What Porn Doesn’t Teach You About Anal Sex

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The following is an article I wrote for StyleCaster.com on “What Porn Doesn’t Teach You About Anal Sex”:

“Lately, during the Q&A portion of my “Guide to Wicked Sex” workshops, many of the questions I’ve been getting are about anal. And it’s no wonder, when you consider the amount of couples I speak to who are worried there’s something wrong with them (their words!) because they couldn’t figure out how to have anal sex the way they saw me having it in movies. That was a big “a ha” moment, as it dawned on me that some people just aren’t able to differentiate porn for fantasy versus how it might translate in their own bedroom.

In porn, anal sex looks easy. With hardly any foreplay, the pool boy is suddenly pounding away at the back door, and everyone’s having orgasms everywhere. Ah, the joys of editing! Understand this: We’re trained professionals. You can still try this at home, but there are some things you should know beforehand.”

Read my full article to find out tips on how to prepare properly in order to have great anal sex. To read it on StyleCaster, click here.

People Are Finally Talking About Consent in an Open, Sexy Way and That’s A Win for Everyone

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The following article by Mark Shrayber was published yesterday on Uproxx.com and contains an interview with me. It’s titled “People Are Finally Talking About Consent in an Open, Sexy Way and That’s A Win for Everyone”:

“Consent is critical to any sexual relationship, whether it be a long-term marriage or a Thursday night session of ‘Netflix & Chill.’ The problem, however, is that until now, consent has been made to seem like a dry and boring topic — something necessary, but also a possible mood killer. How sexy is it really to stop in the middle of sexual congress to say “are you willingly engaging in the act of coitus with me?’

But f*ck that noise because here’s what’s up: Consent. Is. Important.

First things first, though: Considering that consent has always been important, why are we talking about it so much and so openly now?”

To read the rest of Mark’s article on Uproxx.com and his interview with me, click here.

Embracing Fetish In Bed

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The following is an article I wrote for StyleCaster two weeks ago on “Embracing Fetish in Bed”:

Even though we’re living in a time where sex is so openly portrayed in mainstream media (thanks, EL James!), we’re still missing out on something that could quite literally be at our fingertips… Time and time again, I get asked about fetishes.  

           “I love the arch of women’s feet!”

           “I have dreams about taking two guys at once.”

           “I can only orgasm with a partner if they spank me and call me dirty words.”

           “I wear my wife’s thong when I masturbate.”

           “I get hard when women call me Daddy.”

These are all statements I’ve heard, and the question that inevitably follows them is always the same: “Am I WEIRD?!?”

Read my article to find out why you are actually fantastic.  To read it on StyleCaster, click here.

The Origins of Orgasmic Moaning

The following is an excerpt from an article on “The Origins of Orgasmic Moaning,” which I was interviewed for. It published April 4, 2016 on PrimeMind.Com:

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Adult performer and director Jessica Drake told me that before she made a career out of having orgasms on camera, pleasure was a muted affair for her. “In the beginning of having adult relationships, masturbation was always something I hid from my partner,” she said. “So it was a very quiet thing for me.” 

Drake explained that porn—which, according to Kerner, is a major influence on the unrealistic sexual expectations placed on women—was, at its onset, “strictly done for male enjoyment.” She believes that prototypical mainstream porn, which harks back to the early 70s, features nonrepresentative behavior such as “to-the-rafters” moaning and “women squirting like geysers and having really easy sex” because these theatrical markers incite confidence and pleasure in straight men. 

You can enjoy the rest of the article here: http://www.primemind.com/articles/the-science-behind-some-women-s-loud-noises-in-bed.

Positions For Anal Sex

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I was interviewed for the following article for AskMen.com. It originally posted on Friday, March 5th:

“I recommend side spoon, as it takes the pressure off of both bodies, and also allows for both people to move. This is also a great position for clitoral stimulation as well, which I always suggest for anal play,” says jessica drake, a sex educator and a Wicked Pictures contract star.”

“Another great position can be cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, placing the person on top in charge of the depth and speed of thrusting. It also makes for a great visual, and again, can provide for possible clitoral stimulation,” says Drake.”

An Adult Film Star’s Guide to the Female Orgasm: Expert Tips from Jessica Drake

I wrote the following article for StyleCaster.com. It originally posted on January 2nd, 2016:

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Orgasms are FANTASTIC.

They feel amazing. They’re a great release for built-up stress and tension, and they can work better than a sleeping pill for some. They’re able to lift your mood and help you bond with your lover. But, for the fairer sex, the female orgasm can also be really elusive.

Women often tell me, in whispers, that they can’t orgasm with a partner. They wonder what they’re doing wrong, and they usually end up faking it, either to get it “over with” or because they don’t want to cause hurt feelings. Most are assuming that vaginal orgasms during penetration are the “norm” (I hate that word!), and that they’re the anomaly. I spend lots of time assuring them that they’re mistaken: While *some* women are able to have vaginal orgasms, G-spot orgasms, anal orgasms, nipple or other erogenous-zone orgasms, the reality is that over 80% of women orgasm via clitoral stimulation.

Let. That. Sink. In.

You can read more of my article here: http://stylecaster.com/female-orgasm-tips-from-jessica-drake/#ixzz3z3XrCwFt

An Adult Film Star’s Guide to Foreplay: 7 Tips from Jessica Drake

I wrote the following article for StyleCaster.com. It originally posted on December 2nd, 2015:

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I think foreplay gets a bad rap. It’s become cliché—even I’ve used analogies like “preheating the oven” and “warming up the race car before taking it out for record-setting laps.” Despite what we might see in adult movies, though, the reality is that foreplay is something we all need … not just women.
Here are the reasons why, along with some additional foreplay ideas that are outside the box.

Start the fun before you’re even together.

Foreplay builds excitement and anticipation. It can tease, or it can promise. We all like to feel desired, so when we get texts, emails, pictures, or phone calls from our lovers, we know they’re thinking about us. This tends to make us think about them. Make contact during a workday or when they’re out of town. You don’t even have to be in the same room (or the same state!) for foreplay to begin.

Have ‘brain sex.’

When you’re together, foreplay doesn’t have to start as overtly sexual. Sex is mental in so many ways, so appease your S.O.’s senses with an amazing meal, a glass of wine, and some conversation. If this isn’t something you do on a regular basis, it might seem forced in the beginning, but once you both relax, expect connectivity in shared conversation. I call this brain sex, and it’s some of my favorite foreplay.

To read my whole article, click here: http://stylecaster.com/foreplay-tips/#ixzz3z3X7TRhi

The 5 Things Every BDSM Beginner Should Know

A few weeks ago the editors at Refinery29.com approached me about writing a blog with BDSM tips and advice for beginners. I’m happy to report the blog is now up on their site.

The 5 Things Every BDSM Beginner Should Know (Published 7/23/15 on www.Refinery29.com)

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There is no denying that BDSM is trendy right now. Look no further than the shelves of your local bookstore, and you’ll see not only the books of E.L. James but also a surge of other erotic writers capitalizing on the desire for edgier sex and steamier novels. When the movie Fifty Shades of Grey premiered in theaters on Valentine’s Day, couples rushed to see it, and many of those couples went on to act out their on-screen fantasies. More than ever, I’ve recently fielded questions from wives (and husbands!) who want to spank or be spanked, to tie up or be tied up, but don’t really know where to begin. BDSM can be a great way to liven things up in bed, but it’s important to have at least a minimal knowledge of safety before you get started. Here are some basic points for the BDSM beginner.

To read the whole article, click here.

Men: 3 Tips to Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Within popular culture, when it comes to a man’s sexual performance, stamina seems to be almost as important as penis size. Let’s face it – in the movies (porn AND mainstream), on TV, and even in popular music, fully pleasing a woman isn’t just a momentary bragging moment, it’s an expected male duty. And that’s a lot of pressure.

I think there’s some confusion as to what “ED” or Erectile Dysfunction really is. ED has nothing to do with going all night long- rather, it’s actual impotence. The inability to get an erection strong enough for penetrative sex. And while we’re at it, let’s also dispel the myth that every woman wants sex that lasts for hours with a massively endowed man. Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes, but most women are good with quality over quantity. Can you last 5, 10, 15 minutes? Congrats, you’re in the majority! But if you’d like a few simple tips to increase your stamina even further, read on!

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1) Stop Worrying About Your Performance!

Sex is mostly mental. Especially when a man’s confidence begins to waver, and he’s in that slipperly- slope headspace. Not only can this affect performance, but it can kill the entire erection! It can be a vicious cycle, but if you can catch yourself as it starts, just pause and take a deep breath. Focus on your partner, her body, not your feelings. Just go with the flow. Switch things up, go back a step. Enjoy more foreplay.

2) Make Your Partner Orgasm Ahead of You (Or Vice Versa):

If you’re worried about performance, perhaps putting a bit more effort into the “pre-penetration process” will be to your advantage. If your partner orgasms during oral sex, they’ll be more aroused, future orgasms may come easier, and it might help relieve some of the pressure you feel, giving you more opportunity to just enjoy yourself. Consequently this also works the other way around. If you orgasm during foreplay, you can take your “recovery” time to lavish even more attention on your partner. After all, you know what they say; foreplay IS usually the best way.
 
3) Incorporate the Squeeze Technique:

Try the “squeeze technique” on your off-time, during masturbation. Get yourself right to the edge of the point of no return, and then stop. Do this a few times until you’re really familiar with those few seconds right before you orgasm. Then, incorporate The Squeeze on the head of your penis until the urge subsides. Make sure to practice this a lot (research!) and then share it with your partner during sex. When things get too hot and your orgasm is imminent, pull out and squeeze. You can even have her do it with you. Some guys also like the idea of using cock rings to prolong their erections, just make sure to use one that you can easily remove, and don’t wear it to the point of being numb- you can cause lasting nerve damage by restricting the bloodflow.

The bottom line is there are many ways to improve your stamina in bed, but these are just a few at the top of my list. However,  you’re probably already doing a great job, just as you are. Talk to your partner and get her feedback on what she imagines the “right” length of time is. It might be totally different than what you’d think. Relax. Have fun. Let’s take the stress out of sex.

xo,

jd

5 Tips to Giving Great Oral Sex

*Originally appeared as a guest blog post on “Dirty And Thirty.”

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s the majority of men love a great blowjob. Therefore, in honor of “Steak and Blowjob Day,” I have taken the liberty of sharing five of my favorite tips for giving incredible head.

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  • Start Slow and Let Him Know It’s “Blow Job Time”: When giving fellatio, always start slow and let your partner know its all for his benefit. In your own words, tell your man that it’s “blow job time” and you expect nothing in return. You can use this information to tease him with a suggestive text or phone call earlier in the day. Then when the time comes, use only your tongue. Don’t incorporate hands yet. Tease him into full arousal, and if he’s already aroused, make him want it even more.
  • Perception Is Everything: When giving a man oral sex, his point of view is very important. Keep your location in mind and always think of ways to stimulate him visually, as well as physically. For example, consider positioning yourself in front of a mirror, or somewhere with a partial view of a mirror. As noted in “Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio,” a popular volume in my sex instructional series, be sure to wear something that shows off your breasts and tie your hair into a ponytail to give him a clear view. This way, your man can fully appreciate his blowjob and watch it from different angles.
  • Be Enthusiastic: Men love it when you enjoy giving them pleasure. Moan and make it obvious that you like what you’re doing. When he starts to cum, be enthusiastic! Don’t stop, and if you don’t want to swallow, use your saliva and his cum to stroke him. Rub his cock with all your saliva and use both hands until he stops moving. He’ll never notice, and he’ll thank you later for not stopping!
  • Use Flavored Lubes: Flavored lubes can make giving oral sex extremely tasty. My favorite personal lubricants are from the Wicked Sensual Care collection, which contains 100 percent plant-based derivatives and glycerin – thus making them vegan and PETA-compliant. The line also includes several products with the glycerin-free advantage—hypoallergenic Sensitive, Jellé, and an entire silicone-based Ultra line. Spread a thin layer of lube on your man’s cock and then dive in. He’ll taste wonderful!
  • Eye Contact: When giving fellatio, I cannot overstress the need for eye contact. When you’re looking into his eyes and moaning, it signals that you are confidence and love what you’re doing. This will trigger an instinctive, animalistic reaction from your man, and he will feel more relaxed and more turned on– and experience an incredible orgasm!

Demonstrating you care as much about your man’s sexual satisfaction as you do your own is a great way to show your appreciation and boost his confidence. Use all of my tips, and don’t be scared to try new things. Later, when it’s your turn, I’ll bet your guy will be just as eager to return the favor!

 

xo,

jessica drake