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Blow his Mind and…. Other Useful Advice!

April 2, 2012 by 1 Comment

Hi jessica, thank you for answering my question. I have a pretty good sex life with my husband of 10 years. We are lucky enough to be going on our second honeymoon this spring to a romantic cottage in the Bahamas. What can I do to turn the heat up and blow his mind? Ashleigh, 41, Atchison, Kansas

HI Ashleigh-

First of all, congrats. Ten years is a great milestone, and what better way to celebrate with a second honeymoon, without all the stress of planning a wedding right beforehand, and in the Bahamas, no less!

Because  this is your tenth year of wedded bliss, you guys are very comfortable with each other…maybe a little TOO comfortable. This is your chance to shake things up a bit, and hopefully he has plans up his sleeve as well. The first step is packing for such an adventure. Here are some things that you might want to include:

“Sizzling hot packing list”

sexy lingerie

very high heels

a jersey of his favorite sports team

his “fantasy” outfit- something that you know really gets him going

lube. lots of lube.

a few porn DVDs- lots of resorts will be able to offer you a DVD player.

toys- vibrators with extra batteries, a blindfold, some massage oil

an iPod with great songs for striptease/seduction/sex along with mini speakers

scented candles

scarves for bondage

The items listed above are a great starting point, you’ll want to personalize the list according to what you guys are into…or what you may want to try. It might be fun to visit an adult store together before your trip, or you could surprise him and just tuck the extra “sex bag” in with your luggage. And don’t be embarrassed about airport security- trust me, they’ve seen far more shocking things. (hey, i fly a lot, remember?)

Once you are there, allow yourself a little time to settle in and relax. Once it sinks in that the two of you are ALONE with no distractions in a gorgeous tropical location, do what comes naturally! Shed those clothes, slip into a bathing suit, oil up, and get ready to soak up some rays…but right before you walk out the door, give your partner the best surprise blow job ever. That can set the tone for your entire trip.

As for the rest of your sensual getaway, here are a few suggestions to get you on your way:

give him a sexy lap dance to his favorite song(s), and then as you strip, slowly back away and head for the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow.

take a candlelit bath together with a bottle of wine. wash each other. afterwards, dry each other off and grab the massage oil!

watch an adult movie together and act out something you’ve always wanted to try

get dressed up separately, and “pick each other up” like strangers at the bar of your resort. Give him your extra room key and tell him to meet you upstairs in 10 minutes. wait for him in the bed, putting one of those vibrators you packed to good use.

make on night “all about him” and do anything he tells you to do (within reason) let him direct what you wear, what you take off, what you touch, what you don’t. this exchange of control will drive you both wild.

the next night, it’s your turn. now he’s at your beck and call.

Have breakfast in bed. don’t use silverware, and don’t feed yourself. only each other.

This is a great place to try something you’ve never dared to before- whether it’s anal sex, some bondage, you name it. Part of your planning this second honeymoon could involve you taking him out for a nice, romantic dinner, and telling him about something you’d like to do when you are in the Bahamas. This is also a really good way to start the foreplay from thousands of miles away and build anticipation for what’s to come. (pun intended)

Enjoy yourselves and each other. You’ve earned it!

xoxo,

jd

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Traveling Orgasms

April 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We are going to London, Paris and Amsterdam for 2 weeks for our honeymoon. Do you know which trains are the best for “privacy” ? Alex, 27, Yuma, Arizona

Alex-

Making love on a train is on my bucket list. You are both very lucky. I have my eye set on The Orient Express (which happens to run from London to Paris, by the way) But no matter what train you choose, i’d say the only way you’ll definitely be feeling the rumbling of the cars on the tracks during your sweet love-making is if you splurge and get a private cabin…and better yet, if you can afford it, a “presidential” style suite so that you have room for more than just missionary position. Doggy would be ideal, but face the windows to take in the “other” gorgeous scenery.

xoxo,

jd

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Memorable Honeymoon

April 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

My boyfriend has worked so hard to help us afford our dream wedding. What are some things I can do to make my honeymoon (hint hint) memorable? Caroline 25, Oklahoma City, OK

Caroline-

what a great question! I think that honeymoons can be a lot like Christmas- it’s something you guys have anticipated for so long, and after all the stress of planning a wedding and working so hard to pay for it, you frantically get to the honeymoon portion and it just flies by. That’s why it’s so very important to create memories and share experiences that will last you a lifetime.

How do you do that? Well, it really depends on where you guys choose to go, and then from there, it’s all about the experiences.Do things together that you wouldn’t normally get the chance to do back home. Outdoor activities- take tours, try a sport, see what type of those things your resort or hotel has to offer. Pick up a city guide for the area- both Lonely Planet and Frommer’s are great- and explore as a couple. One of the best ways to get closer to someone is to bond over new shared experiences. Take lots of pictures and video! Kiss at every landmark that you visit, or at historic or popular intersections. Make out in the back of a taxi. Feed each other at a local cafe while you people watch. and just when you can’t take it anymore, head back to your honeymoon suite for…

Memorable honeymoon sex! Some people say that having sex when you’re married is somehow different, that things change. Make that a change for the better. Spend time indulging your partner in his/her fantasies. You have a whole vacation to seduce them, with little or no distractions. My best advice is to go for it- and bring lots of lube. (though visiting an adult store on your honeymoon could be lots of fun too, just look one up online!) 

And remember, just because the honeymoon ends doesn’t mean honeymoon sex has to. When you return home, even months later, wear the same lingerie, the same perfume, or play the same song that was playing during some memorable lovemaking and remind him or her of the amazing time that you shared together, and start those juices flowing again and again. 

xoxo,

jd

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Keeping Sex HOT After the Wedding

April 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’ve heard from many of my friends that sex fizzles after the wedding. What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen to us? John, 32, Trenton, NJ

Hi John,

I don’t think it’s that the sex “fizzles” as it is that other things (reality!) get in the way of continuing the honeymoon phase. The good news is that by acknowledging that this may one day be a problem, you’re already being proactive about it.

In time, husbands and wives find that everyday things just seem to take over their lives- jobs, taking care of the house, the kids, paying bills- and they are left feeling more like roommates than anything else. How do you bring the passion back? Well, it’s better that you never lose it in the first place…and this is something that requires a little time and effort. You can equate this to regular maintenance on your car, like an oil change. It takes a little time, but it’s the kind of thing that, left neglected, can cause your car’s engine to overheat and throw a rod, and then it’s totaled. All because you didn’t prevent a little problem from getting bigger.

How do you do this? Take time with your partner, no matter what. Have a weekly date night. Touch base with each other during your busy days, even if it’s with a phone call or text. Set your alarm 15 minutes early so that you can have a coffee together…and by coffee, i mean quickie.

Romance your significant other. Pursue them the way you did when you were dating. One of the biggest complaints women have is that they no longer feel “special”. You may think, “Of COURSE you’re special, I made you my wife, didn’t I?” but nothing can replace the feeling that she is truly wanted. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much she turns you on, all the little things that she does that you find so sexy. Whisper those sweet (and dirty!) nothings in her ear. It will go a long way. In bed, don’t let it get to be an automatic routine. Watch a sexy movie together. Buy her some lingerie. Dress up like a cowboy or policeman or fireman, if that’s her fantasy. Be open to new things, and really try to explore each other’s desires.

I think the most important thing that ties it all together is communication. Make your wife/husband the person that you can really talk to. NO matter if it’s serious or trivial, your likes or dislikes, turn ons, pet peeves, dreams, hopes, ideas, fears, whatever. Just talk. Every so often it’s also a great idea to have what I call a “State of the Union” talk- your chance to get out (in a non-confrontational way) things that you love or things that you may want to change.

All of the things I’ve discussed above will help you keep up that bond that will keep your relationship, and in turn your sex life thriving.

xo

jess

 

 

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