Is Halloween a “Safe Space” for Sexuality?

With Halloween just around the corner, stores everywhere are stockpiling all of the holiday essentials – candy, pumpkins, themed home décor and of course, the highly debated “slutty women’s Halloween costume.”

Naturally I don’t think they’re slutty – or that there’s anything wrong with women expressing their sexuality through costumes – but America has made the “day of the dead” a sort of unofficial day of uninhibited sexuality.

Any other day of the year, short skirts, tight dresses, and skimpy tops are frowned upon – acceptable only in the world of adult entertainment – but on Halloween, women get a pass.

Why is this? Why isn’t it acceptable for women to be openly sexual creatures? To have sexual desires? To experience natural human urges and emotions?

What if instead of dressing up for Halloween, women across the country are actually “stripping down” to reveal their repressed sexual selves?

According to Think Progress health editor Tara Culp-Ressler, who was quoted last year in the Huffington Post, “Halloween has become, for many women, one of the only days of the year that they feel comfortable really having their sexuality on display, really being overtly sexual.”

If this is true, then I encourage all women to take advantage of this “safe space.” Explore the hidden, intimate parts of yourself and have fun with it!

I’d also like to suggest using costumes to explore new erotic zones with your partner – or even by yourself if you’re inclined. You don’t have to wait all year for one day; the privacy of your own home affords the same safety. Communicate your desires to dress up in the bedroom with your partner – many sex surveys show there’s a good chance they’ll be up for the role-playing experience.

Have fun, and be you this Halloween – and every other night as well!


A Seminar on Threesomes in Toronto

Just last week I was in Toronto launching the premiere of my line of instructional movies on Adult 4U Channel 100. I had a series of meetings and lunches, did some radio (thanks, Dean & Todd!), and also gave a seminar on threesomes. I’ve done my seminars and workshops all over the world, and I always make sure people know even if it covers the same topic, each ends up completely different, depending on the part of the world, comfortability of the audience, the time of day, ratio of women to men, and even whether or not alcohol was being served. (Side note – I gave one hell of a fellatio workshop at a ladies night after the wine and cheese was served. I’ve never seen so many women replicating tongue and hand techniques with no hesitation!)

As it turned out, the venue was a local swingers club I may or may not have visited a few times prior. Certainly this group did not particularly need my advice on pulling off a threesome, especially considering the fact the club actually had a regular “Threesomes Friday” night every week. But once again, I was reminded I am not only teaching at these workshops, I’m learning as well.

I breezed through my intro and was well into discussing rules and boundaries, when I noticed some ears perking up. There were a few questions from the audience about how to go about choosing a person and setting rules, as well as some talk about positions and double penetration. Then I closed it out with a short Q & A session. Due to time constraints at the venue, I did my meet and greet upstairs, where I went to sign autographs and pose for pictures. As soon as I started it, I quickly realized my meet and greet would be an extended Q & A, and given some additional privacy, the majority of the questions from men AND women had to do with jealousy. I was really surprised, but once again, jealousy is a very normal emotion… I just didn’t think there, of all places, people would be prone to any type of insecurity. I was wrong.

Ego aside, I like being wrong. I usually learn a lot from it. Moving forward, no matter what the venue, I’ll spend more time discussing jealousy, and ask my audience more questions as well. It’s the feedback that helps me strive to make my line of instructionals even better for you.


What is Sexy?

From Merriam-Webster:

Definition of SEXY

  1. sexually suggestive or stimulating : erotic
  2. generally attractive or interesting : appealing

Examples of SEXY

  • She wore a sexy skirt.
  • Her legs are long and sexy.

First Known Use of SEXY

  • 1925

Related to SEXY

  • Synonyms: bodacious, desirable, dishy, hot, luscious, toothsome

But what IS sexy?

I posed that question on my radio show, just meaning for it to be a quick segment, but instead it turned into a whole show. I heard such a broad range of opinions, so I know I’m onto something when I say that sexy is completely subjective.

To me, sexy is that twinkle of self-confidence in someone’s eye. It’s a quiet, involuntary gasp of breath in my ear as my lover is about to orgasm. It can be a man in a three piece suit…or a woman in expensive heels and nothing else. It can even be the sound of those heels as they punctuate their approach…or their departure. These sights and sounds literally give me chills, they have a place in the masturbatory vault in my mind, always at the ready.

As much as that represents the more erotic side of sexy to me, there is also the lighter side of sexy- for me it’s the smell of clean laundry (really!), someone who can tell a good joke, and someone who can laugh heartily at one too, head thrown back, mouth wide open, a genuine laugh. Sometimes the best kind of sexy is the “accidental” kind.

What is sexy to you?



Whew… after a month in Africa (details on my other blog, and then getting sick, playing catch-up, getting sick again, and now finally feeling better, I am busy. Busy with regular work as always, but especially busy fanning different fires- the ones on my voicemail, in my inbox, on my desk. I’m working out a system, though, and at this rate, I’ll be caught up by, oh, say… 2012.

As I write this, there are seminars in the works for November, and when those details are firmed up, I’ll pass them on. I’m also talking to a large store here in LA about working with them as well. All really exciting stuff.

I think the challenge here for me is to find balance between everything I’m trying to do at once. I am enjoying the surge of new opportunities coming my way, and I’m glad I can share them with you…even if right now, they’re buried under piles on my desk. ; )