***The following is a guest blog written for the site. I find it provides an interesting perspective I want to share, so I hope you enjoy. XO, jd
After a tumultuous breakup, women often rewind and go back to point A, where it all began – the kiss. The memories may include a powerful smell of cologne, a faint taste of tobacco and coffee, or the softest lips you ever felt. Maybe he was sloppy and lacking experience, or perhaps his tongue was too aggressive. Or maybe all you could think at the time was, “SEX, SEX, SEX!” The point is when making out, female brains are on high alert. A kiss is often a foreteller of where things will lead, but we have to know how to read the signs and listen to our own thoughts.
WE ARE KISSING. Sometimes in the act of kissing this is all I’m thinking. Like a giddy 14-year-old who has waited 9 weeks for the next step with her first boyfriend, the first kiss feels all the same. “I never expected him or myself to initiate this, but it’s happening. It’s happening!” He likes you, definitely. Time to parade.
I AM FALLING IN LOVE. Already. And we’re thinking about the future: “Wait ‘til I tell my girlfriends about this!” “Are you going to call me after I leave your car?” “We’d be a cute couple, picnicking by the lake.” “Perhaps, we’ll get married. No, that’s crazy talk! …We’d have hot children though, with our super genes.” When we’re kissing, we always want more. And sometimes it’s not just sex – it’s a phone call the next morning.
WOW HE IS USING A LOT OF TONGUE. And other thoughts like these. “Is his hand on my chest– how did that get there?” “My pants are unzipped? He’s a magician.” “SLOW DOWN!” “Am I being too uptight? I should play it cool. Maybe I should graze his crotch.” Tune into your heart, and I’m not being mushy here. If he’s too aggressive and you’re feeling nervous, tell him to slow down.
AM I DOING THIS RIGHT? “Does my breath stink? Fuck, I never quite figured out how to best kiss. That eHow article said to kiss his jawline. Oh, biting his lip is supposed to be sexy. That was awkward… I’ve been kissing the left side for about 3 minutes. Now to the right. Shit, we just bumped heads.” If we’re still kissing, we’re probably doing it right. Don’t get hung up in the small details, or you might find yourself obsessing over everything in the relationship.
OOPS, HOW DID WE END UP HERE? “We just had a few drinks! I barely found you interesting! … Ah, yes, we did have a few drinks.” “How did we get from talking about the most effective natural detergent to here?” One word: hormones. Take a breather and clear your head before moving forward.
WILL THIS LEAD TO SEX? Kissing stimulates your ovaries to start producing testosterone, which increases sexual excitement. “This is definitely leading to sex. Did I shave my vag?” This is a special moment. You’re intoxicated by hormones and you just let everything go, including insecurities about your body.
WAIT, WE SHOULD STOP. “This will not go any further.” “I want to take things slow.” “Okay, five more minutes … Two more minutes … Fuck.” Hahaha… GET LOOSE. 🙂
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. THAT IS A FACT. Apparently adrenaline increases while we’re kissing and our inhibitions lower, meaning it’s unlikely we’ll stop to talk about alternative medicine or something. “I wonder if sex will be good … Does he have a nice penis?” If the kissing is good, most likely sex will be even better.
A WANDERING MIND. “What time is it?” “Shoot I have to pay my phone bill tomorrow.” “Game of Thrones tomorrow night!” “Definitely getting a rash from your stubble.” “He’s wearing Carlos Santana cologne. I feel awesome that I know that. What am I doing again? Right, kissing!!!” We’re multi-taskers too. You kiss and undress us; we kiss and do our taxes. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but be aware of the fact you aren’t fully caught up in the moment.
While a good first kiss may not always lead to a magical relationship, it’s quite often a bad first kiss is a sign of a lack of chemistry. I’m a big believer in second chances, but if the spark isn’t there, it may be time to go in search of a new first kiss.