance your marriage overall.”

You’re playing it safe — and repetitive — when it comes to sex.

“It’s common to become so comfortable in our relationship that we neglect that we need to keep our sex lives new, fresh and exciting,” says Ransom-Alfred. “Marriage is forever, and you can’t expect to have the same kind of sex for the rest of your lives. You will indeed get bored in the bedroom and that spells trouble for the marriage.” Ransom-Alfred suggests cracking open the Kama Sutra for inspiration and new positions you could try.

You’re wearing your sweats to bed.

“We definitely need to keep it sexy in the bedroom, whether we’ve been married for two months or two decades,” insists Ransom-Alfred. “Taking the time to be appealing for your partner shows them that you really care about them, about looking good for them and about your marriage.” Make it a habit to slip into something silky when you get under the sheets. “Or wear one of his T-shirts to bed if that’s what he finds sexy,” she says. Of course, you can also go naked, too, and we doubt your husband will complain!

You’re not taking your time with foreplay.

“Discuss foreplay with your partner and ask what they like, what really gets them hot and also how long he wants foreplay,” suggests Ransom-Alfred. “Sexiness starts in the mind, so foreplay should begin well before taking your clothes off.”

You’re not spontaneous enough.

“Sex does not always have to be at night, nor does it always have to be in the bedroom,” Ransom-Alfred says. “Keep things spontaneous by surprising your partner with a sex session in the morning, in the shower while you two are getting ready, or the middle of the day.” Another tip to keep things extra-hot? “Call your spouse right before lunch and have them meet you at home for a quickie!” she suggests.

You’re not making your bedroom a pleasant place to make love.

“Many couples do not realize it, but the decor in your room will have either a positive or negative effect on your mood,” explains Ransom-Alfred. “If your bedroom looks bland and boring, you will feel the same when you enter it. Your bedroom is your sensual space, so you want to feel sensual when you walk inside of it.” Up the sex factor in your personal space by investing in fresh flowers, scented candles and plush pillows that beckon for romance.

You’re not showing enough non-sexual affection.

“While a slap on the bottom or a sexual grope is hot, be sure to still show your partner affection and love in non-sexual ways such as hugging, massaging and holding them,” advises Ransom-Alfred. That kind of physical love and affection translates outside the bedroom, and lasts until your next sex session. “The more loved a spouse feels, the more open he or she will be sexually.”

The Pill Remains Most Common Method of Birth Control

Originally posted on *U.S. News & World Health
Written by Tara Haelle

The pill remains one of the most popular methods of birth control for women, along with female sterilization and condoms, a new report shows.

Among the two-thirds of women aged 15 to 44 who used birth control between 2011 and 2013, approximately 16 percent used the pill.

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Female sterilization, where women have their fallopian tubes closed or blocked, was used by 15.5 percent of women, while 9.4 percent used male condoms, according to the report published Dec. 11 by the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS).

But intrauterine devices (IUDs) and implants, both types of long-acting reversible contraceptives, are close on the heels of these other forms of birth control, with 7.2 percent of women using them.

“Use of long-acting reversible contraceptives is becoming more popular,” said report author Kimberly Daniels, of the NCHS. Their use has nearly doubled since the last report on findings from five years earlier, when approximately 3.8 percent of women were using them, Daniels said.

The most popular long-acting reversible contraception is the IUD, used by 3.5 percent of women in 2006 to 2010 and by 6.4 percent of women in 2011 to 2013, according to Daniels. The IUDs available in the United States include two hormonal versions, Mirena and Skyla, and one containing copper, ParaGard.

This increase in long-acting reversible contraception has followed changes in guidelines by leading health care organizations that now recommend their use to younger women and those without children, said Laura Lindberg, a senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute.

When IUDs came out years ago, there were concerns they might raise the risk of pelvic infection and jeopardize a woman’s fertility. But IUDs currently on the market don’t carry those risks, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

The academy now recommends these contraception devices as the first option for teens.

But Lindberg added that they do not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

“Currently, male and female condoms are the only methods on the market that prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections,” Lindberg said. “Until such time as other options become available, continuing to promote and support the use of these methods, either alone or in conjunction with a hormonal method, is critical to reducing the risk of STIs.”

Studies have shown that long-acting reversible contraceptive methods are more effective than the pill, patch or ring, even in young women, according to Dr. Vanessa Cullins, vice president for external medical affairs at Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

“They’re a great birth control option if you want to preserve your fertility — you think you may want kids in the future but not right now — but also desire long-term, highly effective pregnancy prevention,” Cullins said. “Their very low failure rates are because women who use them do not have to remember to do anything before sex, or daily or monthly or even every three months — once it’s been inserted, you can pretty much forget about it.”

The report found condom use to be similar, about 9 percent, across whites, blacks and Hispanics, but other contraceptive forms showed differences across various race/ethnicity groups.

Female sterilization, for example, was higher among black women, at 21 percent, than it was in white women, at 14 percent. But use of the pill by white women, at 19 percent, was almost double the use by Hispanic (11 percent) and black women (10 percent).

The reason for these differences relates to health care access, Cullins said.

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“We know that black and Hispanic women are less likely to have access to regular affordable health care, less likely to have insurance, and access to contraception is part of that,” Cullins said. “Cost is a huge barrier. When a woman has to make a choice between her birth control and feeding her kids, birth control is going to get short shrift.”

Similarly, until the Affordable Care Act, uninsured women only qualified for insurance while pregnant or immediately postpartum, leading many to opt for sterilization while the health insurance was available to pay for it as a contraception method, Cullins said.

This situation applies to differences seen in educational levels as well: 27 percent of women with only a high school diploma or G.E.D. were using sterilization, compared to 10 percent of women with a bachelor’s degree or higher.

“This is one of the many reasons that the Affordable Care Act is so important,” Cullins said. “Because of the ACA’s birth control benefit, millions more women have access to no-copay birth control, so cost is no longer a barrier.”

Cullins said the popularity of the pill is predominantly due to familiarity — it has been around longer than most other methods — and pharmaceutical company marketing. But she said it’s important to recognize that women’s birth control needs change over time, so they need to pick the method that best fits their lives.

“Women who use a birth control method that fits their needs are more likely to prevent pregnancy because they are more likely to continue using their method,” Cullins said. “The easier it is for women to prevent unintended pregnancies, the better they are able to plan their futures, start their families when they’re ready, have healthy relationships with their life partners and take care of their health — and that’s good for all of us.”

More information

Visit the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for more on contraception.

How to Discover the Dirty Things Your Girl Wants To Do In Bed

Originally posted on *Ask Men

People in relationships often don’t ask each other to do certain things simply because they are too shy to bring it up. This goes for both guys and girls: We fear that our partners might think we are a bit too weird.

Your girlfriend could be into some pretty wild stuff, but she might be worried that you’ll think she’s perverted or that it is out of her nature. And you most likely have the desire to try something new, but you might fear she’ll think you’re a freak or a weirdo or — worst of all — unmanly. The thing is, a few lewd (but tactful) suggestions can go a long way, so don’t be afraid to be brave sometimes. Of course, some things are going to be completely out of the question for you or her, but this is something you can discuss: Where and what are your limits? What would you do, and definitely not do? Communication is always the best pathway to the best sex of your life, so get talkin’!

To get you inspired, this article will provide you with a list of naughty things many girls are secretly into. Don’t be shy to ask her if she has fantasized or thought about trying one of the acts listed below. But before you try something new in the bedroom, you need to break the routine patterns that dominate your relationship on every level.

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Break the routine

Before you try out your “new thing,” break the spell of routine outside of your sex life by doing something nonroutine together. For example, if you come home and watch TV for three hours together every night, go for a walk for an hour and get some ice cream instead. If it’s too cold for that, play a game of cards. You get the drift; it doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure you haven’t done it for the past 30 days straight. Breaking the cycles in your lives will leave you both open to fresh thoughts and actions in the bedroom.

This is great for your relationship anyway, as no one likes to do the same thing week in and week out. Life can be long and boring enough as it is without encouraging your own closest relationship to become stale. Appreciate each other by showing interest in different activities, and you will hopefully be rewarded with an open mind and body when you pop the question about trying one of the sexual activities listed below.

Having sex in a public place

Having sex in a public place is a huge turn-on for many women because it’s just so naughty. Public doesn’t mean “right out on the street in front of everyone to see”; it generally means somewhere discreet, but very much in the public domain. From cars to public toilets to the library, the possibilities are endless… a park, an alleyway, a crowded bus… all these places offer the thrill of debauchery, but you can do it without anyone really actually knowing what you are doing. If you do get caught, the giggles will be worth it unless, of course, you get arrested! Even so, you can add your mug shots to your photo album.

The key to having sex in public is to keep it decent. This means wearing appropriate clothing for easy access, and keeping the huffs, puffs and squeals down. Your thrills may not thrill too many other people.

If you think your girl is not into anal, you could be wrong…

Anal sex

Despite living in the 21st century, many people are still afraid of anal sex — this includes men. With the right care taken and plenty of lube, anal sex can be extremely pleasurable and fun. Even though it’s had its taboo pass revoked in recent years due to popular demand, not everyone has tried it… or tried it and liked it.

The anal area has millions of nerve endings within its fine walls, and you can even have anal orgasms. The sensation is different to vaginal sex, so it provides a pleasant change when you want to try something new.

The male G-spot (prostate gland) is in the anal canal, and there are special tools (prostate massagers) you can use to provoke what is commonly referred to as “the super O.” Whole body orgasms are possible, which stem not from the penis, but from the abdomen and prostate, ricocheting through the body; a deeply moving experience,  if you are keen on trying one.

Filming it

Making your own dirty sex tape can be a very sexy way to spend intimate time with your lover. It takes a bit of courage to do this, but it will provide much quality material later on for fantasies. It does take a reasonable dose of trust, so use your scruples, and don’t abuse her faith — that means don’t show your mates, don’t sell it on the internet (or give it away for free!) and don’t tell anyone without prior permission.

It is easy enough to get out your video phone these days and do a bit of amateur filming at the blink of an eye, so make use of new technologies. It doesn’t have to be a fully set up porn scene, just film yourselves together doing something you both like, then you can look at it later when you need a hand…

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Going to a strip club together

This is a brave step for many women, but today’s wonderfully modern woman doesn’t want to be a prude, so your girl may just be delighted if you asked her to come along to a strip club. It doesn’t have to be with all your drooling, horny mates (safety in numbers), just you and your girl checking it out together.

Women really do love to admire other women’s beautiful bodies, and we all wish to Venus that we could dance like that. Yes women envy other women, but on the whole, it is an arousing and attractive experience for a female to watch other females being sexy. All that bare, naked flesh and beautiful lingerie… just keep your hands to yourself, and make sure you pay your girl sufficient attention like a gentleman should.

You are not out with your mates, so don’t act like it. She’ll be paying attention to how you gaze at the girls, so try to keep cool and put more of your focus on your girlfriend.

Experimenting with light bondage

Being tied up is erotic because it begins a power game. If you tie me up, you have the power. If I tie you up, I have the power. Bondage doesn’t have to be whips and chains and gimp masks, it can be as simple as knotting her panties around her wrists with the bed post in between so she is at your mercy.

Sheets and underwear do nicely. You don’t need any fancy rope or handcuffs — though these are always nice and they make a suggestive gift if you want to bring up such antics discreetly. Keep ties firm but not too tight, and the golden rule is if you are going to play rough, have a safe word so even if you are role playing and pretending to hate what she is doing to do you, if at any time you become uncomfortable and actually do want to stop, you can say the magic word and she’ll let you go.

Playing dress up

Naughty knickers spice up your sex life. I’m not talking about a pair of black and red frillies here; I’m talking about proper dress ups. Maid or nurse outfits, male and female stripper outfits, policeman and fireman uniforms, anything your combined imaginations can conjure up. Ask her to pick a fantasy man for you to dress up as, and then you get to do the same with her. It’s loads of fun and gives you both the opportunity to safely delve a little deeper into your fantasy worlds.

Some Tips

  • Don’t: Rush into it. Sometimes a girl has to talk about her fantasy for months and months before she feels ready and willing to actually try it.
  • Don’t: Suggest something energetic when you both don’t have much energy, like after a big day at work or during an emotionally stressful time.
  • Don’t: Try to push her out of her comfort zone and don’t let her do the same to you. Trying new things is all well and good, but being coerced into something you are not comfortable with is damaging.
  • Do: Make an effort with the atmosphere. Depending on what you’re trying out, pay attention to your surroundings and whether they provide the best atmosphere for the mood you’re going for. Make the atmosphere conducive to new and interesting things.
  • Do: Make an effort with your appearance. If you want to get your girlfriend to try something new, you need to keep your end of the bargain and keep yourself well-groomed. That way she won’t feel like she’s the one making all of the effort.

Try something new

There are so many new things to try out when it comes to your sex life, even if you think you’ve tried it all, try it again, in a different color, with a different flavor or in a different place. If you feel like you aren’t getting the most out of your sexual adventures due to shyness, be brave! Be suggestive, talk about things you would both like to do; you will be surprised at what comes out. Don’t ever forget that the best sex comes to those who communicate.

How To Have Sex Outdoors In The Middle Of Winter

Originally posted on *Ask Men
Written by Lindsay Tigar

When you fantasize about getting it on with your girl outside, you imagine sexy beaches or long road trips that lead to hot and steamy action. You’re probably not thinking about having hot sex in the dead of the winter, when blue balls isn’t just an analogy, but a reality.

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But before you settle for boring only-in-the-bedroom sexcapes until spring is here, take a note from a few sex experts who swear that sometimes that steamiest sex is actually had when it’s freezing.

To Be Honest, It Can Be Complicated
Unlike with warmer temperatures, the colder climate can cause a lot of normally easy things to go wrong. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin warns, “Being cold makes it hard to get an erection, and the frigid air can dry up vaginal lubrication. Plus, you can get frostbite on other areas of your body if you’re distracted by the sex you’re having!” However, part of the fun of getting it on in the winter is that you have to work together to create a novel experience for the both of you. So what’s the trick to keeping it sexy? Marin says to think practical — and no pun intended — as easy as possible: “The best thing to do is keep as many of your clothes on as possible. Wear a skirt with crotchless tights or leggings, to give him easy access,” she says. “He can simply pull his penis through his fly without having to completely undress.” If you need a bit of liquid courage, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, clinical sexologist, author and therapist suggests taking a shot of peppermint schnapps or Fireball to warm you up before the act.

Get Creative With Location
An easy idea for your first chilly sex adventure is to make it part of a winter vacation. “Do activities to increase blood circulation like cross-country skiing or snowshoeing to whatever location you choose,” Dr. Kirk advises. Then after you have your heart racing, sneak off into a location off the main slopes and have a quickie. If winter sports aren’t really your thing, opt for an outdoor hot tub, suggests Marin. “The juxtaposition of the hot water with the cold air is incredibly exciting,” she says. Or make an outdoor fire pit in your backyard and pull over lawn chairs. Then she can straddle you while the flames get higher and warmer. Another awesome option? Your car. Pull over in a place where you’ll be secluded and turn off the heat so you can challenge each other to steam up the windows just with your own friction.

Make Sure You’re Safe
There are many, many places and ways to get in an orgasm in the winter, even outdoors. But all experts agree — make the sex fast and dirty, and keep an eye out for signs of frostbite. Dr. Kirk also suggests never going out too far away from the main road, especially in snowy or icy conditions. Dress as warm as you can and keep your clothes off only for a short period of time. You can always continue the action inside, if you’re both really turned on. But another thing all experts also agree on? It is worth a shot: “The cold against your body can force your nipples to constrict and your skin to goose dimple, creating brand new sensations,” Dr. Kirk says. “Plus you have bragging rights when it comes to outdoor sex in freezing weather.”

6 Insane Sex Myths (That Are Actually True)

*Originally posted on *Cracked

When that one kid back in high school told us that he’d heard that you could get pregnant from blow jobs or that the chlorine in hot tubs means you can’t catch STDs, we were smart enough to call bullshit. But it turns out that we probably shouldn’t have been so quick to laugh and tell him what a virgin he was, because some of those ridiculous sex myths turned out to be terrifyingly close to the truth. For example …

#6. Yes, the Dude Can Break His Penis (You Can Even Hear it Snap!)

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The Myth:

“See how that lady is violently bouncing up and down on that guy’s boner in this porn we’re watching together for some reason? You need to be careful doing that — if she lands wrong, she can absolutely break his penis. I totally know a guy that happened to! They had to put his dick in a little cast! I signed it!”

The Truth:

Come on! That can’t be true, right? It’s not like a boner has an actual bone in it.

No, but there are two cylinders of tissue that become rigid during an erection, and if she lands on it wrong, it can break, with “an audible cracking sound.”

And strangely, this is more likely to happen when a man is cheating, according to University of Maryland Medical Center researcher Dr. Andrew Kramer, who studies penile fractures (and incidentally has by far the worst job in the world). Kramer’s research shows that when a man is having an affair, he’s more likely to end up with a sharp 90 degree bend in his Mini-Me. He reasoned that illicit sex is more likely to happen in unusual ways or places — the guy is trying to impress her, after all — and it’s awkward positions and “acrobatic” sex that create the most danger to his brittle love stick.

Incidentally, if this ever happens to you or someone you love, yes, you need to seek medical attention immediately. Fixing a break probably requires surgery. If you’re embarrassed, just emphasize to the doctor how acrobatic the sex was.

#5. You Can Totally Get Your Junk Stuck Together During Sex

gtws_stuck

The Myth:

“I heard from a friend of a friend about this guy who was banging some married chick. The husband came home without warning, and the dude tried to pull out and run away, but he couldn’t. He was stuck. Inside her.

The Truth:

It sounds like the dumbest of the sex horror urban legends, but sometimes even the dumbest stories have a kernel of truth to them. In this case, it’s a rarely documented but not unknown phenomenon called penis captivus. You don’t need to be fluent in Latin to guess what that means. For instance, doctors at a British hospital reported a young couple being brought in via ambulance and carried into the emergency room on a single stretcher, as they were stuck together like conjoined twins joined at the genitals. Once inside, they were presumably pried apart with a crowbar, making a kind of cork popping sound when they disengaged.

Legends of people getting their dirty bits stuck inside each other have persisted for centuries, and it was long said that it happened when people did the nasty with someone they shouldn’t, like another man’s wife. Modern medicine dismissed the idea for a long time, chalking it up to a hilarious scary story told to keep people from cheating on their spouses.

But medical science is always trying to discover new horrors for you to have nightmares about, and now experts say all it takes is for the female’s southern regions to clench in such a way as to turn a vagina into a kind of Chinese finger trap. If you would like an illustration, go to YouTube and browse the many, many videos of it happening to dogs:

Or don’t. There are better uses of your time. Anyway, humans aren’t dogs, and when this happens to us, it’s usually only for a few seconds, and then everyone has a good laugh about it. Usually.

#4. Sex Can Cause Blindness

gtws_blind

The Myth:

“Dude, my bro was railing this chick and he busted his nut so hard, he went blind! Said it was totally worth it, though.”

The Truth:

Despite all those crazy liars telling you that masturbation is completely safe, your mom may actually have been right when she told you that flogging the dolphin would make you go blind. Well, kind of. It turns out that it is possible to have an orgasm so aggressive that you straight up lose your vision.

The blindness, known by the terrifying name of amaurosis fugax, usually only lasts for a few minutes before your sight comes back. And, bizarrely, it only happens in one eye, for some reason. When a 52-year-old man started going blind every time he had sex with his wife, he decided he should probably see a doctor. So did a Danish man and a woman from Texas. They made the right choice, because suddenly losing sight while working hard is a classic stroke symptom.

In each case, the blindness was experienced right around the time of orgasm. When given a stress test on a treadmill, the patients were just fine — it was only sex that set off the condition. And it isn’t necessarily a one-time thing. In the case of the 66-year-old Danish guy, he’d been going blind two or three times a week, which is actually kind of admirable when you consider his age and realize he considered his vision less important than poontang.

Doctors aren’t sure why it happens, but it’s theorized that a particular kind of exertion that some people tend to put their bodies through at the point of orgasm can dam the blood vessels in the eye (some of the patients were cured by prescribing them blood-thinning medication to take before sex). You should also note that this is yet another reason not to have sex while driving or flying an aircraft.

#3. Hickeys Can Cause Strokes and Paralysis

gtws_hickey

The Myth:

“That weird kid from history class told me that he gave himself that hickey with a vacuum cleaner to make it look like he had a girlfriend.”

“Holy shit, tell him not to do that, man! I met this kid at camp whose friend did that and died.”

The Truth:

In case you don’t know, a hickey, or love bite, is a sign of affection whereby your partner puts their mouth on your neck and sucks so hard that it leaves a long-lasting mark. Yeah, it’s actually pretty fucking weird when you see it written out like that, but what’s weirder is the fact that it can apparently give you a goddamn stroke, which is even less romantic.

A Maori woman from New Zealand freaked out a little when her left arm suddenly stopped working one day. Needing her arm to do various arm-related things, she decided she should hit up the local ER. When the doctors looked her over, they decided that she’d had a stroke and gave her some blood thinners as part of the standard treatment, although they had no idea what might have caused a healthy woman to stroke out like that.

But then one of them noticed a bruise on her neck right next to a major artery. The woman told them it was a hickey, presumably rolling her eyes at the clueless nerds. But when they examined it closer, they discovered that the woman had been hickeyed so hard that it had bruised a major artery, which clotted to the point of stroke and potential paralysis. Doctors could find no other recorded examples of this happening, although obviously that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened — it’s not like this is the first thing they check for on stroke victims.

#2. Food Allergies Can Be Transmitted Through Semen

gtws_semen

The Myth:

“My hairdresser warned me to be careful, since I’m allergic to peanuts. Her sister’s face swelled up like a balloon when she gave her boyfriend a blow job after he had eaten some trail mix.”

The Truth:

We covered semen allergies before. They’re pretty terrible on their own, what with the baby batter making you swell up and itch or giving you the flu, but the dangers of unprotected sex can be even more subtle than that: It is also possible for food allergies to be triggered by semen if the guy you’re doing the nasty with has recently eaten the thing you’re allergic to.

Just ask the British woman who had what might be the first recorded case of a sexually transmitted allergic reaction. Her boyfriend ate a few handfuls of mixed nuts, but, knowing about his lady friend’s debilitating Brazil nut allergy, he showered and brushed his teeth before making his move. Still, after they finished up, the woman began to experience the tell-tale signs of having ingested nuts, and not the kind of nuts that she thought she’d had in her mouth. After going to the doctor, their fears were confirmed when the doc did one of those skin-prick tests with his nutty semen.

That’s right — in what must have been the most awkward hospital visit of all time, the doctor asked him to eat some Brazil nuts and then rub one out into a vial so that he could smear it on his girlfriend’s arm, at which point he would have been right to ask whether he could check the guy’s medical license.

#1. Cheating on Your Spouse Can Cause Injury or Death

gtws_death

The Myth:

“You’d better be careful if you’re thinking of cheating on that nice girl, because karma will always catch up with you in the end. Death karma.”

The Truth:

We mentioned earlier that boner fractures are more common among unfaithful partners, due to the “Let’s try it on my motorcycle!” nature of the sex they’re having. But it turns out those guys are getting off easy.

People have been spreading urban legends about infidelity causing death since time immemorial. It’s easy to see why — there’s no better way to discourage immoral behavior than to perpetuate a rumor that God will strike you down for it. But surely, as far as biology is concerned, there shouldn’t be anything dangerous about infidelity, because it’s not like nature cares whether you and the person you’re boning have matching rings, right? Well, here’s where things get weird.

Sure, people just stop being alive during sex sometimes. That’s not really news, since TV and movies have been playing the “old man dies on top of his young girlfriend” bit for years. Studies report that roughly 1 percent of sudden deaths happen during some bedroom hanky-panky. But here’s the thing: Of that group of people, almost all of them were cheating on their significant other.

That means that if you’re getting some on the side, you might want to make sure you lay off the pork rinds and go for a jog once in a while. Also, some sad news for cheating d-bags everywhere: The fatalities are almost exclusively dudes. Although they were usually with a much younger woman, so we guess that’s a trade-off you’ve got to choose for yourself.

As you can guess, the logic is similar to the penis breaks — those older guys in full midlife crisis mode are trying to go extra hard, while also feeling the fear of getting caught and the excitement that comes with banging a secretary in their office. That winds up being a little too much for the ol’ ticker (or whatever other organ was the weak link in their system), and before they know it, they’ve humped their way right off the mortal coil. We’d offer some word of caution here, but it’s not like it would actually stop anyone, right?

Study: Men, Lesbians More Likely to Have Orgasms

Originally published on *U.S. News & World Report
Written by Randy Dotinga

When it comes to achieving orgasms during sex with a regular partner, straight women still lag behind men and lesbian women, a new study suggests.

Using surveys of single people, the Kinsey Institute research suggests that men — straight or gay — climax about 85 percent of the time during sex, while lesbians do so about 75 percent of the time. Straight females placed third, achieving orgasm during about 63 percent of sexual encounters.

Why the discrepancies? Basic anatomy and gaps in communication between partners may be key, the study authors said.

“We need to take seriously the wide variety of factors that may influence sexual outcomes, including orgasm, in individuals and couples,” said study lead author Justin Garcia, an assistant professor of gender studies at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University, in Bloomington.

The findings aren’t definitive, he stressed, because they’re based only on people’s recollections about recent sexual encounters with familiar sex partners.

Still, the study does offer new insight into sexuality, Garcia believes. “In their 1966 treatise, Masters & Johnson suggested that lesbian women have more orgasms than heterosexual women,” he said. “Yet there have not been many studies that have taken a careful look at orgasm outcomes across sexual orientation categories. We attempt to fill this knowledge gap.”

To do so, the new study analyzed the results of an Internet-based survey of 2,850 single American adults age 21 or older — almost 1,500 men and 1,350 women. The survey had higher numbers of gays and bisexuals than the American population because the researchers wanted to fully represent their experiences.

All the participants reported having sex with someone else over the past year, and each answered a question about the percentage of the time that they had an orgasm during sex with a familiar partner over the past 12 months.

The difference in orgasm rates between straight and lesbian women was significant, and the reasons why aren’t clear. Study co-author Elisabeth Lloyd, chair of history and philosophy of science at Indiana University, said it may have something to do with the fact that penetrative intercourse is a more crucial part of sex for straight women than for lesbians.

The anatomy of women — especially the difference between the clitoris and the urinary opening — is crucial to the likelihood that a woman will have an orgasm through intercourse, she said.

Still, better communication between heterosexual partners couldn’t hurt, the researchers added.

“The most successful means of increasing satisfaction has always been increased communication and attentiveness to the partner’s responsiveness,” Lloyd said. In other words, talk and pay attention.

Garcia agreed. He said partners of all types can help women reach orgasm by paying attention to “both spoken and unspoken communication.”

“Some individuals may say what they want, or be willing to state what they want if asked by a partner; others may communicate with body language,” Garcia said. “And for others it may take getting to know each other, both in and out of the bedroom, to understand what allows them to experience positive sexual outcomes.”

And does all this mean that lesbians are more sexually satisfied than straight women? Not necessarily, the researchers sad.

“Satisfaction is different from orgasm — many women can be sexually satisfied without orgasm,” Lloyd said. “We can’t infer that there are legions of unsatisfied heterosexual women because of this study. We’d have to ask them.”

The study appears online Aug. 18 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

More information

For more about female orgasms, visit The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada.

Nearly 5 Percent of Young U.S. Women Have Chlamydia: CDC

Originally posted on *U.S. News & World Report
Written by Steven Reinberg

An estimated 1.8 million Americans aged 14 to 39 are infected with the sexually transmitted disease chlamydia, and many don’t know it, federal health officials reported Thursday.

Rates of infection are highest among young women. An estimated 4.7 percent of women aged 14 to 24 were infected with the easily treated disease in 2012, which often has no symptoms. But, if left untreated, chlamydia can lead to infertility, problems during pregnancy and other health threats.

“Chlamydia is common, and it’s especially common in young women. Most young women who are infected don’t know they have it,” said study author Elizabeth Torrone, an epidemiologist with the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s division of STD prevention.

“This report really underscores the need for young women to be screened for chlamydia annually,” she said.

The report was based on statistics from the 2007-2012 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey.

Infection rates were highest among black women aged 14 to 24 — at 13.5 percent. Among Mexican-American women, the rate of infection was 4.5 percent. And among white women, it was 1.8 percent, according to the study.

The overall prevalence of chlamydia among those aged 14 to 39 has remained virtually unchanged for nearly a decade, according to the report. From 2007 to 2008, the infection rate was 1.6 percent; from 2009 to 2010, it was 1.7 percent; and from 2011 to 2012, it was 1.9 percent.

Chlamydia is easily diagnosed with a urine test, and it is easy to treat with antibiotics, Torrone said. She added that it’s important that the partners of infected women be treated, too.

Dr. Metee Comkornruecha, an adolescent medicine specialist at Miami Children’s Hospital, said the findings “line up with what we are seeing.”

If the infection is caught early, it is usually cured with a single dose of an antibiotic, Comkornruecha said. If the infection has spread, however, the treatment may require two weeks of antibiotics or, in some cases, stronger intravenous antibiotics, he said.

The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends that all sexually active women under the age of 25 be screened yearly for chlamydia, Torrone said.

A woman’s risk for infection decreases as she ages, according to the report. It was published in the Sept. 27 issue of the CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.

More information

To learn more about chlamydia, visit the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.