How to Introduce the Bedroom Into Your Everyday

Sometimes, it seems like the stresses of the day (work, family, and general stuff) gets a woman, her partner, or both of them so wrapped up they might forget their relationship may be suffering. It’s crucial to remember your relationship is just as important as anything else going on in your life – after all, he is your best friend, lover, and confidant! Nurturing the primary relationship in your life is a great way to relieve stress, for both of you.


One of the best ways to remind him (and you) that your partnership keeps putting a smile on both of your faces and is a refuge from all of the stresses going on, is to flirt and tease throughout the day. Romance shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom – bring it out, and you’ll find the sentiments are reciprocated!


Here are some fun ideas to keep those sexy ideas between you and your lover going throughout the day:


  • Give your partner a kiss before they leave for work. If work is at home, remember to give casual kisses or surprise fondles throughout the day.


  • Leave a sexy note on the bathroom mirror (or refrigerator, or anywhere else unexpected)… in lipstick.


  • Ask your partner to pick out your underwear for the next day – he’ll be thinking about you wearing it all day


  • Send a sexy text – it can be words, or a picture.


  • Go commando – and make sure your partner knows, either with a sexy text or before he leaves for the day… or over dinner. You know he’ll be thinking about how you’re exposed!


There are plenty of other unplanned, sexy little things you can do as well – I’m sure you can come up with some special ideas just for you and him!


Here’s the thing: Your partner, much like you, wants to remember that no matter how long the relationship has been going on, he is still sexy, strong, and desired. Making sure he knows you’re on his mind as something other than a provider, especially as someone who is a sexual being, will bring a smile to his face, as well as yours when he reciprocates later.


A word of warning, though – or maybe it’s not a warning, but rather a reminder: if he doesn’t respond right away, don’t push the issue! This is about your partner and making sure he knows you want him. It’s not about trying to get something back. There are always going to be times when he’s too busy, or just TOO stressed to reciprocate right away. Don’t worry though – when he does have the time, he will. Pushing too hard, or being passive-aggressive about “all the nice sexy things you’re doing for him” is only going to make him resent your cute advances. So, don’t write notes every morning or send sexy texts 10 times a day. Overkill will dull the issue, and it might even become annoying – and annoying isn’t sexy! Make sure these things are little surprises.


It’s been said many, many times a mental re-set can do wonders for the soul. Help him get his mind off of the stresses of the day with these small mental re-sets, and you’ll be sure to keep him smiling all day about the things you two can do together, when he comes home – or you might just get an invitation for a mid-day rendezvous! Who knows – he might even read this blog, and you could start seeing some little re-sets and reminders from him to help you with your stressful day too!




Birth Control and Sexual Desire

A few years ago, as women all over the world celebrated the 50th anniversary of the birth control pill, there was also some sadness over news: an article, published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, wrote BCPs (birth control pills) were to blame for reduced sexual drive.


Seems like a catch-22, right? You take BCPs so you don’t get pregnant when you do have sex… but it lowers your sex drive, so you don’t even want to bother having sex. It’s like an anti-aphrodisiac, but it’s still an important part of women’s sexual awareness and power.


The best way to combat this? Education! By knowing why it may lower your libido and figuring out some ways around it, you can have your BCP cake and eat it too.


So how do most birth control pills work? As mentioned in The Daily Beast, “The pill works by raising levels of the sex hormone-binding globulin protein, which binds to testosterone, making it unavailable to the rest of the body. Reduced testosterone in women can cut down on masculine features, such as hair growth, acne (a common reason teenage girls get on the pill), and sex drive.” So basically, testosterone is what makes you horny (I guess that explains many guys!); if you block it, you’re also blocking your own horniness. The pill changes your hormones – and often, it means it may change your desire for sex, too, from sexual interest, arousal, enjoyment, and even thinking about it in the first place.


But women all over the world take BCPs for reasons other than contraception: the little pills can prevent and lower severe cramps, anemia, PMS / PMDD, and regulating periods. In addition, they can provide protection against ovarian cysts, osteoporosis, migraines, acne, and possibly even breast and ovarian cancer.


Just remember, though – birth control pills only prevent…pregnancy! They do not ever protect you against STIs and HIV. Stay safe against everything in order to have the most fun, safest sex you can, by always using safe sex guidelines. Get tested regularly, be informed about your partner’s sex history and habits, and use protection! Condoms are the only items that provide maximum protection against pregnancy, STIs, and HIV. Stay informed, and stay safe, so you can have lots of awesome sexy fun!


If contraception is the main reason you’re taking birth control pills, there are also lots of alternate options. Male condoms and female condoms are great for spontaneous sex. Contraceptive sponges, like the Today Sponge, contraceptive films, diaphragms, and cervical caps, require planning ahead before you can have sex, but are also effective. If you’re looking for something a bit more permanent, you can consider IUDs and sterilization / getting your tubes tied – but remember, they affect your hormones as well.


There are also a whole bunch of different kinds of birth control pills on the market – and though they all work as contraceptives, they affect your hormones differently. Talk to your ob/gyn and see if maybe trying another pill may change how your sex drive reacts.


But what if you like all the other aspects of the pill you’re on, except the sex drive? There are options for that, too, if you are open to being a bit creative:


  • Watch porn / read erotica / listen to sexy music – Sometimes you need a little extra stimulation just to jumpstart those synapses.
  • Plan for sex – Not all sex is spontaneous, especially if you have other stressful things going on. Planning a sexy evening, a midday romp, and even some masturbation time, can get your body thinking about sex more regularly. Also: regular sex can actually increase your desire the rest of the time!
  • Lubrication – I mentioned this in “Lubing Up for Better Sex” – decreased desire and hormonal changes mean less natural lubrication, so helping that along can also trigger sexy thoughts as well. You can use non-hormonal lubes, like Wicked Sensual Care lubes; you may also chat with your ob/gyn about possibly getting a prescription for an estrogen cream, which you can apply directly to your clitoris as prescribed to estrogenize vaginal and clitoral tissue.


Sexual drive is an interesting thing – the more you have sex, the more you want it, partly because your brain remembers and reminds you how awesome it is. Use your body’s largest sexual organ – all sexual arousal starts in the brain! You may start slow, but by making and taking the time to remind your body how good it feels, and using a few helpers, will get you there. Experiment with the variety of options out there in terms of contraception, and you should be able to continue to enjoy your amazing sexual self and keep yourself protected at the same time.




jessica weighs in on STIs in the Adult Industry

The below blog post about the recent adult industry moratorium (stoppage of work), as a result of a case of HIV, comes from my individual blog. To read the original post, visit


it starts with me.
for WEEKS i have agonized writing this blog.when the Hep C situation recently reared it’s ugly head, i started to write. i’d pour my thoughts and feelings out, then go back and edit. delete and rewrite. rewrite yet again. i tried to get more facts, and then i kept writing. while it was still just a saved draft, before i had even worked up the discipline to finish it and hit “publish post”, i learned about the current HIV situation, and in an instant, i was hit with the same exact feeling i had back in 2004 when i found myself just FOUR days away from being on a first-generation quarantine list. i don’t think you ever forget that tingling shock, that sinking in the pit of your stomach when you think that life as you know it has ended.

right now we are supposedly in the middle of a moratorium. safeguards are in place to notify and (hopefully) support the person/people who is/are affected by this horrible tragedy, but let me remind you…this moratorium does nothing unless we are taking into account the HUMAN factor in all of this and realize that NO ONE knows what ANYONE really does in their off-camera time.

look at us, as an industry.

we are SHAMING a girl whose life is changed forever. it could have been me. you. any of us.

we are unjustly pointing fingers, judging and blaming people.

we are attacking each other online and in public forums right in the sights of mainstream media.

we are going on crazy, hate-driven rants on blogs calling people names and making accusations and threats, totally destroying our credibility, and forwarding the stereotypes about the mental stability (or lack thereof) in this industry.

there have been several mentions of unionizing, and while this may be good in theory, in practical application, the likeliness of it being run fairly is nil.

personally, i think that in order to effect change, it has to begin on an individual level.

*right now, i do not feel comfortable shooting. i will not shoot until i do.

*i will, as a performer, require a test for HIV, Hep B & C, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and trichomoniasis that is newer than 14 days from my on screen partners. i will do my due diligence and check it’s validity.

*as a director, i will require my talent to have tests newer than 14 days. period.

*if i am told by an agency that this means i will pay a higher rate for a performer, i will not continue to book through that agency.

*as always, i will continue to adhere to a specific list of talent that i am willing to work with. i will continue to add or remove people at MY discretion.

you can do this too. make your own guidelines. we have to lead each other and help each other. not by hate speech and shaming and dueling unions, but by strength…and willpower…and by example. EDUCATE yourself about the risks that you take on and off camera, and make informed decisions with YOUR best interest at heart becausechances are, no one else will. we can be mentors and support one another. i’m not perfect, none of us are. i will not judge you. i’m no doctor, either, nor do i claim to be- but if there is ANYTHING i can do to help you- answer a question, talk with you, listen to you, support you in any way, reach out to me. if you do not have my number, DM me. and if you don’t need support, then lend some to someone else.

FUCKING STAND UP for yourselves. in closing, i will quote an article i wrote about the SYPHILIS incident last year:

“Performers- RESPECT YOURSELF. you only have one body, one life, one chance at this. you are worth more than whatever you are being paid for the scene.”

Fetish Conventions – Where You Can Learn a Thing or Two!

***In order to cover a wide spectrum of topics on, I love to involve guest bloggers.  As the subject of fetishes came up, I thought of my friend Kelly Shibari as a great source of information – below is Kelly’s second GTWS post on fetishes. xo, jd.

This weekend, I’m in Tampa, Florida, to experience my first-ever FetishCon. It’s one of the largest fetish and kink conventions in the country, and I’ve always wanted to attend. I’m so happy I was able to fly down this year!

For people who are interested in introducing fetishes into the bedroom, fetish conventions are a great way to learn, explore, and be inspired. Usually held during the day, in a brightly lit hotel convention center, fetish conventions will mitigate any fears you may have from watching too many horror movies. Yes, there are dungeon setups, and people being whipped, pierced, tied up, screaming, and more – but there are also vendors that sell kinky clothes, sexy shoes, videos, books, and more.

There are also usually seminars, ranging from “Introduction to the BDSM and Fetish Lifestyle” and “Beginning Edge Play: Sharp and Pointies,” but also some very tame seminars that can be super helpful to couples who are looking for things less painful, such as “Taking Better Intimate Photos at Home,” “Erotic Tickle Torture,” and “What Is A Fetish?” In addition, there are usually some really good seminars on communication and theory, which is great regardless of whether or not you’re into kinky stuff or not. This year, the classes offered for communication include “Pain is for Pleasure, Not for Injury,” “Learning to Separate Reasonable Risk from Fantasy Foolishness,” and “Effective Communication.” See? Attending a fetish convention isn’t all about being tied up and beaten until you’re black and blue (which I know some of you were thinking!).

The after-parties can be pretty fun too – and much like the convention, you can either just watch, or actually participate. Kinky Karaoke? Check. A medical fetish themed live show? Cool! Burlesque and rope bondage feature performances? Amazing!

But the best part about attending a fetish convention? The conversations. You can go to any booth, ask as many questions as you’d like, and see a myriad of performances of varying fetishes, all in person. Some booths will even let you try things – a rope bondage expert can not only tie you up (over your clothes), but also walk both you and your partner through the various kinds of rope, basic information about safety, and advice on how to get started at home. A toy company can walk you through the difference between floggers and whips, different kinds of leather, and more, but also demonstrate how to use the items properly, so you’re not just going to a website and randomly selecting items, hoping that you chose something that both of you would enjoy. Any purchases you make will be a combination of one person learning how to use it properly and safely, and the partner knowing it’s a sensation they enjoy heightening his or her pleasure.

Yes, you’re right – not everything you see will be to your liking. You might even find some fetishes that scare you, horrify you, and downright make you think, WTF? But you might, and very likely, find something that will be new, fun, and get you excited to try back at home. When you know you’ve found a fetish you both enjoy, then it’s something that can be incorporated into the bedroom easily. So go out there and start exploring!

–Kelly Shibari

About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to performing in front of the camera as the sexually-charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Her multi-award-winning site, PaddedKINK, is the premier destination for plus-size fetish performers, and she has the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized Fleshlight Girl in existence. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. It was recently also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Shibari was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year award at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys.” For more information, visit,, and

My TOP TEN Sex Toys

Being in the industry I am, people are always asking me about different adult products, especially during my workshops or adult DVD store signings. Following my meet and greets, I’ve played personal shopper for couples or women looking to spice up their love lives. More and more, stores now have a boutique environment where people can browse at their own speed, talk to some really knowledgeable salespeople, and even feel the texture or strength of vibrations of a toy, or even try out lube… on their hands, that is. 😉

Even though my favorites have changed and evolved over the years as technology has advanced, there are some products that really do stand out, and I’d like to share them with you. In no particular order, here are my current TOP TEN favorite sex toys:


1) The Pocket Rocket – Quite well known, this mini vibe is small, but really does the trick. It is quiet and discreet, perfect for clitoral stimulation alone or during penetration. This is often the first toy that women introduce into partner play.


2) Sqweel – Please believe me when I say that this toy comes VERY close to the feel of actual cunnilingus. All you need to do is add batteries and your favorite lube, choose your speed, lay back, and enjoy again and again. If someone would have simply told me about this, I wouldn’t be so sure. This palm-sized black case with pink tongues in a circle doesn’t look the way it feels at all, but then again, who REALLY knows what heaven looks like?


3) The Bodywand – A handheld massager with different sized models comes in rechargeable or plug in, and it delivers the goods! Its rounded head is flexible enough to fit where you need it the most. If you’re craving more, they also come with attachments sold separately, from a rabbit head to a G Spot stimulator.


4) Evi – After watching a workshop with the amazing Ducky Dolittle, I became a fan of this Kegel exerciser. Though it does not vibrate, it does do some pretty interesting things as it’s inside you, rubbing on your G Spot and training those mighty Kegels.  You can also use it on your clit. It’s quite cool looking, and yes, it comes with instructions.


5) Moka G-Vibe – As I was preparing for my “Guide to Wicked Sex G Spot and Female Ejaculation” Instructional, I realized that while I had occasional G-Spot orgasms with a partner, I had never had one on my own.  I needed way more practice if I was going to be of any real help. Enter the Moka G Vibe. Mine is purple, and the slightly flat, yet still curved vibe is the right size and shape to stimulate that much sought after place. I recommend trying different angles and thrusting, or maybe even try dragging it across your G. I was glad I had put towels down!


6) Isla (from Lelo) – A luxury vibe that impresses from the first glance. It’s black and gold, sleek and rounded softly to fit your curves. The easy to grip handle is perfect for my often-slippery fingers. With 6 modes and a long lasting charge, you can use it again and again. The packaging is gorgeous too!


7) Love Handle G Spot Vibrator from Evolved – There are many reasons why I love this toy – it’s the perfect size, it fits my curves, and there are 7 different functions. It’s not overwhelmingly big, and its handle is at just the right angle so you can easily reach your G Spot (or someone else’s). It is also waterproof, which will come in handy, what with all that squirting you might be doing.


8) Pure Plug 2.0 by njoy – I love anal sex, but(t) sometimes anal toys are tough to choose between because we all have different preferences. If you are into or even interested in trying a metal buttplug, this one is sublime. I love the feel of cold metal drenched in a silicon lube. This toy is just the right size and has a convenient handle for solo anal play OR for sharing. The weight of the metal is another attraction as well, so experiment with different positions when it’s inside you and let gravity do its job.


9) Alise from NS Novelties – This super smooth & QUIET vibe is very flexible. In fact, that was the first thing I thought when I opened the package. It’s made from silicone and is rechargeable. There are simply 2 buttons on it. One is the on/off switch, and the other controls the functions. I got so carried away I lost count of every different thing it did to me, but it’s flexibility (and mine) certainly played a great part. It can be used for internal or external stimulation, and for me, both are equally amazing with this toy.


10) ANY dong by Tantus – I know that this is a bit vague, but if you’re looking for something remarkable to fit into your harness for strap on play, whether anal or vag, Tantus has something for you. I am such a fan, not only do I use them at work, I have also used them at home. No matter the color, shape or size you need, they have something that will fit your… ummm… NEEDS.



What Exactly ARE Fetishes? And How Can I Start?

***In order to cover a wide spectrum of topics on, I love to involve guest bloggers.  As the subject of fetishes came up, I thought of my friend Kelly Shibari as a great source of information, so without further ado, I give you Kelly. xo, jd.


These days, there are lots of mentions of kinks and fetishes in gossip magazines, celebrity rags, music lyrics, and of course online. But what exactly is a fetish? Is anything that’s considered “weird” a fetish? Are people with fetishes weirdos and freaks?

In the traditional, Wikipedia sense, “fetish” can mean “a religious or mystical attribution to inanimate objects, known as ‘fetishes’.” The word “fetish” originates from the 15th century Portuguese word “feitico,” as well as the French word “fetiche,” which, similar to a totem or amulet, is an object believed to have supernatural powers over others. It’s very prevalent in voodoo, and other religions.

Along the same lines, a sexual fetish is “a sexual fixation with objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.” Much like those who give objects power, sexual fetishists are turned on by objects or situations that may not traditionally be considered sexual. For some people, a fetish is an add-on to a sex act; for others, only that fetish will work as an aphrodisiac.

Some of the most common fetishes are exaggerations of standard marks of beauty – a guy begins to like large breasts, but his preference turns into a fetish when the women of desire start having larger and larger breasts, including those with larger-than-life implants. Similarly, someone might be “into” a pregnant partner’s belly for the usual reasons (growth of life, fertility, etc) but it turns into a fetish when he starts seeking fetish models who are “gainers” – those who eat only to grow their bellies so guys can watch their bellies grow.

Fetishes can range into things that you would never equate with sex, too. I’ve had many fans contact me for custom videos, where I do various things that they fetishize. Once, I was asked to sit in a leather chair and eat a rare steak while talking about how much I liked cows. Recently, I’ve been asked to blow my nose – just the audio of a woman blowing her nose turns him on. I’ve had other performer friends tell me that they’ve shot videos of them washing dishes, cutting their hair, burping, giggling, putting on lipstick, mopping the floor – even farting! And while some of you might think that these things are weird, I love that they know what turns them on!

One of the most common fetishes, and one that’s shared by many, many people, from Hollywood celebrities to politicians, is feet. From toes, arches, heels, toenails, all the way to footwear, foot fetishists sexualize everything about feet – from smelling and licking, to the color of toenails and jewelry, and everything in between, it really turns them on and enhances their sexual interaction with their partners.

So how can you bring fetishes into your bedroom? Start with what is the most common – feet. Everyone loves a good foot rub, even if it’s not sexual. Use great-scented lotions and oils and really give each other a good foot massage. Use eye contact and make sure to communicate with each other about how it feels. Maybe, if you’re inclined, try licking a toe or sucking on them. Suck on them one by one, then all at once. Lick the bottom of their foot from heel to toe, and then back again.

Want to take it one step further? Try a “foot job,” where the woman uses both her feet to rub the guy’s penis up and down. Want to reciprocate? The guy can totally use his big toe to rub the woman’s clitoris. All this takes a lot longer than the usual “let’s have sex” ritual and can extend the lovemaking session into something pretty awesome.

Maybe he or she just aren’t into feet, or are too ticklish? You can do the same with hands! These days, we’re all on computers all day long, and our hands need more TLC than ever. Getting your partner to take some time away from the keyboard for some eye contact, conversation, and some hand-massaging can be a great way to connect, take care of those paws, and get some quality time in… and who knows where that can lead!

Communication is one of the key elements to having a much more fulfilling sexual relationship – and if you can start by doing something that feels amazing, then I’m sure you’ll find it will lead to some arousing post-footrub (or -handrub) play. After you explore those desires, check back in at because I’ll go into more detail on many more aspects of the fetish world.

–Kelly Shibari


About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to performing in front of the camera as the sexually-charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Her multi-award-winning site, PaddedKINK, is the premier destination for plus-size fetish performers, and she has the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized Fleshlight Girl in existence. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. It was recently also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Shibari was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year award at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys.” For more information, visit,, and

CNN Feature

Over half a year ago, a photographer and writer from CNN first met with me on set for a story they were doing on Measure B. We met several more times over the months, and the story grew into a profile piece on my career. I’m excited to say the article and pictorial are now up on CNN, and they came out great!

Hope you enjoy it too.


The Art of Seduction: Seducing Women

Throughout history the term seduction carried with it a negative connotation.  Seducing a person meant leading them astray of their virtuous path, often in a sexual manner.  Eve seduced Adam with a metaphoric apple.  Casanova seduced so many ladies, his name has now become synonymous with “womanizer,” not a flattering term.  In the mid 1900s, you could even be charged with the crime of seduction, like Frank Sinatra was.


More recently, seduction has also taken on a positive definition.  Seduction can mean the act of flirting with or charming another person regardless of whether sex is the ultimate goal… though it often still is.


There is an art to seduction.  Women and men respond to different forms of seduction, and of course every person responds differently within their generalized group.  For the sake of this blog, it is necessary to generalize though.  We’ll touch on seducing men another time (and no, it isn’t as simple as showing our breasts… usually).  Right now, our focus is going to be how to seduce a woman, whether you are a man or a woman.


Here are some of my tips for seducing a woman:


Actions Speak Louder than Words.  It’s fine to relay to her how you want to run your hand through her hair, take her out to a nice restaurant, or kiss her like she’s never been kissed before, but ultimately the time will come for you to stop talking and to actually make good on your rhetoric: flowers, door holding, and a passionate kiss that leaves her weak in the knees.

Always Be Confident, Even When You’re Nervous.  I still get nervous when I see a woman I’m attracted to – it’s only natural.  Being a little nervous is even cute to many women, as long as you are showing confidence, like you deserve to be standing there with them.  It’s okay to have a sweaty palm as long as you displayed the confidence to reach out and take her hand.

Pay Attention to Detail.  Noticing her new outfit or haircut can go a long way towards putting you on a woman’s radar.  The same attention to detail is true with her body language.  If you see her shiver, offer her a coat.  These gestures show her she is a priority.

Compliment Her.  Complimenting someone, especially a woman you are attracted to, is an art unto itself.  Compliments must be well thought out.  Too many compliments and you risk being construed as insincere.  Too general of compliments, and you come off as contrived.  Think of compliments as a way to ease her insecurities.  They should also be tailored to the specific woman.  Using sensory words like “feel,” “smell,” and “taste” help make the compliments even more personal: “I love how soft your hair feels and how it smells like strawberries.”

Her Pleasure Comes First.  Seduction doesn’t stop once you get her in the bedroom, otherwise you may not find yourself invited a second time.  By always putting her first, whether it’s giving her the last bite of dessert or the first orgasm, you are showing her she is the most important thing to you, similar to the tip to pay attention to detail.


Perhaps the single best tip I can give you about seduction, especially seducing a woman, is not to treat it like a game.  There’s no bigger turn off than the feeling of being played or like you’re a statistic – besides, in games there are only one winner.  If all goes well while trying to seduce a woman who has caught your eye, you will both be winners.


Lubing Up for Better Sex

The addition of personal lubricant can enhance sex, whether you need a little help getting wet or are all ready to go.  Every vagina is different (and special).  Some women get wet from a sexy smile, while others require the assistance of a willing tongue, finger, or toy.  Other women may stay wet for hours, and some ladies have a more limited time frame, regardless of how turned on they may be.  Regardless of your lubrication levels, it’s always a good idea to keep a bottle of your favorite lube by the bed.

According to researchers at the Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, nearly 30% of young women experience vaginal dryness due to everything from stress to medication, which I’d love to touch on in a future blog.  The rest probably experience times when they really want to have sex, but simply can’t get their vagina on the same page.  It’s happened to all of us, and if you’ve ever tried to have sex while dry, you know it’s not a great experience.  Of course, as you get older, vaginal dryness happens to almost everyone as a result of menopause – it’s biology.  Lube will help.

Even if you are already wet, adding lube to the mix will provide more ease and increase sensations and satisfaction.  However, too much can have the opposite effect and make it impossible to generate any type of friction – visualize a slip and slide.  Start with a little bit of lube and add more when the time calls for it.  You’ll know when that is.

As far as what type of lube to use, there are many choices – like with condoms – and not all lubes are created equal, or right for everyone.  While lubes with Glycerin, a thick, sweet-tasting, colorless liquid, are an all-natural option, women prone to yeast infections or men prone to UTIs should consider avoiding it due to the sugar.  If you’re using condoms, make sure to stay away from petroleum or oil-based lubes, as it can cause latex to deteriorate.  Water-based lubricants are a great alternative, though they are sometimes not as thick as the other lubes.  There are also silicone-based lubes, which can work very well.  You must experiment with what is best for you.

There are so many great lubes on the market, but of course I’m a bit biased and love the Wicked Sensual Care collection of personal lubricants.  It includes products with glycerin containing only 100% plant-based derivatives, making each vegan and PETA-compliant.  The line also includes several products with the glycerin-free advantage – hypo-allergenic Sensitive, Jellé, and an entire silicone-based Ultra line.  You will definitely find a lube to make your bedroom time much more enjoyable.